the schei family

PLEASE NOTE: NEW BLOG

2010-02-05T11:42:00.001-08:00

AS OF FEBRUARY 5th, 2010, I will not be posting to this blog. Please see www.iwannagoapee.blogspot.com for updates on our family life. And what will I do with all I've written since 2006?! I will be turning it into a book for my coffee table.
Thank you for following!
Krista

Here you go.

2009-09-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

iwannagoapeea

In needing to write more, I wanted to start afresh. This blog will be geared more towards the art of writing (blog rolls, for example, will continually grow as I study up on columns I love, authors I'm inspired by, etc.)

Enjoy my dear readers. This is for me you.

What's the Word on the Street?

2009-09-11T13:55:00.000-07:00

Brett Paesel wrote a book called "Mommies Who Drink: Sex, Drugs and Other Distant Memories of an Ordinary Mom"...

****

Here, the 46 year-old mother of two tells Polly Vernon about domestic debauchery, drugs and talking dirty with the girls.

Brett Paesel did not mean to write a book that would explode every taboo on modern motherhood. A book that would polarise the breeding faction of the US, where a certain kind of woman embraced it as an inspired, funny, brilliantly rude and long-overdue affirmation; while another kind of woman pilloried it as an inflammatory, gratuitous, irresponsible article of near blasphemy. Paesel, 46, didn't intend to write a book that would inspire Cindy Chupack - legendary executive producer of Sex and the City - to say, 'It's so painfully honest and funny, there should be a two-drink minimum [for readers] ...'; a book, furthermore, that would get banned in Oregon, where it was deemed too sexy. Paesel didn't mean to become a significant voice in what Americans call the Beta Mom Movement, the anti-hot-housing, anti-competitive, haphazard and easy-going school of child-rearing; she did not mean to become a regular on talk shows and the star draw on fashionable reading groups. Brett Paesel didn't mean to write a book at all.

****

Amen. The idea behind having others read what I write is to draw them into the humor and honesty of what it really means to be a Mom these days in relation to what we all talk about while dropping our kids off for preschool. The desire to scream to the world that the first time my husband I had sex in our current home we broke the bed and the books that were used to 'prop it up' are there to this day comes from a soft heart - really it does. I don't mean to be unGodly or compromise my values but gee it'd be nice if the lady next to me coddling her son as he screams on his first day of school knew that she wasn't the only one who enjoys a Cosmo before the US-agreed-upon drinking time of 5:00pm. I want to smile and invite her over for a glass of wine while the kids learn about the weather and play in the sandbox. She may even have to drive afterward, God forbid she's a lightweight. In that case I'll give her a half-glass.

I have been struggling over the past 24 hours due to multiple emails between a friend of mine and myself. She encouraged me in my writing to an extreme that has had more affect on me than I thought it would. I wanted to have sex last night... I had weird dreams... I was sure things had happened when I woke up this morning that haven't actually happened in reality - not sure I even dreamed about them... I've had a supernatural patience with my defiant children this morning as though I'm not really 'present'... I feel as though I'm beginning to see things clearer now although I don't know what to compare that clarity to because I really feel like I've always been 'clear of thought', per se.

I don't know what all this means necessarily (see the clarity is obvious, no?) but the word on the street is that I'll be writing a lot more.

So stay posted if you're not easily offended. If you are, please pray for grace because there just may be a word for you in the midst of my honesty.

My Annie Blog

2009-09-01T22:28:00.000-07:00

After an evening of wining and dining with some close girlfriends, I came home nodded to my husband who was on a business call and headed upstairs to see what I could accomplish in the next few moments before bed.

I saw the bright green "END" light on my washer and dryer so I strolled into the laundry room with all the strength I could muster after feeling rather 'blah-se' most of the day. I pulled Mr. Bear out of the washer and haphazardly set him atop the dryer. He looked so picturesque; so rugged and worn with his damp, knotty hair. And then it clicked in me as to why I wanted to run and get my camera -- he was a picture of how I've been feeling the last couple of days.

My best dog died. I just received the news roughly two days ago. I was feeling rather downtrodden and in somewhat of a 'mourning state' although I couldn't quite place my finger on it until now.

No, Annie was not umpteen years old, living with my Mom and Dad, old and greyed; she did not have a bad hip suffering from tremendous pain; she was not sick or untreatable. Annie was a young 6 years old (next Tuesday) and died of heat stroke down at her home in Tucson, Arizona. Her brother, Tucker, has been with her since the moment they were both born back in '03 and my heart saddens and wishes that I could scratch his ear and reiterate to him how much it hurts me also. Our first dogs now live with John and Meg W. down in Arizona - they are loved and adored so dearly and I know it hurts them as well that this beautiful animal we gave them not more than 2 years ago has been lost.

I cried about 10 minutes after I read the email; I cried in the shower the next day and then I've cried one other time that I can't remember very clearly. Isn't it odd how definitive death is... so odd.

Annie was the smart one. When she and Tucker were just puppies Annie LOVED tennis balls. She would carry one around wherever she went. Tucker on the other hand fell head over heals for this crazy haired stuffed toy named 'the Vet'. If he, in his tremendous naivety decided that he wanted to outsmart his sister and give her the 'what for', he would go and grab her tennis ball. She would walk into the room and recognize her brother's stupidity as he beamed over the top of her tennis ball at her; she would then go get 'the Vet' wherever it lay and walk into the room prancing. He FREAKED OUT running to retrieve his prized possession without recognizing that it had already been laid to the wayside and Annie was once again chewing on her ball.

Ahhhh... Annie. If I would one day find the likes of you again I will be a proud dog owner. Twice.

Rest in peace, dear Annie. I really think you might have been a human.

Back to Mr. Bear... oddly enough when I went in to retrieve my folded clothes after putting fresh sheets on our bed he was surrounded in gambling paraphernalia! Money and dice everywhere... must have been betting with himself on how long it would take the clothes to dry.

Our weekend...

2009-08-30T13:47:00.000-07:00

Our weekend has been fantastic... William being 'somewhat cooperative' as I worked on lighting; the kids' new Halloween Costumes ($22/costume -- spendy for us BUT will be used as dress up for years); our BBQ with the Kalous' on Saturday... nothing better than dessert and a cosmo, a lot of kids entertaining themselves and 'twinsies'.

A Day with Six Kids.

2009-08-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful afternoon it has been.

My dear friend, Rachel, and her husband were off for an evening away to celebrate their anniversary; consequently, I got to host their three beautiful girls for the afternoon before shuttling them off to their Aunt's house for the night... if I could walk around with a voice recorder, I'd copy it, package it and sell it to YOU because this post will only give you a taste of the joy these six FANTASTIC children brought me throughout the last several hours...

First of all enjoy some shots of these hooligans - you know me, I love shots.

This evening as I was driving the Kalous girls to their Aunt's home, Ava exclaimed, "YOUR van is fast!" "How many is your van, Krista?" She leaned to the right and called up to the front of the van, "Our's isn't very fast cause its 10. How many is your's?!"

"Uh... this van is 8," as I looked in my rearview mirror and caught Ava's very calculated face looking back at me. She leaned back and looked out her window as though she had just figured it out...

"Yep. That's why its so fast, Krista... yours is faster because its 8. Ours is 10 and its not this fast."

(Note for the reader: Rachel drives a '99 Honda Odyssey and I drive an '01 Honda Odyssey - the ONLY difference between our vans is the exterior color)

I chuckled to myself as I thought about her mental picture of how 'old' her van is and how 'young' our van is and how that equates to human aging. The best part was yet to come though...

I turned on 530 AM radio real quick as I passed a roadside sign alarming drivers of highway closures. Ava spoke up immediately and said, 'hey! Krista?! What is this?' (referring to the AM radio's scratchy, barely audible vocals)

"This tells me where the highway is closed and where the construction is happening..."

Again, Ava took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders as though the information shouldn't be so shocking. "Our van doesn't have this kind of radio... its older and it doesn't have this. My Mom can't find out where the construction workers are working when she's driving." I laughed to the point of tears... to myself, of course, because her heart was set on this reality that she had discovered and I couldn't tell her differently. It was too fantastic and I didn't want to blow it.

The rest of the car trip included dinosaur sounds, pig 'oinking' and I taught them how to squeal like a pig. You're welcome, Rachel.

Other great moments during the day included:

Ava: "Krista, I was born from a green egg, right?"

Harper: "I love you too." (I hadn't even said I loved her! So sweet.)

The girls loved the Spanish version of the song, "Reflection", from the movie Mulan.

There was a LOT of pirates and princesses played at our house today...

They painted rocks found in the back yard... they picked blackberries (images above)... took naps and quiet times - which I walked in on and found a barely alive patient (Ava) being helped by a nurse (Katie) as William stood around assisting. I guess the scarf over Ava's face and the 'Little People' plastic road sign sticking out of her mouth was healing because before long they were out of quiet time and running around again jumping, squealing, talking over each other and dancing...

Oh, here's some more shots:

What a good day.

Day of the Goats

2009-08-11T15:18:00.001-07:00

Upon opening my front door today I witnessed 'pellet-poop' and my concerns went through the roof. My fleeting desire to consider other rental properties was not so fleeting anymore... I wanted OUT. Enough with little yard spiders... enough with the 'new construction' extremely LARGE, HAIRY brown spiders... enough with wasps' nests and spider webs... enough with weeds galore due to the wild flowers growing behind the property... ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH!

But nothing could have prepared me for what was hiding just around the corner of the house.

As I descended my front steps four little goats walked around to greet me... FOUR REALLY CUTE BABY GOATS! I live on a street with your average cookie-cutter newly built homes, yards the size of a postage stamp and minivans to boot. We Moms will PAY for petting zoos! Nobody told me I would be entertaining my children with a petting zoo in the privacy of my own yard FOR FREE. No little van with a trailer hooked up to it screaming 'BRINGING THE ZOO TO YOU' on the side, no 4-H people herding them towards the children, no signs that say 'PLEASE WASH HANDS AS YOU EXIT'. Nope... on this day I was being blessed by the Lord God Almighty with something that I couldn't have paid for had I wanted to. These goats were ours until somebody noticed them gone... so I admit, I ran inside (naively leaving the door open), grabbed my camera and shuttled a goat out of my entryway. I scrambled to get some shots as the kids giggled and screamed...

He's PEEING on my doorstep. The nerve.

Even the builders thought they were undeniably adorable to hang out with.

I can hear William now, 'You. Don't. Poop. On. Someone's. Driveway.'

'FREE' is a relative term...

Dreamy.

2009-08-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

The most recent Berges Beach Family Reunion took place just this past week. We arrived in Salem, Oregon in waves. Kyle, the kids, my sister-in-law and I had arrived, eaten dinner downstairs at the restaurant and jumped quickly into our swimsuits... we were swimming in the indoor pool when everyone else began to arrive...

Uncle David, Aunt Lesley and baby Emma... Uncle Geoff (who was quickly greeted by his eager wife, Jennifer, who hadn't seen him in days)... Aunt Hannah and Grandpa and Grandma Berges peaked their faces through the window of the door leading out to the pool area. We hopped out of the pool, dripping wet and excitedly opened the door. The kids screamed and began frantically trying to explain ten things at once as everyone filed in... 'I swam on the lifesaver all by myself!' 'We ate dinner and then put on our swimsuits!' 'Auntie Jen rode here with us in our van!' 'Is Baby Emma coming swimming now?!' 'WE HAVE ONE MORE SLEEP UNTIL THE BEACH!' 'Hi Grandpa, Hi Grandma!'... and on and on. Everyone's eyes were as big as saucers while the kids rambled about this and that asking questions so hurriedly there was no time for an answer. Soon they all waved goodbye as they took off to fill their bellies with dinner. Kyle and I kept swimming with the kids in hopes of wearing them out just enough to sleep hard and get us one step closer to a pleasant final leg of our trip the following morning. Salem to Lincoln City, Oregon.

****

We arrived at the beautiful Oregon Coast Sunday afternoon, August 9th. We're always so anxious to see the beach house that we leave the cars packed up until we've investigated every crook and cranny of every room. We discuss the sleeping situation and hurriedly begin unpacking each family's items into their spaces... I often unpack EVERYTHING right off the bat so that I feel at home and under control as we begin what will be a week of sandy clothes, wonderful late night conversation, laughter, crab feasts, shopping and playing. Not to mention THIS YEAR would be the celebration of my Dad's 60th Birthday... and we had big plans.

Sunday and Monday were spent getting prepared for my Dad's celebration. We attached poster board onto each of 60 paint stir sticks. On each of those pieces of poster board we had written memories, characteristics that remind us of Dad, love notes, thank you notes, pictures that represented something... at 4pm the next day they were left on the beach for my Dad to retrieve on his late afternoon walk. He walked onto the beach with my Mom and noticed the first sign. As he looked up the beach ahead of him he saw an endless trail of signs and he began to walk...

All the while up at the beach house we were frantically decorating the outdoor patio, getting the BBQ meal prepared, dressing up into casual/dress attire and we made it out onto the patio just in time to sing 'Happy Birthday' to Dad as he and Mom walked down the road to the beach house. In his arms he held 60 signs that I'm sure will be saved for years to come. He was smiling from ear to ear as were the rest of us... the celebration had only just begun.

It was a week full of moments that were fun, thought-provoking, painful, restorative, joyful, tearful, momentous, unifying, passionate, selfless, encouraging, edifying, irritating, messy, sandy and wet, exhausting and above all, memorable.

Thank you everyone for this past week. Thank you Mom and Dad for continuing to prioritize this time with all of us... we love you and can't wait for next year!

GGDC Update

2009-07-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

Safeway:

Total Bill: $49.03
Total Savings: $68.64
Percentage Savings: 60%

Albertsons:

Total Bill: $71.01
Total Savings: $75.55
Percentage Savings: 52%

*Granted, this week was significantly more 'junk food' than I normally EVER buy. We are off on our beach vacation starting Saturday so I'm loading up for the beach house. Trying to feed all the adults/children who will be snacking all... day... long... for a fraction of the cost.

SNOWCONES!

2009-07-25T22:53:00.000-07:00

Photographer goings ons.

2009-07-24T00:13:00.000-07:00

So much goings ons... how do you say that? I never know where the 's' belongs.

Its been a crazy ride. Its been a momentous time as of late. Preparing for my first 'public appearance' as a photographer - that's when you say to yourself, 'ok... here we go...' deep breath, head down, charge! (that's just the vision that comes to mind, don't know why exactly... maybe I ran that way as a small child)

It is amazing to see God open doors and give me vision for my career. I enjoy every element of what I do from the personal interaction with my subject to the editing to the delivering of the images. It leaves such a fresh sense of 'pure joy' on my heart when I know I've delivered something to a parent that truly touches their heart and exceeds expectation.

This last weekend went great as I publicly displayed my photos at the Cute as a Button event in Mill Creek, Washington. The turnout was fantastic and the prospects for future clients brought so much excitement. I photographed between 45 and 50 children and the shots turned out beautiful... maybe it has to do with the fact that there were 45-50 GORGEOUS children present and I just got to capture them being them!

In any case, thank you for your patience as I have stepped away from my usual routine to tend to the work that has demanded my attention o'er the past couple weeks... PRAISE THE LORD.

I'll be back soon...

Homemade Laundry Detergent...

2009-07-07T10:22:00.001-07:00

Last night, Kyle and I whipped up a batch of homemade laundry detergent. All of these ingredients cost less than $15 (including the reusable 5 gallon bucket w/ lid). With each batch - which makes 3-4 gallons of detergent - only 1 cup of my A&H washing soda and 1/2 cup of my Borax is used... this'll last us awhile. The Fels Naptha soap is found in the laundry aisle alongside these other ingredients - and although you could use a bar soap that is .50 as opposed to this $1.95 bar, its not worth having my entire family break out in hives! Oi... such sensitive skin in this household. Not to mention, I only use 1/2 of this bar as opposed to using an entire bar if I were to use Ivory, Dove or the like.

Now I'm waiting patiently to see how it works! I have to let it sit for an entire 24 hours... I'll let you know the results soon!

Sunday Scripture: Daniel in the Den of Lions

2009-06-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

Daniel 6:1-3 "It pleased Darius to appoint 120 satraps to rule throughout the kingdom with three administrators over them, one of whom was Daniel. The satraps were made accountable to them so that the king might not suffer loss. Now Daniel so distinguished himself among the administrators and the satraps by his exceptional qualities that the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom." What a phenomenal teaser to get us more excited about WHO Daniel is and WHAT his history with the king must look like! (Kyle read some great stuff out loud from Chapter 5 at this point)

Daniel 6:4 "At this, the administrators and the satraps tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs, but they were unable to do so. They could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent." At this moment I thought of the way we may act when another is being used by God in ways that are extraordinary. So extraordinary that we may find it tempting to wish less than God's blessing on them simply out of selfishness and insecurity. A dear friend of mine is being so incredibly blessed in what she is doing with her new business. She has been obedient to the Lord and His work is being furthered - hence the amazing experiences that she's having! If I, for a moment, were less than excited for what she's going through because I also am in the beginning stages of building my business I would neglect all that God is doing with ME and MY obedience! Oh what I would miss out on if I didn't jump with her in her joy! These men must have missed out on such joy while conceiving a plan to kill Daniel! Oi... hindsight was 20/20 -- you'll see...

Daniel 6:5-9 speaks to the detail with which the plan to kill Daniel was carried out. It was so deceitful and wicked. A decree was put into place that anyone praying to anyone other the the king himself must be put to death. Unbeknownst to the king, he had just signed Daniel's death certificate and would soon realize the wickedness of his satraps and administrators.

Daniel 6:10 "Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before." Daniel's response to the decree was to go to God FIRST. Not only did he go to God first, he did what he'd always done - just as he had done before - and prayed in front of the windows to his God. He didn't see the decree or the death threat as a 'sign' from God that he should refrain from prayer! No! He saw that in his God's presence was the best place to be regardless of the consequence! How often do you and I try to find a 'sign' from the Lord as to why we shouldn't serve Him in a certain way? How often does it somehow correlate to our 'comfort'? Why would God take into account our 'comfort' when we've so twisted and tweaked the idea of comfort to fit our human way of life? Not only that, but wouldn't it be easy to consider our affect on those who don't know Christ as more important than our time with Christ?! I feel like this is so much of what the 'church' does now... oh, if we don't meet the masses where they're at then they won't hear the gospel... if we put a halt on all that we've done thus far to just seek the Lord what about the lost?... I do the same thing at times! Don't you?! Shouldn't Daniel have thought about the lost in his absence? What if he died... then wouldn't he be less effective?!

GOD DOESN'T NEED YOU. GOD DOESN'T NEED ME.

Daniel 6:11 "Then these men went as a group and found Daniel praying and asking God for help." Daniel was requesting of the Lord to help him. I automatically assumed that he would ask God for help such as 'save me from death' as opposed to 'give me strength to stand up under the ridicule and give me peace as I meet my death'. Who knows what Daniel was praying in the moment that 'these men' found him. My assumptions of how those closest to the Lord respond in worship to Him somehow always shock me into humility and a new way of thinking.

Daniel 6:16 "So the king gave the order (and oh his heart was so downcast as he was TRICKED into signing this decree), and they brought Daniel and threw him into the lions' den. The king said to Daniel, "May your God, who you serve continually, rescue you!" Kyle brought up how awesome it was that the king did not assume any power to be credited to Daniel but only to the God Daniel serves daily! Do we worship God in such a way that others know that its Him who has the power, not us?! When other [Christians] pat us on the back for our obedience to the Lord, how do we respond? Do we do a good job of 'deflecting' the praise and offering our gratitude to the Lord in that moment for the work He's done through us? What does it look like to worship God in this way?

Daniel 6:17 "A stone was brought and placed over the mouth of the den, and the king sealed it with his own signet ring and with the rings of his nobles, so that Daniel's situation might not be changed." Can you imagine the sorrow at the moment for the king? The remorse? The guilt that he was so unaware of the deceit going on? He had to commit himself to what he chose whether the outcome was comfortable or not. Wow... I hadn't thought about this yesterday when I read it. He was the KING! But his commitment to his word was trustworthy and he could not go back. (read Daniel 6:18-19)

Daniel 6:20-22 "When he came near the den, he called to Daniel in an anguished voice, 'Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to rescue you from the lions?'
Daniel answered, 'O king, live forever! My God sent his angels, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have no hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong before you, O king." Can you imagine (think in our day and age and NOT in your bible mentality) what it must be like to see God rescue in this way? I wondered while I read this if the king walked to the den the next morning assuming that Daniel was alive but apprehensive in the case that his faith might make him a fool... or did he come in anguish that he had sent a young man so innocent to his death... what was his state? And what must it have been like for him to hear Daniel's lively voice shout from the den?! Oh HOW AWESOME! And oh how much more amazing than if Daniel would have prayed in quiet and continued to live his life in the king's courts hoping to shine the light of God into the king's life?! Do you understand what I'm saying? Daniel's desire to be in God's presence in spite of the death threat was what allowed God to use Daniel to SEAL the king's love for God! AWESOME AND AMAZING AND WONDERFUL AND OH SO CONVICTING.

Daniel 6:26-27 "I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel.
For he is the living God and he endures forever; his kingdom will not be destroyed, his dominion will never end.
He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth.
He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions." Yeah... I just want to be in the presence of the Lord. He does good things when I am obedient and focused on Him. Holy moly! And entire kingdom decreed to follow the God of Daniel! God is good. His design is flawless even when it looks so messy.

... not to mention all the other men and their wives and children were thrown into the lions' den as a result. In Daniel 6:24 it says "and before they reached the floor of the den, the lions overpowered them and crushed all their bones."

I will trust in you oh God and find my rest in You alone. You are my comfort and You meet every need.

Ooooh... that's SOUR!

2009-06-28T22:48:00.003-07:00

See the lime in the foreground of the shot...

This was the 3rd time he'd tasted that lime wedge. Typical Ben. Freakin' persistent.

Prepping the table on Sunday.

2009-06-28T15:43:00.000-07:00

Its been a few weeks since our family sat down together and read scripture over a Sunday meal - see my post here from a couple Sundays ago. I was out of town and then we had a day at the Mariners game for Father's Day. I'm SO EXCITED to sit down this afternoon, read scripture, revel in the character of God and begin soaking up what He wants to teach me and our family. Not to mention some brats with sauerkraut and cream cheese helps bring clarity to the brain... ;)

You can bet there'll be some wonderful thoughts to blog about this evening... stay posted.

To discipline or not to discipline, that is the question.

2009-06-23T20:31:00.000-07:00

Discipline is (v) to correct; to teach what is right; (n) training that corrects, molds or perfects moral character.

I understand that discipline takes on all forms. Kyle and I have felt quite clearly that the 'rod' has literally meant the physical discipline in the form of a spoon on the bum or a bare hand on the bare rump. Not only have I interpreted scripture to command this type of discipline when a heart change is in order, I also have noticed that this is what is takes to "correct, mold, and perfect moral character" in my children. If I see the definition of discipline above (which I don't think any of us would refute), I realize that its between the parent and God to find the correct means of action to harvest a heart that is honoring to the Lord... and for Kyle and I (and our kids, God bless them) it has literally meant a physical form of discipline when any disobedience is at hand.

The handful of issues that have resulted in 4 disciplines, aka spoons on the rump: Katie chose to 'frolic' in the living room half-dressed after I had informed her to get her pjs on; Katie picked Ben up whilst looking me square in the face after telling her not to; Katie sitting on the stairs because she wanted Mom to put her to bed - not Dad; William deciding to take the ball from his younger brother after I informed him not to touch it... and on and on.

(the next takes place in a private room)

Mom: "William, you are going to receive 3 disciplines on your bum. Why are you going to receive discipline?"
Will: "Because I was disobedient..."
Mom: "What did you do that was disobedient?"
Will: "I touched the ball that Ben was holding."
Mom: "Did I ask you not to touch the ball?"
Will: "Yes."
Mom: "Did you touch it anyway?"
Will: "Yes."
Mom: "Was that disobedient?"
Will: "Yes" (crying)
Mom: "Will, God says that it is 'wise to receive your discipline' (Proverbs 13:1) so please come over here and get your disciplines."

(after the disciplines have been given)

Mom: "William, I love you so much." (rocking him and cuddling with him) I give you discipline because God has told you that you need to obey your Mom and Dad (Exodus 20:12) and if you do not you need to receive discipline. If you are not obedient to the Lord than you are unsafe. God has put me in charge of keeping you safe!"
Will: "Oh..." (usually with a heavy lower lip)
Mom: "I need you to say you're sorry and ask for forgiveness."
Will: "I'm sorry Mom for [whatever]... will you please forgive me?"
Mom: "Yes, William, I forgive you."

What a rewarding time!

... I'm writing this post than for no other reason than to vent and express that the question so often for me is, 'to discipline or not to discipline?' I find that though the exhaustion is overwhelming, God always gives me grace to overcome the battles. Because in the end, when He calls me to obedience, unless I'm obedient, His will is not accomplished.

Amen. To all Moms out there, keep on keeping on.

Early morning lens fun...

2009-06-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

Thanks for humoring me.

Now I will vaccuum, disinfect, scrub and prepare my house for the day ahead... Grandpa and Grandma Schei will be over and we'll be cookin' up some mean ribs... oh, I should take a shot of them! Just a moment.

If ever you want to entertain the thought of spending oodles of money on a lens... go down to Glazers in Seattle and try out a few. They're customer service is impeccable and what a wonderful excuse to go into the city.

Tantrum de Ben

2009-06-22T22:15:00.001-07:00

These photos were shot within the span of less than 5 minutes. Benjamin has become accustomed to throwing tantrums about petty things like not eating what he wants when he wants or taking naps or, in this case, not getting to climb on the roof with the big kids.

It went from pleasant to ugly and back to pleasant pleasantly fast... it was a photographic opportunity. If only he didn't look so cute when he was oh so mad.

Its addicting...

2009-06-22T20:05:00.000-07:00

...to rent lenses.

This image of my front door was shot with the beautiful Nikkor 17-35mm f2.8 AF (one of Nikon's wideangle lenses)... what a blast! I can be swallowing your head with the hood of my camera and have 102 degree angle of view in the shot -- its AWESOME. This will be used for tomorrow's shoot and I'm thrilled to get to experiment with it... rent = $25 and to purchase = $1539. I think I'll rent this one for awhile.

Schuper Cuts

2009-06-21T22:32:00.001-07:00

Aunt Lesley, eat your heart out...

The up and coming Salon de Schei is about to surface.

Katie had the privilege of cutting Kyle's hair today. She LOVED it. What young girl wouldn't enjoy playing real-life barber shop?! It was such fun to watch and, for me, even more so to photograph.

"Mom, why are you standing on the side of the bathtub?"... "for no other reason dear than to enjoy this Father's Day weekend with every fiber of my being...

The drive home to Seattle.

2009-06-19T22:56:00.001-07:00

As I loaded my van today a gentleman and his wife were passing by on their, what looked to be normal, morning walk.

"Are you leaving the country?" he asked as he paused and held his hands out as though he couldn't understand why this little girl, in a black dress, with high heel flip flops on was carrying an armload of luggage while her minivan sat open to the elements - pod on top was propped open, bike rack held two vintage Schwinns, the side doors were back allowing for easy access to the van's AWESOMENESS of child seats and open space.

I chuckled and mentioned that I lived in Seattle... that I had been here for 10 days and was making the trip back over the mountains with more loot than I arrived with. He chuckled, turned his back to me, trotted up the street, hopped on the sidewalk and resumed his walk with his wife.

The drive home was rather uneventful aside from the unending anxiety that it would soon become eventful. I rehearsed in my head the scene of a bike flying off the bike rack only to kill an entire family traveling innocently behind me. I watched the bikes in my rear view mirror as though I was using my own will to keep them in place.

It worked. We have arrived home safe and sound and are ready to jump back into the routine of our daily life...

Oh, never mind. Its summer.

Schwinn Suburban

2009-06-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

Found at a local garage sale, a Schwinn Suburban in wonderful condition. We actually rode it around today... I have no idea how I'm going to get home to Seattle with 2 'new' bikes, 3 children, 2 kids' bikes and the rest of our loot.

Look for me on the freeway later this week... and WATCH OUT!

Don't you judge me.

2009-06-15T19:47:00.000-07:00

After a Not So Exhausting afternoon of playing in the Eastern WA heat, I did NOT leave my two oldest children at home with my 16 year old sister and her boyfriend, and I did NOT spend that time at Anne Taylor Loft and spend $80+ on shorts and skirts. And upon arriving home and agreeing to a walk with three kids (4 year old riding a bike) I did NOT haul her behind me with a rope up hills all the while telling her that next time we'll think about it before choosing such a long route. I did NOT just look at the clock to discover it was bedtime, put another movie on for the kids and come downstairs to blog because I didn't want to take time out to read books, brush teeth, go potty and pray. And I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT bring down the bottle of wine so that I could refill my glass without pause.

Nope. Not me. Never would I do such things.

Not me! Monday!

2009-06-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

IF I CAN FIND THE 'COMMENT' I LEFT ON MCKMAMA'S BLOG I WILL COPY AND PASTE... BECAUSE WHAT I DID WAS WRITE MY 'NOT ME' MOMENT IN HER COMMENTS WHICH IS WHAT I THOUGHT I NEEDED TO DO TO PLAY! UH-OH NOT SO. AND IT WAS RATHER GOOD. I'D HATE TO MESS UP THE ORIGINAL POST. I'LL POST IT WHEN I FIND IT.

Playing on the roof...

2009-06-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

The view was so beautiful from my old perch atop the roof outside my old room...

I invited the kids out.

Strike a [Spiderman] pose!

For those of you concerned as to where my brain has gone, know that the angle of the roof was well suited for small children and 3 out of the 4 'drops' posed NO DANGER. That being said, when Ben goes to his morning nap, we'll be heading out to enjoy a snack atop the roof.

Oh the view is glamorous.

Photography Blog Update

2009-06-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

See more shots of my beautiful sister, Hannah, on my photography blog. Enjoy!

Monster

2009-06-13T21:53:00.001-07:00

The Monster lurks...

He spots his prey...

He scoffs at the demise of his prey...

He takes a moment to give his best "Demi Moore from A Few Good Men" impression...

He focuses again on his prey...

Checks the skies for any sign of his late father's wisdom written in the stars...

He's huntin'...

He prepares to strike...

but he forgot sunscreen.

Whilst trying to apply sunscreen without the help of his late mother...

he becomes entirely too amused by the small, colorful pond nearby.

He's not such a Monster after all. But he sure makes for a good story.

Photography Blog Update

2009-06-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

Please see my photography blog as I recently updated it with photos of our trip.
Enjoy!

Proud owner of a 1973 Schwinn Speedster

2009-06-11T22:49:00.001-07:00

I purchased a 1973 Schwinn Speedster Bicycle today. I looked on Craigslist here in the TC and found someone who was selling an old "cruiser" style bike. Come to find out when I called him it was from 1973 (AWESOME!) not to mention it was RED (EVEN MORE AWESOME!). I had this picture in my head of the bike I was hoping it to be before going to look at it... he had it listed for $50. He mentioned it came with 2 baskets that go over the back wheel (I WAS SALIVATING BY THIS POINT)... do you KNOW how many cool photo shoots I've dreamed of using an old cruiser bike in?! Ok, not a lot... but now I am!

I got there to check out the bike and my jaw dropped. It was old and in need of a little TLC but she was a BEAUTY... but I didn't understand why the two baskets were on the other, newer Schwinn bicycle that was there. I walked over to the red one and said "so for $50 do the baskets come with the bike? You mentioned that it has two baskets on it." Come to find out it was their neighbor that had posted it and was fielding phone calls for them... they got the two mixed up and the red one wasn't even posted yet. They would be selling JUST THE BIKE for $100. I "hmmm"ed and "haw"ed and mentioned sadly that I just can't pay $100 for it but thanks for the time. The wife piped up (after the husband had JUST told me that a guy offered to pay him $75 for it) and asked if I would take it for $70. My eyes lit up and I said, 'if you put THOSE two baskets on the back of this old bike, I will take it for $70 right now'... they thought for a moment and said 'ok'.

I am now the proud owner of a red, rusty, 1973 Schwinn Speedster (much like the one above but not polished up) with two baskets... and I couldn't be happier!

Grandpas and Donuts

2009-06-07T18:10:00.000-07:00

What is it with early morning runs to the donut store and Grandpas? Both Grandpa Berges and Grandpa Schei have mastered this art. And it looks like the grandkids enjoy it a-HOLE-lot. There's so much sugar in one bite I can't imagine after an entire donut. I bet they feel it in their legs!

"[Schei] Church" was powerful today.

2009-06-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

Luke 15:11-32

"'My son', the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we have to celebrate and be glad, because...'"

God expects that when we've matured in Him, we will begin to respond to life in such a way that our relationship with Him is of utmost value to us. He believes that maybe this time we'll look beyond our worldly desires and instead relish in the grace that He's handed to us oh-so-freely... and daily.

He desires relationship with you and me.

****

Kyle, myself, the kids and Kyle's parents began the story of the Prodigal Son this morning weighing in on the relationship between the Father and his lost son. We found so many parallels between that relationship and the relationship between our Heavenly Father and us; between that relationship and the relationships between us and our children; between that relationship and the relationships between us and other believers. The kids were taught the biblical principle of unconditional love and the confidence they can have that there will be no condemnation at home or in their relationship with God following their repentance.

The adults talked in-depth about:

Luke 15:12 "'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them." Did the son feel so entitled? What was the cultural 'norm' during that time as to what belonged to who? Was this wise parenting to give the son half of the estate? Was there such faith in his son that the money would be put to good use? Was there faith in God that the money would be 'used' wisely?

Luke 15:17-20a "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father." Had he learned his lesson yet? Or was his motivation to return back to his father's house purely selfish? Was that understandable that it was selfish since it was a life and death situation? Maybe he had learned his lesson since he did not expect to go back and be accepted into the fold again but instead as a hired hand to his father.

Luke 15:20b-21 "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'" Did this moment, in the embrace of his father, reap humility from the seeds of humility that had been sewn in his heart during his most dire moments only days before as he ate with the pigs? What must it have felt like for the sin to be forgiven so quickly?

Luke 15:22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate." His father gave no heed to what his son spoke to but instead called his servants to come and dress his son like a king and throw him a party! Was this wise parenting? Should there have been different consequences to the son's rebellious departure upon his return home? How is God asking us to parent our children in this passage? How is God unlike myself in this passage? Do we own too much of our child's 'heart change' by demanding consequences that aren't prayerfully considered? After Katie (my 4.5 year old) has disrespected me, owned it, asked for forgiveness and righted her heart, should I continue behaving in response to her sin? Or do I have faith that God has righted her heart and the punishment of being out of relationship with me - and with God - was enough for her? I don't know! The parable doesn't continue! What AWESOME insights we gained from scripture today... I love this stuff!

Ok, continuing on...

Luke 15:25-28a "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'
The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never game me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property on prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'"
***THIS WAS THE LESSON OF THE DAY FOR ME***
The father in this story represents our Heavenly Father. I pictured something so simple as God looking at me with such sadness and reminding me that I have had a relationship with Him day in and day out... that everything He has is mine... that I HAVE been obedient and He is pleased with me. I imagine His disappointment that our relationship wasn't so important to me that I looked away from what others were receiving and instead found joy in the fact that I've communed with my Father and built relationship with Him. But instead I found fault in how He chose to love those who were out of relationship with Him and have returned.

After today, I have found new joy in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I remember specifically, years ago, a girlfriend of mine being so impacted by our pastor's heart for the lost. Steve Mason looked at her one day with tears in his eyes as he spoke of those she prayed for who didn't know the Lord. His heart broke for the lost because he cared more about the relationship with Christ, and what purity that brought to a life, than any worldly satisfaction Satan had to offer. That conversation has always had an impact on me.

As I stand today so excited about where God has brought Kyle and I, am I remembering the salvation that God has offered me by NO ACT OF MY OWN than to simply accept it? Am I remembering that my relationship with Him means more to me than any gift, pat on the back, worldly acclaim, physical health, ...? Will I rejoice with Him because I understand that I deserve nothing and those returning to Him are no less deserving of a relationship with Him than I? Will I dance and rejoice that there is yet another person to bring glory to the only true God?

Because He alone deserves it.

Photography Blog

2009-06-05T14:22:00.000-07:00

Please see my photography blog for many updates. Some of my most recent shots of friends and family were posted!

Come and enjoy!

Distressing news.

2009-06-05T11:56:00.000-07:00

Take a look!

...at my old,

distressed...

doors!

I found the most fantastic and fun props this morning... old, distressed doors. They came from a remodel of a home built in the 1940s and had been purchased by an interior designer for her own use. While finding herself in the midst of many other remodels of her current home she realized she needed to 'let go' of a few ideas she had stored away...

And then I come into the picture! Pardon the pun. I bought them from her off of Craigslist and not only was the price right but this woman and her family live on a beautiful 10 acres of land out in Snohomish. I've been invited back to utilize her property for photography if ever I had the desire! The compositions and colors are incredible out there not to mention the lovely little country roads which lead you to their home.

What a find!

Icecream cones, popsicles and sunshine...

2009-06-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

My windows are open and the fresh air spins its way in and out and through each doorway in my house. I love the sound of the blinds knocking against the wood trim, or the corners of the printer paper flapping on the desk. I enjoyed cleaning my kitchen this morning and letting it dry au naturel in the breeze... oh! I LOVE this time of year.

And no doubt, the joys of summer are being had by the kids as well. Until the sun disappears and the rain begins pouring we will be outside getting wet, sticky and soaking up the sun. Lots of popsicles and icecream; lots of salads and mixed drinks; lots of BBQs and fruit... and I can hardly wait to indulge in roasted corn tonight while friends are here. I just got done shucking it... even THAT was fun, and of course, done in the sun.

Feeding Ben a popsicle...

Ben says, 'this is the life.'

Little Boys

2009-06-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

Little boys come in all shapes and sizes,
Shy and adventurous, full of surprises,
With misshapen halos and mischievous grins,
Small dirty faces, and sweet, sticky chins.

They'll keep you so busy, and yet all the while
Nothing can brighten the world like their smile.
And no greater treasure has brought homes more joy
Than a curious, active, and lovable boy.

I've needed to do a posting in ode to my boys. I've needed to because the reason for the sticky floors and dirty carpets have less to do with the aftermath of Katie's art sessions and more to do with the boys running in from the outdoors with bowls full of dirt; finding it impossible to transfer food from the bowl to the mouth without dripping; general lack of order; drooling for no reason; dancing in the nude (for too long).

I've found myself discouraged with all I've been working on BECAUSE I can't seem to get on top of the 'sticky floors+' but yet have been so pleased with the joy these two bring me. Just trying to keep my priorities straight.

AvocaDon't Like Nothing More

2009-06-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

Katie loved them too at his age...

And William...

What's that you ask? Is that a skewer Ben's playing with in the last shot? No. I would never let him play with a skewer. And I definitely wouldn't take pictures while he tried to eat his avocado with it.

Such fun to be had.

2009-05-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

MckMama suggested a specific lens on a blogpost of her's. I went and rented the Nikon equivalent for a shoot that I'll be doing this afternoon... this morning I had such a wonderful time shooting some of Katie's shoes (oh yes, and Benjamin and Katie of course) in the sunshine.

Oi... I didn't want to enjoy this lens so much.

Thank you MckMama!

Financial Times - Exploding debt threatens America

2009-05-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

FT.com / Exploding debt threatens America

The amount of debt we have is such a large number, it is difficult to comprehend, or even relate to. It is nice to see the markets moving up a bit, but is it founded on anything? If people are losing their jobs, our mortgage debt is still out of control, and the banking industry is leveraged 25 to 1, where is the foundation for an economic recovery going to come from?

Getting LOST on the Island...

2009-05-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful place to be.

Kyle, Ben and I joined Katie, William and Kyle's parents on Saturday on Bainbridge Island. Katie and William had already traveled to Grandpa and Grandma Schei's the previous day to have a "sleepover" without Mom and Dad.

The time was so pleasant and we wore ourselves out spending the majority of time out in the sun, on the beach, at the park, in the yard... it was gorgeous. And oi! The views!

Virgin Manhattens for the kids...

Roasted corn... best corn I've ever had.

Cool shot of the sun peaking through the trees on the west side of their property...

Not-so-virgin Manhatten for Mom...

Busy Sound on Memorial Weekend... shot from the front deck of G&G Schei's house.

Fay Bainbridge State Park on Friday shortly after Kyle and I arrived...

Had to ask if I could shoot the dog... he looked so out of place but gorgeous on the beach.

Kids swinging in the sun at Eagledale Park...

KATIE SCHEI PHOTOGRAPHY SHOTS BELOW:

Date night... almost.

2009-05-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

The eldest of our three wonderful children were lovingly shuttled off to Bainbridge Island yesterday afternoon (we sent snacks and a cell phone). Kyle, BEN and I got to have a luxurious evening at home together. Just the THREE of us.

I made a feast of mozzarella, basil and tomato appetizers, a nice bottle of wine, spinach salad with nuts and strawberries and Carne Asada fresh off the grill. It was fabulous and the conversation was excellent once we got past the awkward 'what do you say on a first date' moment. Its never a problem when Kyle and I high-tail it to a nice restaurant -- there's purpose and the pendulum has swung completely to the right when what you're used to being knee deep in diapers and cutting up meat, refilling liquids and saying things like, 'yes, you may be excused.'

I'm madly in love with my husband and I think we'll be doing this a lot more... consider yourself warned, Kathy. Soon I'll pack all three onto a ferry...

Adventures of Mr. Wiggles

2009-05-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

A SPECIAL BLOG SERIES FOR RACHEL KALOUS

This afternoon while harmlessly feeding amongst the tall grass of Schei Slopes, Mr. Wiggles was mistaken for his twin brother, Dr. Jiggles. Born as Harris P. Wiggles, Dr. Jiggles' name was, sadly enough, misspelled on his postgraduate diploma. Being a portly fellow (and not very well liked due to his tendency to reveal the endings of movies before one has had the pleasure of seeing it) as well as his odd ability to name every muscle in one's body from head to toe within 45 seconds he earned himself the name 'Dr. Jiggles'.

"Jig. You're a dead man."

"Please no! My name is Henry P. Wiggles. You've been mistaken!"

"Jig, you can't fool me. But I'll let you go this once."

Its never easy for Mr. Wiggles. He'll be the first to tell you he enjoys to take the edge off every so often.

Out of place at church.

2009-05-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

For a number of months, Kyle and I have felt that the act of getting ready for church, rushing out the door to get to church, spending an hour of singing and teaching while apart from our kids all to head back home with the same drugged sense of a Sunday afternoon as I believe so many people feel, was disobedient. I was becoming apathetic and lazy in my approach to the teaching of scripture on Sunday mornings. I left church maybe contemplating what was taught. I'd go home to feed the kids, put everyone down for naps and savor my last few hours with my husband at home before the week 'kicked off'... and I did it again the next week.

Something about this wasn't right.

I walked into the kitchen this morning after waking to find Katie's plastic pig stuck into the straw of yesterday's sippie cup. For a moment I contemplated whether or not I had actually woken up yet. Although odd, it occurred to me right then, like a reel tape in my mind rolling a tape of me in church with subliminal messages of a pig with its leg stuck in a sippie cup straw. I saw that there was likely no better way to portray how uncomfortable and out of place I felt when attending church.

This is not me placing fault on the church. It has been a discovery of my obedience to Christ. No matter how good the good thing is that we're doing, if its not in obedience to Christ than there's nothing but emptiness to reap. Kyle and I have known that God was asking us to begin seeking for our immediate family something different than what the North American church was offering. We've known it for awhile but had yet to step forward in faith.

So four Sundays ago we had our first church at home. It is NOT a "home church" as some have called it. We don't feel the release from God to 'go public' for lack of better words and invite others. But instead we believe that for now this is a time of prayer and seeking scripture in a way foreign to what we've been raised with. If we were to begin inviting other families and growing this Sunday morning gathering soon we would be too big for the home... the kids would be too great in number to focus on the way we want to... soon enough we'd be formulating the exact same structure that we believe God has just called our family away from.

So we walked away from everything we knew and were comfortable with into a place much more suited for us.

Our family is desiring to walk in obedience to the Lord. Our kids are being called to be leaders of their generation and Kyle and I are responsible for training them up in that way. We prepare a feast and while the food is cooking we sit in the living room and read the story from the children's bible. We teach them hoping to stretch their thinking and their understanding of God's character. They are expected to sit quietly and listen; ask questions and give input. We then serve lunch and sit together at the table while the adults begin reading out of their bibles the story read earlier. The children sit and listen and we devour scripture together and seek God's Truth. They are dismissed into the living room where they quietly play until the adults are done reading and praying. Afterwards, there is no transition. We're already here and the Spirit is present. Its almost as though we're moving in slow motion with the wonderment and awe of who God is surrounding us as we tidy up and crawl into bed for naps.

Though we only know enough of what God is asking of us to prepare for this coming Sunday we aren't shaken. The lack of planning and understanding as to what He's doing is only increasing our faith and our anticipation of Him.

Its out of obedience and nothing has felt more right.

Hey Time, can we talk?

2009-05-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

I wanted to fit it in my schedule to talk with you and ask you, politely, to stop. Don't let them grow up without me watching.

I strolled through Central Market as though I was sleeping. Passing items that were on my list in an attempt to find the one item that was hard to find. I passed the frozen pastry sheets numerous times in an attempt to find what I thought would be 'fresh' pasta shells... I passed the shredded cheese numerous times whilst picking up the Ricotta cheese and again, looking for the pasta shells. I passed the fresh basil while shopping the produce section and had to retrieve it at the end...

It was not a delightful shopping trip. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be 'on top' of things and not last minute. I wanted to stop filling the empty spots in my planner and begin right then focusing on what God has called me to. Ironically, this was one of those things that I knew God was favoring. Unfortunately, I had set so many things in front of this moment for Jesseca and Baby Reese that I didn't get to fully enjoy the moments preparing for this celebration.

With no one to blame but myself, I checked out and drove half-awake to the next store praying that God's grace would be upon me. That His hand of power would be over me allowing me to get through another day of ME and the good things I do.

Today I didn't shower... today I let the kids run in and out of the back yard whilst finding slugs... today a pill-bug was lost in the house... today I washed laundry, did dishes and took kids to school... today I wrote absolutely nothing in my planner for the days to come.

Today I took Time and let it do its own thing.

2009-05-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

There are few requirements we have for who's able to join us for 'church' at the Scheis on Sunday mornings.

Best toy investment in a long time...

2009-05-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

TUB OF BEANS

You'll need:

1. An empty tupperware bin with lid.
2. A 25-lb. bag of pinto beans from Costco ($13.99).
3. An old sheet for 'bean control'.
4. Unused kitchen supplies, recycled yogurt cups (for example), or cheap plastic sandbox toys.

SHOP ALBERTSONS THIS WEEK!

2009-05-14T15:08:00.000-07:00

If you don't already know, than you should know.

For less than $30 THIS week ($29.48 to be exact), you can purchase the following:

3 - 12 oz. Kraft American Cheese Slices
2 - 12 Double Rolls of Cottonelle Bath Tissue
2 - Albertsons Cereal
3 - Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Albertsons Shredded or Chunk Cheese
4 - Fresh Express Premium Salad Blends
2 - Best Foods Mayonnaise

Holy Cow! Go clip the coupons that came in your mail - they'll be in your Albertson's ad!

Understanding 'being lit'.

2009-05-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

I'm no Yuen Lui wannabe... nor am I aspiring to be a studio portrait photographer. I would, on the other hand, love to understand lighting so that I can create an emotional and dramatic picture indoors when the natural lighting doesn't suffice. Consequently, I purchased a 2-light kit from Photobasics just a couple of weeks ago and have discovered how much I have to learn about manipulating light and the dramatic effect it can have on your subject(s).

This is fun... here's a few shots we took tonight after dinner.

PLEASE DON'T MIND THE SLATE BACKGROUND...

(A) This has the 'perfect' (per the kit instructions) lighting:

(B) This shots a little 'hot' actually. Pardon the pun. ;)

(C) This shot was taken with only one light.

Oi... I hope Katie never reaches modeling height.

Au naturel...

2009-04-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

The yard is so much prettier with dandelions.

Type A... no B... no A...

2009-04-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

Type A individuals can be described as impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure about their status, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation. They are often high achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about the smallest of delays. Because of these characteristics, Type A individuals are often described as "stress junkies. Type B individuals, in contrast, are described as patient, relaxed, and easy-going.

It has been told over and over again that I am very "Type A"... and since I have described myself that way for the last few years, I decided it would be wise to research Wikipedia in an effort to better understand some things about myself.

The above italicized paragraph was pulled from Wikipedia. What I found had everything from a definition of the "personality disorder" to the assessment and health complications. I would say that I fall closer to the Type A/B personality, which simply means there is not enough evidence in my behaviors to dub me as either -- meaning that I am 'managing quite well', if you will.

This morning was the first morning I had the privilege of watching a friends' children. I will be watching them twice a week come the beginning of June and I've been so excited. As we prepared to take Kyle and I's friend, Darryl, to the Everett Train Depot today, I gave myself a time at which I would shoot to be out the house by. Now this doesn't mean I look at the clock, see that is is NOW time to 'get out of the house by' and then proceed to have the children wrangled, shoes put on, coats grabbed and in the car... no, that means we are strapped in and in reverse at 9:10am. Darryl did a great job of making that happen as I was in the midst of a phone call at the time... but hours later, when lunch was eaten and school was about to start, I made sure we were wrangled, shoes on, coats grabbed, school bags in hand, strapped in and in reverse by 11:55am - which means kids are wrangled at 11:40am.

Yes, I have it down to a science.

And yes, I love it. It energizes my soul.

The Type B comes in when I receive a phone call at 9:00am (10 minutes before we needed to be in 'reverse'. I pause - Type A - thinking that I shouldn't be held up on the phone whilst trying to get out of the house in 10 minutes BUT I answer - Type B - because its a number I don't recognize and the fear of not knowing who it was would drive me BONKERS - Type A) and am asked if my 'offer still stands' for tomorrow. I excitedly answer that I "would love to have him tomorrow" because I truly would... I feel relaxed about having another 3 year old around tomorrow. Anything that needs to get done can get done with another child around. THAT seems Type B.

What I'm realizing is that my desire to have children around may stem from my Type A personality. Not that I'm Type A as a result of enjoying watching children... but that I enjoy watching others' children as a result of being Type A. It goes both ways because I do have a heart for children... but boy, it makes the world go 'round when I can organize them!

I will make a list so that I can check things off.

I will make a list for what errands I need to run and the 'route' I'll be taking to accomplish all my errands in one outing... (bank, post office, library, redbox, dry cleaning, preschool, home for naps) It speaks to my heart.

I've had 5 children today since 8 o'clock... we have played, taken our friend to the Everett Train Depot, played, cleaned 3 rooms (kids' room, living room, playroom), eaten lunch, taken 2 children to school and have 3 children at home and quiet.

I am Routine Queen to a fault. But oh, its at moments like this that I love my personality disorder.

"I just think things should work properly."

2009-04-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

So, a couple friends of mine have not heard of the Kidco PeaPod travel beds which surprises me. Not because everyone's heard of them and they should be ashamed of themselves... but because I have heard of them, enjoyed the likes of them, and have come to find out that it makes more sense than a pak n play. The friends of whom I'm speaking are extremely savvy in the kids' products realm whereas I'm apparently content with being the Mom buying the last CLEARANCE item off the shelf before the "up and coming" items arrive. What's frustrating is that these two friends are women who appreciate the efficiency the "up and coming" items provide and I'm left with a few less features on mine (which I'm not willing to take back because I'd probably pay someone to just go pick up the new item for me while I try to Craigslist the old which probably wouldn't sell making it all the more a financially bad decision so I simply stick with what I have and try not to envy.)

If you haven't heard of the Kidco PeaPod and the Kidco PeaPod Plus (larger size - pictured above), then check them out. They are great for kids who are 1) little and don't know how to manipulate zippers yet 2) older and are deterred by the zipper 3) are old enough to stay in bed without a fuss (you can leave the zipper flap opened like a tent.)

Benjamin slept in the original PeaPod, William slept in the PeaPod Plus (with the flap open) and it was wonderful! They fold up into something the size of a large frisbee and are easily transportable.

I love them! If only I was pregnant again and in the midst of investigating the "up and coming" items... oh wait, I NEVER did that. But wished I had.

Efficiency is key. Right Kristen?!

Elizabeth

2009-04-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth was a rollie pollie that came into our life a short 5 hours ago. She was round, lively, loved to sit on my shoulder as I walked around the house. It was quite adorable when Elizabeth would crawl up my arm - I would giggle and whisper sweet nothings to her like, 'oh you're so silly. Do you like my arm? Yeah? You can crawl on my arm. Are you having fun, Elizabeth?' William loved watching she and I interact and there were moments when I thought just maybe Elizabeth was part human.

It was during our errands this afternoon that Elizabeth's life came to a tragic end. It wouldn't have been so bad had it been quick but her little legs squirmed this way and that as she gasped for air after I drowned her with a water bottle cap full of water. I thought she was thirsty so I dropped a little into the holes my Mom made in the top of Elizabeth's jar. My Mom couldn't understand the sadness on my face until I told her the whole story of what happened - for a "special time" (that's what William and I call it when we get to do something we don't usually get to do) my Mom let me take the lid off the bug jar in the car and hold her to see if she could be revived. She slowed in my hand and eventually took her last breath... I asked permission to throw her out my window and immediately after exclaimed that I hope she'd be happy out there.

Moments later we were at home... Ben stayed in the car while William, my Mom and I searched quickly for another rollie pollie. We found one minutes before we left for school and gathered the perfect furnishings for her home. I took her to school today to share with all the kids for my Share Day...

Her name is Elizabeth 2.

Wading into the water...

2009-04-23T21:07:00.000-07:00

I'm slowly wading into the water... I have no expectations at all as to the force that's about to hit me. It may be an insurmountable wave of 'something' that God will steady me through while I get my bearings and find myself in a turbulent and exciting sea of believers... or maybe I'll look up to find the most serene, quiet lake stretch out ahead of me as I slowly become equipped to do what He's calling me to do. Or to my dismay, this will always look somewhat like a river - ever-changing and never quite predictable. A place where I'll have to quickly shift my expectations and desires to whatever the next group of believers is 'needing' as they traverse through their own sanctification process on the way to eternity.

I say to my dismay because I don't really want to do this. If God's calling me to something, my dream is that it'd be predictable. I've done 'this' before - or at least the 'this' that my finite mind can conjure up. I've felt much like Jonah being called to Ninevah lately -- ok, in all honesty, I've felt it over the past 6 months. Kyle and I have felt, and spoken to the fact, that we are being clearly disobedient in our continuing to attend our most recent church. Our disobedience doesn't lie in being a part of something that God is not pleased with... our disobedience lies in the simple explanation that what God has called our family to is something different. And we haven't begun to explore the 'something different'.

Until this last Sunday morning.

I awoke as I do each morning (this one happened to be Sunday morning)... I watched as the minutes crept towards "7:00" and the kids were chatting in the next room over. I don't remember whether Kyle or I got up first, got the kids downstairs, started the coffee and began the 30-minute routine of getting our gears oiled for the day ahead. What I DO remember is thinking to myself (with the gracious help of the Holy Spirit), "are we going to keep doing what we're doing or are we going to be obedient?" Well, when you put it in those words, which are the exact words impressed upon my heart in the moment, the answer is rather clear.

OBEDIENT.

Kyle sipped his coffee and hung out with the kids while I reheated and re-proportioned the right amount of creamer to coffee in my mug... I drummed my fingers and stood at the island in the kitchen - I imagine looking somewhat disheveled with hair wisps creating a blond halo around my head - and watching my family... the minutes ticking by on the microwave. "get ready for church..." "get ready for church..." "get ready for CHURCH..." "GET READY FOR CHURCH..." "GET READY FOR CHURCH NOW!"

I popped. Not in anger or impatience - but in heart. My heart went from feeling caged up and needing to be stroked to a heart that was needing to face whatever God had for me... and it needed to finally happen.

"Kyle, I think we should stay home today." I said it. He looked at me as though God had just revealed to him that I was the woman he was about to marry. He was so pleased and I could see his 'visionary' side set at ease - or at ease as a visionary can set. "Katie has asked if we can invite all our neighbors over for lunch and my thought was that we should take time this morning to create, print out and let Katie color all the invitations for a neighborhood BBQ served out of our garage."

"That sounds great." For Kyle this is music to his soul. He enjoys the relationship built with the Lord through the unknown and gets excited about the visions that God lays out before us - day by day. I've come to enjoy the "year by year" visions... even THAT is a little too unpredictable - but I've learned to trust. He's always proven to be faithful as I was talking with my Mom about only hours before writing this blog! Kyle and I never bought that Jeep... Kyle and I never bought that house in The Falls... Kyle and I never... over and over again BECAUSE the Lord told us not to. Against what my desires (earthly or, in my own defense, somewhat spiritual) were, He always prevailed and His ways were true.

We spent the next couple of hours making invitations for a "32nd Dr SE BBQ" -- Katie picked the "flamingo theme" I assume (I never did ask Kyle if that was his preference of clip art, I guess I just assumed.)

Once invitations were done, showers were taken and kids were dressed, I went to the great lengths of creating something other than Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I made baked chicken with vegetables... and we sat around the table - all of us. Kyle and myself, Katie (almost 5), William (just turned 3) and Benjamin (just turned 1)... we each had our bibles out (except Ben who we entertained with food on the tray of his booster seat) and we opened up to the "Greatest Commandment" being

Matthew 22:37-39: Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your mind... Love your neighbor as yourself.

It was fantastic. The kids were expected to sit pleasantly, listen to the scripture being taught and then converse about how we are applying that commandment in our lives and how we are applying God's commandment to 'love our neighbor as ourself'... it was wonderful and hard at the same time. My excitement grew as I watched my family commune together and worship God in scripture and sharing a meal together with more intention than normal. It was hard because I wanted to begin putting parameters around it and create expectations for the coming weeks... but I couldn't. I do believe that in time other people will join us... but I don't know who and I don't know why other than they'll be called to be obedient to Him and they will find themselves around our table... what then?

Oh how badly I want to control.

I can guarantee you there will be a lot more to write about. You'll share with me in this adventure... for I don't know who else to go to.

Letting go of what we know...

2009-04-22T14:21:00.001-07:00

When HAVEN'T I expected my child to be more astute than the average child? When have I allowed the general consensus to be what determines my child's abilities? I realized early on that the ability for a child to manipulate his or her parents begins at merely 9 months of age... maybe earlier. Studies have shown this. I have always treated my child as if they were a "step ahead of where they're at" age-appropriate-wise and I know that that desire for my child to continue to excel (though sometimes in an attempt to 'preen my own feathers') has been a desire for them to learn how to cope with the world surrounding them and attempting to persuade them at every turn.

Benjamin turned one year old on April 5th. That very evening he was put to sleep with his binkie and a bottle for the last time. Though many people think that's a bit too drastic of a step to make for one so little... I'm hesitant to expect anything less of him. Not because of some odd militaristic control that I want to have over my kids but simply because I know that I do better with the black and white and I do know that their little bodies can handle it if expected to! I truly believe this lack of fear of "expecting too much of my children" has created in them a sense of self-regulating and sensing the Spirit of the Lord in ways that are thought unimaginable by the world at large, sadly enough, including the Christian world at large.

When William was potty trained, I chose a "3 Day" approach. He was potty trained within the 3 days set aside and its been only during MY moments of doubt that has he ever backslid.

Benjamin is allowed free range on the stairs at 12 months 4 days of age... Katie (4) and William (3) are left downstairs while I go up to take a shower in the mornings... Benjamin does not get to wake up at the bright light of 6am but is expected to entertain himself in his crib until 7am when the family awakes... Katie, William and Ben share a room as there needs to be a room for guests in our home. They are a "team" and I want them to learn how to build community within our family and begin to understand the self-sacrifice it takes to serve each other well as naps are taken and access to "their quarters" is denied... someone is screaming and the others need to learn how to pray for them and ask God to give them peace - even if from selfish motivation, I can guarantee its more than the child sleeping soundly in the next room is going to have to learn! These choices are right for our family and now we're having to decide on influences outside our home -- oh, we've already thought about the secular influences and sadly enough, those influences don't have quite the negative impact that the Christian world at large can have.

For several years I've watched as the children of "the church" are entertained. They walk from their corral tagged with a fun craft and a "memory verse" that's been printed a couple hundred times above a half-colored picture of some bible character they may or may not have learned about that day. I take their hand with a cheesy grin on my face and hope to conjure up some fantastic principle that they learned that day in Sunday School. As volunteers in these classrooms we wipe noses, watch a video (yes even at church), and try to enforce behavior that is "acceptable" as opposed to create an atmosphere that teaches biblical principles such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. I'm not saying that those serving in these areas of the church should be ashamed necessarily, but what I am saying is that we've sold out on something short of what our children (whose heart will accept the Spirit) are capable of. We've begun to "sell to the masses" as a way of getting more families into the church as opposed to holding to the commitment we made at each dedication to "train this child up in the Lord" - training them to be 'distinctive'.

As a church, we are no longer distinctive. We have lost our 'saltiness'... and once that is lost, we lose our effectiveness.

How do we right this?

Like a lady.

2009-04-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I've had a bra that looked sexy when it was thrown on the floor...

I have arrived.

I spent $190+ on bras at Nordstrom this last Saturday and I cannot describe the difference it makes when pulling a shirt over my head and down... I cock my head sideways and am rather pleased at what I see. What's so nice is knowing that moments of "spontaneity" with my husband won't be blindsided by the appearance of cantaloupes-turn-hacky sack inside something fit for a watermelon. These bras hold their OWN shape, they FIT appropriately and they make me feel fantastic - not to mention they won't enable the dried fruit to get worse like cheaper bras do... amen to the women who KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE and have chosen their life career to benefit women who are hurting, broken, lost and in search of a new soul.

If you haven't already, go to Nordstrom and get fit. It will change your life.

"Thanks me old mucker..."

2009-04-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

To say "me old mucker" means my old friend. To muck about is to mess about. When you hang out and mess around that is to muck about and you do this with friends.

My Easter was spent with an incredible group of people. My best friend in high school was Jamie Hopkins. She went off to UPS in Tacoma, WA, and met the wonderful Brad Forbes. Her parents, Gary and Judy Hopkins (see photo left) were the Young Life Area Directors in the Tri-Cities and also spent this Easter with us! Well, Jamie Hopkins is now Jamie Forbes, a Mom of two young boys, Aiden and Oliver (Ollie) and living in the exotic London, England... (tongue in cheek - as she's laughed at peoples' perceptions of them whilst they've been here visiting).

Brad, Jamie, Aiden (3) and Oliver (1) flew over from London to visit family, spend Easter and 'check in' with the headquarters of Russell Investments in Tacoma WA (Jamie's current office is in Picadilly Circus, London - see photo) which is the company Jamie works for abroad. We felt so privileged that they chose to spend the Easter weekend with Kyle, myself and the kids - we vegged out, sipped glorious wine, watched golf, lost ourselves in wonderful conversations, celebrated Jamie's 30th birthday, shopped at Nordstrom where I became envious of Jamie's post-pregnancy physique - absolutely beautiful! - and slept under one roof for two nights in a row... it made my heart SWELL. It was wonderful and more so than I was anticipating even.

It has been a weekend of laughing about the things that never change... such as grey, GAP zip-up hoodies and white v-neck GAP t-shirts... GAP jeans and how easily cheer chants come to us after 12 years of being 'away'. I'm not necessarily advocating the 'cheer mentality' BUT I'm also not ashamed of that year in my life -- go Kamiakin Braves! **The following pictures are for Jamie -- I thought she'd get a kick out of them -- these are not for the rest of you. They do not know how Kanye got one of our lettermans jackets... funny, eh?**

We spoke of Maggie Sinclair - now Maggie Lynch, whose birthday is only weeks away. The moments the three of us girls spent together laughing and enjoying life. We were inseparable and to this day enjoy the moments we have to reconnect. Maggie is in Eastern Washington... I'm in Western Wasington... and its 'just like Jamie' to live in London, England. Not to mention, God just called her parents back to the states after four years of serving Him in Malawi, Africa. Aaaahh... the fun calls God puts on our lives. Isn't it fun to see common threads woven through families when it comes to His calling?? Jamie's sister in now in Malawi with her husband and I've yet to hear when they plan on returning to the states, if ever!

Brad, Jamie, Aiden and Oliver, Gary and Judy... thank you for celebrating this last weekend with us. You were each a breath of fresh air and I will remember Easter 2009 for the rest of my life as the Easter we partied with 'me old muckers'.

Benjamin Berges is Walking!

2009-04-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

I have DREAMED of the day when my children will no longer NEED to be carried... living in Seattle does not make the crawling stage much fun as everything outside is consistently wet or muddy from the recent rain or perpetual mist.

Great job, my boy. You make a mama happy.

Today's favorite moments...

2009-04-10T13:52:00.000-07:00

Runner-ups...

- shopping the 7th Avenue Fresh Produce (open air) Market today. There's something WONDERFUL about buying all my produce so fresh... and the kids ALWAYS choose a honey stick as we're checking out... its become a tradition.

- running into (literally and intentionally) Michelle O'Shea at Costco. I was hoping to catch her screaming expletives moments before her realization that it was me... but she was much too kind. THEN she realized it was me... and then expletives flew.

- all the wonderfully mannered people from street to store today. It was so pleasant in spite of the rain! People were quick to lend a hand, quick to let me into traffic with a smile and a nod, quick to smile at my children and wave, quick to wish the kids and I a 'Happy Easter!'... it was wonderful. People were patient and unhurried today wherever I found myself.

- my time with the Katie and William as we read the crucifixion story (most recent blog) and talked of the details of how painful it was but WHY He did what He did.

- Katie's prayer after we read the crucifixion story. She thanked Jesus for dieing on the cross to save us; she thanked him for being so brave; she thanked him for doing what he did because 'we want to see him' (I can only imagine that she was referring to life with him after we die) - it was beautiful and right from the heart of a child.

***AND THE WINNER MOMENT OF THE DAY***

[Mom] When we get home we're all going to go straight upstairs to our room for naps.

[Katie] Ok. I don't want a quiet time, I want to take a nap today. I'm tired.

[William - at the mere mention of a nap begins to cry uncontrollably] I'm not tired. Daaaaaaddyyyyy... I want my Daaaaaaaddyyyyy... (sniffle, sniffle, eye-rub, eye-rub) I'm not tired. I don't want to take a naaaaaaap.

[Mom - shaking her head and chuckling to herself. Amazingly able to handle the whining and crying] Ok William.

Upon arriving home, William was still crying. I asked him to crawl into his bed - which he did without hesitation and was asleep before I laid Ben down next to him.

It was awesome and predictable from the moment he began crying uncontrollably on our way home.

And I loooooove 'predictable'.

Good Friday

2009-04-10T07:27:00.000-07:00

THE SUN STOPS SHINING
from The Jesus Storybook Bible

"So you're a king, are you?" the Roman soldiers jeered. "Then you'll need a crown and a robe."

They gave Jesus a crown made out of thorns. And put a purple robe on him. And pretended to bow down to him. "Your Majesty!" they said.

Then they whipped him. And spat on him. They didn't understand that this was the Prince of Life, the King of heaven and earth, who had come to rescue them.

The soldiers made him a sign - "OUR KING" and nailed it to a wooden cross.

They walked up a hill outside the city. Jesus carried the cross on his back. Jesus had never done anything wrong. But they were going to kill him the way criminals were killed.

They nailed Jesus to the cross.

"Father, forgive them," Jesus gasped. "They don't understand what they're doing."

"You say you've come to rescue us!" people shouted. "But you can't even rescue yourself!"

But they were wrong. Jesus could have rescued himself. A legion of angels would have flown to his side - if he'd called.

"If you were really the Son of God, you could just climb down off that cross!" they said.

And of course they were right. Jesus could have just climbed down. Actually, he could have just said a word and made it all stop. Like when he healed that little girl. And stilled the storm. And fed 5,000 people.

But Jesus stayed.

You see, they didn't understand. It wasn't the nails that kept Jesus there. It was love.

"Papa?" Jesus cried, frantically searching the sky. "Papa? Where are you? Don't leave me!"

And for the first time - and the last - when he spoke, nothing happened. Just a horrible, endless silence. God didn't answer. He turned away from his Boy.

Tears rolled down Jesus' face. The face of the One who would wipe away every tear from every eye.

Even though it was midday, a dreadful darkness covered the face of the world. The sun could not shine. The earth trembled and quaked. The great mountains shook. Rocks split in two. Until it seemed that the whole world would break. That creation itself would tear apart.

The full force of the storm of God's fierce anger at sin was coming down. On his own Son. Instead of his people. It was the only way God could destroy sin, and not destroy his children whose hearts were filled with sin.

Then Jesus shouted out in a loud voice, "It is finished!"

And it was. He had done it. Jesus had rescued the whole world.

"Father!" Jesus cried. "I give you my life." And with a great sigh he let himself die.

Strange clouds and shadows filled the sky. Purple, orange, black. Like a bruise.

Jesus' friends gently carried Jesus. They laid Jesus in a new tomb carved out of rock.

How could Jesus die? What had gone wrong? What did it mean? They didn't know anything anymore. Except they did know their hearts were breaking.

"That's the end of Jesus," the Leaders said.

But, just to be sure, they sent strong soldiers to guard the tomb. They hauled a huge stone in front of the door to the tomb. So that no one could get in.

Or out.

****

Kyle called me this morning moments after he drove away. He had forgotten to mention to me an idea that he had heard on NPR the other day. People were calling in to tell of traditions that they keep on Good Friday. One woman had fond memories of her mother always bringing her siblings in from whatever they were doing between 12:00pm and 3:00pm. They would sit quietly in remembrance of the time that Jesus died on the cross. What a brilliant idea! As Kyle acknowledged, what a neat way for the kids to experience the 'full circle' on Sunday when we celebrate His resurrection!

Today, in the midst of preparing for whatever festivities lie ahead, take some time out to be still - with kids or without kids - and pray, read scripture, worship in song and give glory to the King of Kings as what He did on this day was eternal and we are enjoying the rewards. Life with Him. Sinners forgiven and invited into His presence daily.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Thrill.

2009-03-31T10:18:00.000-07:00

For William's birthday, we packed the car with little people and drove to Costco for hotdogs and churros... the kids were SO WELL BEHAVED. I had a wonderful time keeping everyone very organized and somewhat clean. Harper and ketchup are quite a pair... ;)

Following our escapade at Costco, we packed the car again and drove back home. The youngest of the five, Harper and Ben, settled down for naps and the older three had a quiet time in the playroom upstairs. It was wonderful for all involved...

Upon Harper waking up, William got to open his present that had arrived minutes earlier from Grandpa and Grandma Berges... they do a great job of getting the kids the things that they'll remember -- they may not be 'classics', if you will, but none the less, they are the things that are so AWESOME that you remember them well into your later years...

'Mom, do you remember when I got my first lightsaber?'

'Yes, William... it was like 30 years ago. I can't believe you still have it!'

What is "church"?

2009-03-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

In the interest of wanting to discover what God has for Kyle and I, I've been really wrestling with scripture VERSUS our adopted idea of what "church" is. I know what the North American church is... but what does God say church is in His Word?

Please give me a 'nod' and include any scripture references you'd like to share with me. I'm hoping this could be an open forum for a bunch of you out there that have deeply impacted my life, to open and up and share your thoughts. The consideration is this, do NOT begin without first seeking the scripture that drew you to your current understanding of "church" and what God has called your family to.

Thank you!!

Feliz Cumpleanos, William!

2009-03-30T14:29:00.000-07:00

For his birthday lunch, William wanted a Costco hotdog. In the interest of money, I invited a few of his friends, Ava and Harper Kalous, to come...

I believe my dream of God calling us to Mexico someday just may be more of a reality than I have allowed myself to hope for... the ability for my children to adapt their bodies to any environment first manifests itself in their ability to adapt to any God-forsaken food I allow them to ingest.

Buena suerte kids! (aka, 'good luck kids!')

My reality is shifting...

2009-03-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure I'm ready to move on. I'm not even sure I want to be 'done'... although I'm sure that I don't want another. Although, I'm not sure that I'm sure.

Benjamin is big -- not fat and chubby, he's solid. You look at him and think, 'oh cute'... and then you lift him up and think 'holy ____, where's he storing the bricks?' There's nothing light about him. He's taken steps, he'll be walking within the next 10 days, I'd imagine. He's babbling with purpose - things like 'anana!' (banana) and 'oddy!' (Katie)... he shakes his head and has taken to some of his 'signs' such as MORE and ALL DONE. He's not a baby anymore... he's a toddler.

Holding one... wiping one... and disciplining another... its what I'm used to! What will I do when this is no longer the contents of my morning, afternoon and evening?! I've got my dear friend who is most likely cuddling and carrying around her beautiful 5.5 lb., 18" long newborn, Reese (notice I didn't mention 'soothing'... I don't remember those moments). I'm a little jealous. My other friend is 6 months pregnant with her third child as she hosts her 3 year old and 14 month old at home on a daily basis. I'm jealous. And those that are just around the corner about ready to break the news to the world that they are EXPECTING... (no, I have not heard yet, I've just been around the block enough to put money on it). I'm jealous.

No, no, no. Don't get all hot and bothered and begin making notes on what you're going to say to me when you see me next. I don't want to hear it and I won't listen... my heart speaks loudest of all. And like I said. I'm sure... and I'm not sure that I'm sure. There's nothing I can do but cut through the honeymoon of it all and realize the honeymoon of the 'here and now' -- I should be jealous of MYSELF. I mean, I'm sleeping (for the most part)... I'm not nursing (that just reminded me, I need a new training bra)... my kids don't scream without some way of being soothed. Soothed 'quickly', might I add...

But oh! The ANTICIPATION of the birth... the ELATION of the newborn in the hospital (I love that first day)... the EXCITEMENT of bringing him/her home for the first time... the ORGANIZATION of juggling more kids than you've ever juggled before... the daily AFFIRMATION that this one belongs to you and you'd die for it. Yes, so much more is involved but I don't seem to remember all that...

Honestly, the only reason that I'm not jumping back into the saddle is because of photography. I have a dream to truly invest myself into this profession and I'm excited to see where it takes me... slowly but surely, I will mold my desires for another baby into something that I believe God is creating in my heart.

The desire to capture all that surrounds me on a daily basis. There is so much awesomeness in my children, in YOUR children, that I've yet to completely indulge myself in what God has given us.

Oi.

Oh Ben...

2009-03-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

Benjamin woke this morning after 13 hours of sleep... it was wonderful! And just what his little body needed after being sick for so long. I have high hopes that his body is recuperating and will be back to 100% before the week is out.

He took a shower with Dad today... I had to grab the camera. Check out my photography blog for more pics of this cute boy.

Oh yeah... and he's been WALKING! I've been dreaming of this day for soooo long.

Daily Tidbits.

2009-03-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

1. THE LOGICAL WAY TO MAKE A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH, by Katie Schei

Butter one side of each piece of bread.
Place cheese slices in the middle of those two pieces of bread.
Place sandwich on griddle.
Garnish the top of the sandwich with mini pieces of cheese.
When flipping the sandwich the mini cheese pieces will be just warm and gooey enough that they will not fall off but will instead sear themselves to the underside of your sandwich and get crispy making for the MOST AMAZING GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH EVER.

Mother seconds that motion. I will always make my grilled sandwiches that way from now on. A restaurant could actually brand that sandwich!

2. William (son of a poker player and an aspiring photographer) thought this would be a cool picture so he set it up and asked me to take a picture from this angle.

Mother seconds that motion.

Hannah-Banana

2009-03-19T19:12:00.001-07:00

I had the privilege of spending last weekend at home with my little sister, Hannah. It was very special that as I was filling my tank at the Costco gas station on the way out of town, I received a text from Hannah saying simply, 'I need you right now :('. I was so excited to be able to text back, 'On my way out of town now. I'll see you in about 6 hours.' I don't believe at that moment she had any idea that I was coming... it had been a very last minute decision for Katie and I to haul over there early Friday afternoon.

Thank you Kristen for your support in being able to take my boys for the afternoon... you were quite the sight with a slew of 5 boys under the age of 5 and a very pregnant figure! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Hannah was 6 days into recovering from her head on collision. The collision happened on a two lane road - the speed limit is 50mph and Hannah believes she was traveling anywhere from 40-45mph while the other car was likely going 50mph. Hannah remembers the moment she looked up and there was a car directly in front of her, she remembered nothing of the accident for the first day or so following the event. She then began to have flashbacks... the impact, the smell, her own screaming.

When I arrived on Friday, I hugged her so tightly and cried. How do I describe how Hannah fits into my life? Hmmmm... she is indispensable. Nothing and no one could ever be what she is to me. She is refreshing to be around, easy to love and incredible to watch as she just lives her life with the gifts that God has given her. She's my sister. My only sister. We have a bond that, although separated by 14 years of age, allows us to look to each other for support, share clothes, poke fun at, tell secrets to, and talk about our parents with... (sorry Mom and Dad). I adore her... and not only do I love her, I truly like her and look up to her in so many ways.

She is doing well following the accident. I've had many people ask about her and her well-being. Her nose was broken from 'meeting' the airbag, if you will. BUT it broke straight so it did not need to be straightened out by the doctors. Her knee was, for lack of better words, 'filleted open' down to the bone and it took 100 stitches to sew her up - Mom's doing an excellent job of keeping it cleaned and bandaged. The bruising and soreness from the seat belt and air bag is lessening day by day as I'm sure the stiffness is. The only concern was this last Saturday while I was there... Hannah began passing a noticeable amount of blood in her urine along with sharp abdominal pains. This was likely due to the internal bleeding she suffered from having her spleen damaged in the crash. The prescription was rest and more rest with symptoms to look out for... none of which manifested themselves the next day! Praise the Lord!

Thank you for all your prayers and support during this time. I was able to be with her and love on her for a couple of days which was much needed -- Katie and I made it back over the pass as the winter storm was in full swing on Snoqualmie. Fortunately, as I approached the pass, the restrictions were updated from "chains required" to "traction tires advised"... and as I approached the latter summit they were updated again from "traction tires advised" back to "chains required". Just in the nick of time! I had chains with me and had practiced putting them on - but oh was I thankful!

I praise God for Hannah's survival, and as a good friend reminded me early on, 'don't get caught up on the what ifs' and so I'm praying for the clarity of mind to stay in the here and now. It has been an incredible feat that God has taken my family through - one we will forever be grateful for as we watch Hannah grow in her walk with the Lord and into her later years.

I love you, Banana. (photo: top Row, 3rd from the left with white shirt)

Things that I love...

2009-03-18T19:52:00.001-07:00

1. A delicious meal made from all the 'stuff' in my pantry...

(Here I made my own marinara sauce with 'extra chunkiness', topped it with an egg, sprinkled Parmesan cheese over the top and baked it for 24 minutes. Serve with a piece of sourdough bread! Thank you, Martha.)

2. The 'perfect spread' of produce on the island in my kitchen awaiting its demise. Assortment of apples, partially green bananas, a couple avocados, a lemon, a lime, garlic and some cherry tomatoes - which I pureed and utilized in tonight's meal since they were wonderfully ripe! The colors are so beautiful especially right after the kitchen's been wiped down... and the fact that I've got any of the above ingredients at my fingertips is always relaxing.

***PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE ON HAND AND WHY! I LOVE KNOWING WHAT MAKES THE MOST SENSE TO HAVE AROUND... I usually have a couple onions, as well.***

Grapes and Gripes

2009-03-10T17:51:00.000-07:00

Safeway ran out of Red Seedless Grapes when they were on sale for $.88/lb so I picked up a raincheck a few weeks ago as I was checking out... I bought 6.5 lbs. of Red Seedless Grapes today. And I've decided buying them during a week when they're NOT on sale, is probably the best way to buy them. The selection is beautiful!

I do believe this is the first time I've pulled out an entire 2 lb. clump of grapes from the plastic bag with only a couple stragglers left behind... it was rather picturesque, if you will...

And secondly, my poor husband. He walks in the door tonight and we're all ecstatic to see him! Then he begins to just... well... 'be around' while I'm preparing the house for bedtime. And I started to get angry! He wasn't 'not doing anything' or 'getting the kids over-excited'... he was just 'being'. He asked me to not be so upset with him (bless his heart, he didn't even suspect that there was reason for me to be mad at him, he just simply met me in the middle and it took the edge off). I then understood that I was mad at him because he has interrupted the way that I do things when he's not around at bedtime - which has been a lot lately due to work. But I'm not used to having him here... whether he's helping or not, I was getting mad.

What gives?! I relaxed and now he is reading bedtime stories to the kids in the living room while I blog.

Hm. This IS nice come to think of it.

Snow Snow Go Away... come again sometime in May.

2009-03-09T14:22:00.000-07:00

This is ridiculous.

We awoke this morning to a 'dusting' of snow... but it just kept coming. Mid-morning it began sticking and has now accumulated 3-4 inches on our back patio and drive. The kids dug out all their snow gear from the back of the coat closet and escaped into the winter wonderland for, what I desperately hope to be, a last hooray!

Update:

2009-03-09T10:11:00.001-07:00

Hannah was not released this morning as her blood count was dropping. It sounds as though it was due to lacerations found in her spleen. They will continue to monitor her for another day and hope to release her tomorrow.

The woman in the other vehicle was listed in critical condition this morning. Prayer is needed all around right now.

The Grace of God

2009-03-08T23:19:00.001-07:00

This afternoon I received a call from my older brother, Geoff. Geoff lives in Cleveland, Ohio, and whenever he calls it creates in me an exhilaration that is not unlike what I felt when my Dad came home from work as I was growing up. I answered the phone to an emptiness realizing that I had just missed his call. I called back immediately. He answered with a catch in his throat and it took not more than a few words to realize that something was wrong.

"First off, Hannah's ok." He mentioned this, I'm sure, to keep me from frantic mood swings as I began to absorb the rest of what he was about to tell me. "She was in a head-on collision and is in the hospital. Its not life-threatening..." and he had to pause. He hung for a moment waiting for the ability to speak again. I tried to get him to speak up and release ANY information he had but he simply couldn't give me much. He had spoken with my Dad as he was walking into the Emergency Room to be with my sister who had just arrived in the aid car.

****
Hannah Catherine Berges. Born in 1993 - the daughter and sister of a family so closely knit together. She was knit into our lives in a way that only God could have ordained. Her existence has changed everyone around her and just today we were caught red-handed as we've taken life so casually. We've assumed an attitude of being invincible, or even worse, "cared for" and "entitled to life" as we know it.

Hannah was in a head-on collision today going 50 mph. The impact was severe - totaling both vehicles involved. She is fairing well with no more than a broken nose and a deep cut in her leg. She will be released tomorrow morning to go home and recuperate.

Hannah, I praise God for you and your health. I love you so deeply it hurts to not be with you right now... I'm so glad David was there.

Our God is a God of grace. All glory to Him.

Here we go again...

2009-03-05T13:55:00.000-08:00

My dear friend, Jesseca Emerson, is laid up at home on bed rest with her third. Little Baby Girl Emerson is due to arrive 6 weeks from now but it will be shorter for reasons that only the doctors seem to completely understand. We expect to meet this little one somewhere around the 1st of April, if not sooner.

Here is an old blog I wrote about Jesseca and I after the utter shock of taking four children into public following the birth of my second, William, and her second, Regan. Jess, we have our work cut out for us now. Where do you want to go first?!

I love you, friend. I can't wait to meet yet another adorable Emerson girl. And Riley, get your light saber out, you've got a couple princesses to protect.

(photos: Regan Anne (2yrs), 9/08 and Riley David (5yrs), 9/08)

Utensil Happy.

2009-03-04T22:17:00.000-08:00

Ben used a utensil for the first time this afternoon. He was smitten with this yellow fork... "there's so many things I can do with this yellow fork", he thought to himself.

Photography Blog

2009-03-02T13:10:00.000-08:00

Please keep updated with my photography blog. I'm excited about the opportunities that God keeps giving me as I continue walking with Him in all of this...

My Current To Do List.

2009-03-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

I wear flip flops around my house so that I am unaware of all the little crumbs living on my floor. I do believe this morning has been made less than wonderful due to the fact that I cannot find my flip-flops.

Here's my to do list:

- scrub all surfaces in my kitchen and make them SHINY!
- sweep the hardwood floors
- replenish my hand towel and washcloth supply downstairs
- wash all dirty hand towels and washcloths
- tag another bag of consignment clothes
- edit second half of the images for the church
- call April
- fold laundry upstairs
- remove stain from my carpet
- clean up Ben's pee spot upstairs
- wash 'accident' blankets from Will's bed
- organize kids' clothes in totes... get rid of pile in my room
- make dinner club dinner
- grocery game shop
- CONTINUE TO MAINTAIN ILLNESS IN OUR HOUSE - YES ALL THREE KIDS

Thank you, dear friends of old... its never dull.

2009-02-28T17:10:00.001-08:00

A weekend spent with these fine individuals is a weekend to remember. Thank you...

Scott and Holly... Dave and Beth... Geoff, Amy, Emily, Ethan and Eva... Jenny and Leo (missed you, Dusty) and those dearest to me, Kyle, Katie, William and Ben... also, in addition, my fantastic brother in law in from California. He had the pleasure of laughing around a table late into the night with these fine folk.

Cheers!

(Here are some shots from our Saturday afternoon down at Green Lake. Enjoy!)

My Jenny...

2009-02-23T13:57:00.000-08:00

Everything 'fits' into place when she's around. There's no better way to describe how I feel when Jenny is here... and Leo has quickly become a fixture in that. He is exactly who he's supposed to be - the wonderment of who Dusty and Jenny are together as a couple. Now Leo just 'fits' and he is amazing.
God bless you, my dear friend. I love you and cherish our friendship.

Just?

2009-02-20T09:36:00.000-08:00

LYSOL WIPES

Yesterday afternoon following my arrival home from Bible Study I was getting the kids dressed and ready to go to the park - it was sunny! As I sat on the floor of the kids' room, assisting William in the 'proper' way of getting dressed, I noticed a smudge on the bedroom door. It can't be what I think it is. After 3 weeks of coughs, watery eyes and runny noses the likelihood was high that this 'smudge' on the door was ridden with bacteria and cemented to the door - I have no idea how long it was there.

Katie walked over to the smudge, wrinkled up her face than relaxed and casually commented, 'oh... its just a sneeze.'

JUST A SNEEZE?! Have you got to be kidding me? I didn't think my kids KNEW how to pick their nose and wipe it on the walls! I immediately felt myself beginning to black out and struggling to come to. Everything around me began moving in slow motion and I could spot marks on walls as though I had a super power... boogers boogers everywhere! I HAD to get this house wiped down and FAST. My kids voices were getting slower and much lower as I rose to my feet and began searching for whatever antibacterial 'thing' I could find... LYSOL Wipes would do.

This morning I have swept, mopped, laundered, folded, stripped, and scrubbed in an effort to rid my home of grossness.

And I have LYSOL wiped any and all the boogers off my walls. Hopefully.

"Beauty is Pain" and other Schei Shorts

2009-02-19T15:18:00.000-08:00

BEAUTY IS PAIN

I [discretely] rolled my eyes at Katie this morning as she asked me to put her pink and black Hello-Kitty-Found-In-My-Happy-Meal-Yesterday wristwatch on the 'tightest' fitting... she squinted as I squeezed the nodule into the proper hole (custom made by Dad as the stock holes were made for someone larger). I apologized for how tight it was and asked if she wanted me to loosen it. To that question, she shook her hair from her face, lifted her chin and sniffed back the snot and tears... she grinned through pained eyes and said, 'no, Mom. Than it would just fall off.' Under my breath I said, 'beauty is pain, my child. Beauty is pain.' She heard it. I didn't think she had and when she asked what I said I just chuckled, 'nothing love.' But not a moment later, Katie was reciting it to herself as if it were her new mantra. 'Beauty is pain. Beauty is pain. Beauty is pain.' I wouldn't have been all that concerned had she not been swaying back and forth with her eyes closed and rubbing the sides of her temples... For goodness' sake! I HAD been considering the thought of looking into some child modeling for Katie ONLY because she is a natural in front of the camera... but I'm not so sure it wouldn't completely destroy her sense of inner beauty and the importance of.
(photo: Pacific Northwest born model, C.E. Schei, and her young beau, Leo, at the Parents Magazine Awards banquet last October)

VIOLENCE

As we drove to the park today Katie and William sat in the back discussing the technicalities of being 'squooshed' on the road. Whether that be themselves or some other mammal was what sparked my interest in the conversation. Oh no. Wait. WHAT sparked my interest in the conversation was, 'HEY MOM' and what immediately followed was Katie regurgitating the entire theoretical situation to me.

"It would be bad if you left William in the middle of the road and his head split open...' (to which William lifted his arms in the air and whispered loudly as if to claim victory over the moment, 'yeeeeaaahhh...') "... that would be bad. And then you'd have to go back and get him because he'd be in the middle of the road getting run over by cars." Immediately following was William in his oh-so-conservativeness, "yeeeeeeaaaaahhhh... and my body would be broken all over and my head would be split open..." as he made a warrior-like face. WHAT in God's good name did this kid think he would be accomplishing by dieing such a heroic/martyr-like death (or so it seemed he thought) at the mere age of 2 years and 11 months? I can only imagine what was going through his mind...

THE EARTH IS BEING INVADED (whatever that means) BY TRANSFORMERS

THE EARTH IS BEING BLOWN UP (didn't know what invaded meant) BY BIG BALLS OF FIRE

THE EARTH NEEDS ANOTHER SUPERHERO AND I WILL SAVE THEM BY BEING SQUOOSHED

... and oodles of other imaginative stories, I'm sure.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

GGDC Update

2009-02-16T16:06:00.000-08:00

Albertsons:
Total Bill: $59.13
Total Savings: $46.41

Safeway:
Total Bill: $57.26
Total Savings: $59.85

Safeway Purchase II: (took advantage of a sale where the limit was 'limit 1 per purchase' so I did two separate transactions) *this transaction did include 5 bottles of wine that were not 'grocery game material' which explains the less than 50% savings.
Total Bill: $45.65
Total Savings: $28.50

Pot o' Pintos

2009-02-14T10:27:00.000-08:00

Here is by far the largest pot of beans I have ever cooked. This evening our Small Group has committed to serving at a local church where every Saturday night those in need around the area can come and enjoy a free meal. Tonight we are serving bean burritos to 100+ people... and my house will smell like taco meat for days to come.

Happy Valentines Day!

2009-02-14T10:07:00.000-08:00

We have spent the morning decorating our house, lounging in our sweats and making Valentines for every person that is in the house, is coming to the house, and may possibly come to our house at any time today... Katie loves anything "art". If you're coming over, please call first. Katie would like to make sure you are her Valentine, too.

Laughter where once there was...

2009-02-11T19:50:00.000-08:00

William McCormick Schei has a way about him. A way of making one laugh out loud in the middle of a church service. Or worse yet, a funeral. What's so great about this 'gift' of his is that he has no idea he possesses it. Oh how I wish that wouldn't change. Because I know the day will come when I look at him quizzically and say something along the lines of, 'honey, what was that?' with a disgusted expression on my face. He will think that he is the hit of the moment when all he's really showing is that he has no tact and/or understanding of the social context he's in.

But for now, creating a "shooting gun" out of two royal blue 4/5 Crocs and a pew pencil while the worship team belts a hit song from the most recent, not to mention original, WOW CD is fantastic and awesome. As is his way of distinguishing the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised. 'Hey, Mom. Look.' He painfully speaks through clenched teeth. I look across the hallway into the bathroom and realize that his face is scrunched in pain as he looks at me and then down again at his 'peep'. My eyes travel down and there he is, standing with his peep out as he leans backwards, legs apart, knees bent, pants down around his ankles and he's pulling the foreskin as far as it will stretch down around the base of his little 'peep', "this is what [friend's name] looks like..." He looks back at me - probably in hopes that he hasn't executed this maneuver in vain - and I frightfully lurch forward as I go into a schpeel about fertility I MEAN privacy and uniqueness.

He tries so hard too. My heart is so proud that he makes such an effort at being, well, a girl when the time is appropriate and he feels the need to connect with Katie. He likes to have his nails painted, he likes to play the Mom if necessary and because he loves 'movement' so much he often turns that into a dance of sorts. This evening it was ballet. Or modern dance, if you will.

William's moves were new and original. Brian Boitano couldn't compete with the likes of one graceful W.M. Schei. He moved across the floor not unlike a crab walking on its two back legs, front arms bent and elbows shooting skyward behind him as he bent over in, I don't know, beautiful form. He waltzed and twirled and must have felt to him much like one feels when watching footage shot from a handicam - a little queasy and uneasy, your back hurts and you keep blinking your eyes in hopes that the feeling will go away and everything will become smooth and clear again. He ends each and every 'count' in a gorilla-like form. Squatting low, with one hand curled up under his armpit and the other one pounding the floor while slightly bouncing. He tops it all off with somewhat of a superhero expression on his face...

And off in the distance my daughter is extending one lanky leg up over her head as she does an arabesque with perfect balance and pristine form. A look on her face as though she's performing in front of thousands of people and they're all there to see her and no one else.

Ok. You can't see the latter expression on her face but I know her well enough to know that she is already thinking that way. They're there for her charm and elegance. Oh dear Lord, help me now. I have a little man who believes guns, foreskin and gorilla dancing are the way to get through the difficulties of life and a little lady who, if she could, would dress and dance until her clothes were too small and her feet bleed.

I have a lot to learn from them.

Oh... and I don't know what was there before the laughter. It just seems that when I laugh at my children due to their awesomeness and originality, I don't have anything to compare it to. I think God created that feeling for this moment... when I look at them as though I can see something supernatural and my heart swells as though I want to cry because the moment warrants such emotion but all I can do is laugh.

It is good.

GGDC Update

2009-02-10T16:41:00.001-08:00

That stands for Grocery Game Dot Com.

Albertsons:
Total Bill: 36.87
Total Savings: 43.05

That's awesome.

Safeway:
Total Bill: 24.51
Total Savings: 34.98

That's also awesome.

If you're wondering whether or not you're reading the information correctly... you are. I spent $61 and saved $78.

Quiet.

2009-02-09T21:07:00.000-08:00

I've had about a week of feeling quite numb. Whether its been that I've missed a couple doses of my 'happy pills' or the Satanic snow fall; whether its the detrimental behavior of my eldest child or the absolute bliss-turn-apathetic feeling of spending time with friends who know me well enough to not need me to be happy... (shout out to Mark and Rebecca and Jeremy and Rachel... you all are in my top 2 of couples - nothing like a good bloody battle, eh?)

Not sure where my quietness is coming from... well actually, I do. I simply don't have the energy to 'filter my words' carefully. I want people to be like me and in my egocentric moment I've realized I should cautiously stop typing and go pray about the words that want to fly forth... no, nothing earth shattering and most likely it has nothing to do with you. I'm not holding any grudges or upset to the point of melting but I am stewing in my quietness... whether out of contemplation or cautiousness. I'm not sure.

I'll (probably) talk to you tomorrow. No, not the 'you' that I've been stewing about. Just the 'you' that's reading this right now.

Cheers. Sleep tight.

Love Him Better

2009-01-30T13:17:00.000-08:00

Just yesterday evening Kyle informed me that a couple we've known for the last 10 or so years was getting divorced. We watched them as they built their relationship after meeting, we were part of the bridal party at their wedding and have continued a relationship with them since - trying to bridge the miles between us by visiting them each summer on our way to the Oregon Coast.

What's interesting is that God has been doing a work on me for the last few months and it all began to make sense during the funeral service last weekend in La Grand, Oregon. I want you to love your husband better. Not necessarily more because love isn't measurable in that way. He wanted me to begin at that moment loving my husband better. Chad and Kathy had a love affair and it was what made an impression on those around them from the time they met at 14 years of age. Now that's not to say that there weren't times Chad may have been locked out of the house -- that's nothing more than assumption -- or times Kathy may have wanted to bail! But the intensity of the love that God built between the two of them was inseparable by man and in Chad's passing Kathy was impacted in a way only God could empathize with.

I have no doubt the love Kyle has for me -- he does an exceptional job of showing me and I don't always receive it. He showers me with praise and encouragement; he's slow to anger and extremely patient; he keeps his heart contrite and is quick to correct it when its wrong; he communicates openly with me and when he's not [communicating openly] its a result of him being completely oblivious; he gets up early with the kids and lets me sleep; he calls me from work to say he loves me; he always calls on his way home to see if I need anything from the store... he adores me. He doesn't love me more than I love him... just better.

In my heartache of hearing of our friends' divorce I began contemplating how weird and unfamiliar that must feel... I can't even leave for a few days without dealing with the side effects of feeling unfamiliar and out of my comfort zone -- Kyle is the one I want to be around day in and day out... how does that change so drastically in one's marriage? I was speaking with my Mom today on the phone and discussing the oddity of the such things that God had such different intentions for and I told her:

I know in my heart of hearts that I will never be opposite Kyle in the courtroom...
I know in my heart of hearts that we will be tempted day in and day out...
And I know in my heart of hearts that prayer will be the only safety from an Enemy that seeks to destroy us...

Kyle and I have begun taking time to pray together just before he walks out the door in the morning. We are building a shelter around our marriage and seeking the Lord to bring us joy unimaginable in each other.

Not So Family Friendly and Kid Safe.

2009-01-29T12:53:00.000-08:00

As I ran my errands this morning I braved the local Christian radio station - of which I'm not a big fan of. The "uplifting and kid-safe" motto is not what inspires me to listen to it from time to time... I actually DO enjoy some Christian music out there and if it weren't for the unflappable cheerful tone that plagues the station no matter what they're talking about, I might be more apt to listen. I mean no offense to anyone who enjoys this station -- it just doesn't suit me or the faith that I cling to on a daily basis. I'm one who awakes in the morning, tussled hair and sweaty, gulping my 2 cups of coffee as if it were my life-line and close to homicide anytime someone turns on overhead lighting. If I were to turn on Spirit at that point in the morning, I can guarantee you I'd pull my gun from its holster and blow away the face of the receiver - without regret. But that's neither here nor there.

My relationship with the station itself is beyond repair and today created even deeper wounds when one of the ads came on for a local weight loss clinic. The ad contained material such as 'God didn't create you fat' and 'be more capable to do what you've been called to do' (what?! how many strippers are doing it for the Lord?! was my first thought... oh, they're talking to teachers, pastors and strippers alike. I see...) I was sick to my stomach to hear this ad twist God's voice in such a way as to make someone think that we have the ability to take ownership of what God does in our life! What's to keep someone from feeling entitled to some of the credit for what God's done in their lives when they're under the impression that the weight loss was what made the difference in their 'success'?! Sick. What a testament to our perverse way of thinking. I think what angers me so royally is that its the same crap that I've heard in my head for so many years and through studying the Word of God its been reiterated over and over again that these are lies the Enemy forces us to believe. The ad continued down the road of lies as it joyfully described the opportunities that await you -- no diet or exercise needed!

For those who know me. I enjoy the art of exercise. Exercise is what keeps our bodies healthy and capable of performing in our daily lives. Yes! Exercise creates health and health creates a physical aptitude of sorts which then in turn can contribute to what God has called you to but that has NOTHING to do with your physique. Your heart... your lungs... your body as a whole performs at various levels and what is sufficient for one may not be sufficient for another dependent on lifestyle and only you can be held accountable as to whether or not your physical capabilities is withholding you from serving the Lord in the capacity He's asked you to serve Him. But don't for one minute think that your light weight 120lb-self is going to be able to perform better than your 180lb-self in God's kingdom following some 'fantastic opportunity' you paid for down at the lipo clinic! No, God doesn't care about your physique. He cares about why you're the way you are... I can guarantee you the result of being obese can be due to the same compulsiveness that is at fault for being 95lbs. It is a heart that worships something greater than the God you claim to serve. Whether you eat too many calories during one meal or you run 10 miles a day -- if its not honoring to the Lord, you're both at fault.

As I sat in the car today, my children in their seats behind me, I teared up. I could not stand the fact that the local Christian radio station was enabling my daughter (who asks me daily if she's beautiful) to invite such dangerous lies into her head. And I had to conscientiously remember to not discuss my 'squooshy tummy' with an heir of resentment anymore but instead discuss with her the fantastic opportunities that await us in getting outside and playing.

The Lusk Home

2009-01-27T13:33:00.000-08:00

Here are some shots of Chad and Kathy's property in La Grand, Oregon... its beautiful. We spent the majority of time in Chad's 'man room' where I took the indoor shots. Yes, even the dessert table was set up in there... gorgeous dessert table.

Entering the property - Chad built this...

A close up -- you can see the eagle on one side and the ram on the other...

The Lusk home in the distance. A beautiful sight as it rests at the base of Mt. Emily - you are not able to see the mountain as it extends skywards directly behind the line of trees due to the fog... on a sunny day its absolutely breathtaking...

The long drive up to the house...

Looking from their deck across the valley. A cowboy boot-bird feeder in the foreground...

The deck - you can see the smoke from the BBQ. It was a feast! We had Tri-tip, moose, Coleslaw, Waldorf salad, bread, baked beans, meatballs and phenomenal desserts!

The view across the valley...

This is carved out of one moose antler -- I believe Chad bought it at Sturgis when he went...

Desserts to die for...

Congregating before everyone arrived. My Dad sipping his coffee, my brothers - David and Geoff, my Mom and Kathy in the background and Kathy's Mom setting up the desserts...

A Day to Remember a Life

2009-01-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

Saturday, Januray 24th, 2009 will be etched in my memory just as all previous memories of the Lusk family have...

I opened the van's sliding door and gathered Ben together as I grimaced against the cold wind pelting the side of my face. Hat secured under his chin - check, jacket zipped - check, legs covered - check. He and I braved the elements as we made our way to the front entrance of La Grand High School. I entered and stomped my feet on the large door mat just inside as the euphoric smell of 'highschool hallway' took over my senses. Directly in front of me was Kathy Lusk - strikingly beautiful, dabbing at her tear-streaked face with a handkerchief and welcoming everyone individually into the auditorium. Next to her was a podium where we signed the guest book and picked up the service program - it read "Chad Dalton Lusk" with a timeless picture of him in the mountains with his dog. I quickly walked over to Kathy, kissed her cheek and embraced her. Just her voice was an oh-so-familiar and welcome sound... I knew this would be a moment I would remember for the rest of my life.

Matt met me half-way down the aisle as I searched for a seat... we exchanged kisses on the cheek and I introduced him to Ben. Amy was not far behind him and in a voice that still holds so much warmth and visceral memories for me she spoke and embraced me. We talked for a little while and I found my seat. For the next several minutes I watched as the family spoke to old friends and those they have built community with there in La Grand. It was all so surreal and full of emotion... yet numbing at the same time. There were no large pictures at the front of the auditorium, no classical music playing as people filtered in, there were no black veils and very few somber moods but instead praise and worship songs played quietly over the speaker system, Matt and Amy laughed with and embraced dear friends, most everyone smiled and enjoyed those next to them as they informed each other of their 'connection to Chad'. If I hadn't known, it would be hard to distinguish this crowd from that of a wedding ceremony. We were all there to honor the Lord God Almighty and celebrate a life short of nothing. He knew Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour, he met life head on and gave so much of himself as he lived it, and in the end, when 'tragedy' was upon he and his family, he knew that all this was was 'another adventure' - he would soon be sitting at the feet of Jesus and conversing with Him. For Chad, there was no greater adventure than that. And with his family, we would spend the next 2 hours sharing in his life together and laughing until it hurt.

Blessings to you, Kathy, Amy, Clayton, Reed and Regan... Matt, Jennifer (and the kids!) It was a blessing spending an entire day with you and your extended family. Thank you for welcoming each of us into the place that you call home... to talk about and remember the man that made that home so much of what it is.

Chad's 'Man Room' pictured at the right.

Dear Diary

2009-01-22T13:07:00.000-08:00

Even when things aren't necessarily going on that I think are worthy of a mention, there's always something unworthy of a mention going on and if I'm using this blog as a place to 'jot my thot' then I need to give even the most menial a mention at times...

Here are a few of the small things:

1. Beer-Brined Grilled Pork Chops - best pork chops you'll ever eat. Discovered this brine a couple of weeks ago and I may have found the perfect recipe. We grilled it until the meat reached between 145 and 150 and then tented it for 5 minutes, or so. OH MY GOODNESS!

2. Tomorrow I'm traveling by myself with Benjamin to Eastern WA while Kyle has a weekend at home with the big kids. Chad Lusk's memorial service is on Saturday in La Grand, Oregon. Ben and I will be accompanying my Mom and Dad to the service and back over to the Lusk home for a BBQ and some time to visit. I expect it to be a memorable weekend as we remember Chad and give glory to the Lord for the moments we spent with him during his life.

3. Today at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), our Teaching Leader broke the ice with these police quotes that were caught on tape - it got a good laugh:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just
went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal
friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Sign here."

... but truly, it was the final one that had women laughing all the way through prayer. 150 women in the sanctuary and as Claire (our TL) is praying one woman would bust up and the chuckle would just roll through the crowd. She ended the prayer time laughing and shaking her head saying, 'that's harsh... really harsh...' - laughing still as she dismissed us.

4. The good news is that my Mastitis is almost gone and no longer painful... the bad news is that I have to go buy a load of new bras which wouldn't be much of a problem had my mother-in-law not introduced me to the bra authority - Nordstroms. $$$$

I think that's about it for right now.

I will go and hand wash the dishes in need of hand washing, change out the laundry, fold the laundry, take out the recycle and the trash, pack for the weekend away (should be easy with ONE kid), wash the counter tops and, if possible, sweep the floors.

Cheers.

Getting Back in The Saddle

2009-01-19T14:07:00.000-08:00

I went from Friday, feeling oh-so-normal and comfortable in my own skin, to Saturday afternoon, dealing with the druthers of aging, constantly cleaning, driving a minivan and penciling in when to make mad, passionate love to my husband -- oh, not to mention, its probably behind the locked doors of our Master Bedroom as opposed to some glamorous European Bed & Breakfast... it wasn't until Sunday that I realized my lethargy and lack of motivation was due to a very subtle bout of depression that had settled on me over the course of the past 24-48 hours.

Friday evening our friends from Bellingham came down with their two girls to spend the night. Shari and I had a wonderful evening out by ourselves talking and doing some shopping together while the guys put the kids to bed at home. We mentioned to each other the oddness of still feeling like the 15-year old babysitter at heart but realizing that those same kids you babysat have now grown, married and birthed a child of their own. We were old and we were beginning to feel those feelings that we've always rolled our eyes at in others.

We made it home with little to no energy left and interrogated our husbands on the going-ons of the evening we had so wonderfully missed. We all went to bed and slept soundly, at the mercy of our offspring.

The next morning I prepared the house for a brunch with the Archers, ourselves (the Scheis) and an old friend who had recently married. Kyle, the kids and I had not met his wife as of yet and we were anxious to have them over. Then the door bell rang.

As the kids excitedly opened the door I caught a glimpse of the couple before I about tripped over my own feet. Tall, model-like, without children, and full of newly wed joy. I dug my heart out of my stomach and warmly welcomed them into my home... 'crap, they're taking their shoes off - there's dried macaroni and yesterday's apple juice still on the floor - no time to sweep this morning'. I hug and invite them into our home. They seem so regal and well-rested; so on top of the world and perfectly matched with each other; so young and energetic... so toned. No loose skin, no wrinkles, no blood shot eyes from years of trying to keep them open when all they want to do is close... just beautiful and very hydrated, if I might say so myself.

My first bullet wound came when I asked if I could interest them in a cup of coffee or a Mimosa... 'oh, no thank you, just a glass of ice water please' as I've got one of each of the aforementioned partially drunk in either hand. My eyebrows raise, I swallow my sip of coffee quickly and nod. 'of course! My apologies. I forgot that we offer that here' ... as I turn and scowl, setting my Mimosa oh-so-patiently onto the counter.

She's about 5'11" if I had to guess, blond and tone. A WHITE smile with WHITE whites of her eyes. She's witty and on top of her game. She keeps up with the guys and makes everyone laugh. She's 24 years old. I realize that while we sit there I'm staring her down like a vulture... trying to find any fault I can but finding none. She's wonderful and eloquent; she's kind-hearted and easy to have around... 'isn't there anything wrong with this girl?' Kyle asks them how they met and they tell a story just short of You've Got Mail and then after further questioning begin to disclose with us the towns they visited whilst on a 17-day cruise throughout Europe just recently.

At this point, I have nothing left. I can feel my loose skin fold over the top of my favorite jeans and my frizzy "baby hair" wisp like a halo around my face; I'm not on top of my game today due to my breast infection and clogged milk ducts and I'd be tempted to lose this party were someone tempting me with a pair of sweats and a nap.

I know that there are more important things in life. I'm fully aware of that... and today has been a good day for jumping back on the horse and getting things accomplished.

I DO love who I am and where God has me and the ins and outs of my life -- yet I do believe this is the first ever true REALITY CHECK when it came to the wear and tear of life as I've known it.

"The older you get, the more you tell it like it used to be."
-- Author Unknown

Our morning at home...

2009-01-18T13:03:00.000-08:00

I got up with the kids at 7:15a! For those of you who know our family THAT is fantastic. Our kids go to bed around 7-7:15p every night and wake up about 6:30a every morning... that way Kyle and I have a predictable evening to ourselves and I don't mind the early morning start to our day. I'm a loon.

This morning was wonderful as the kids slept until 7:15 -- some of them even slept until 8! I woke first and let Kyle sleep... then Kyle woke and I went back to bed while Benjamin took his morning nap since I wasn't feeling so good. We decided to bag the 10:30am service that we usually go to at church and instead catch the 5pm service tonight... I just wanted to share some fun shots of our morning. I was playing with my speed light while Katie turned our living room into a bounce house and then took them upstairs for a nap when I noticed the sun coming through the window. Did you hear me? SUN! I had the kids pose while I played with the exposure.

Oh, but first, please enjoy William's 'homemade' umbrella. When he whipped this up I was inspired to get the camera -- I'm glad I did because these are some fun shots.

He figured out the camera.

2009-01-18T12:01:00.000-08:00

Just yesterday morning Ben figured out what it means to "smile" when Mom pulls out the camera... it was awesome to see it all come together for him.

Bound

2009-01-15T13:21:00.000-08:00

"... you'll want to pump a little once in awhile to relieve the discomfort and then keep them bound so that the milk supply is not able to replenish itself."

Just the advice made my eyes water. This advice came from the doctor I saw yesterday down in Mill Creek. I've been in the process of weaning Ben now from nursing for weeks longer than originally planned. He could care less but ONE of my two breasts will not have it! About a week ago, or so I imagine, an infection set in and has only been getting worse. I awoke yesterday morning to severe pain and an overall feeling of aches and chills. It was evident that Mastitis had set in and I only needed to go to the doctor to confirm what I believed was true and receive an antibiotic... I truly didn't know it was this painful.

If you've nursed before, you can imagine that engorgement feeling, couple it with a 'needle-like'/itchy sensation all over , top that with an Ace bandage wrapped until your melons reduce to the size of empty Capri Suns and try to fall asleep for the night. If you'd like, you can close your eyes and imagine the fantastic picture of my arms up in the air as if surrendering (please imagine one rotation of the Ace bandage already completed) and spinning whilst Kyle pulls at a 45 degree angle and pins the bandage in place. I now resemble the pear shape that I've always striven for. My hips continue to hold their "womanly" shape... my stomach has flattened back to its original "angle" although the texture fools no one that I've had my share of children... and then my chest. What chest? I have been bound and now have taken on the image of someone half way through their sex change operation. I look like a young boy. Sick. I walk off with a smug look on my face and put on a pair of Kyle's boxers (how appropeau, eh?) and slip into a long tank top. Walking back past the mirror I almost puke... poor Kyle, waiting there in bed for his prepubescent boy of a wife to slide in next to him.

I am on my 2nd day of being bound as I type this. I have had little to no luck of expressing anything and am now getting past the denial stage that I will forever be a B/C cup. The kids are beautiful, the husband's fantastic and over the top adoring of me... maybe the manly image I've somewhat come to adopt isn't so bad.

Cheers to raisins and Craisins and empty Capri Suns!

Grocery Game still proving itself true.

2009-01-14T08:02:00.000-08:00

Here are yesterday's results:

Walgreens:
Total Bill - $34.30
Total Savings - $66.90
Percentage Savings - 66.3% savings

Albertsons:
Total Bill - $81.00
Total Savings - $67.35
Percentage Savings - 46% savings
(AND received $30 towards my next visit - no minimum purchase)

Safeway:
Total Bill - $65.64
Total Savings - $55.56
Percentage Savings - 46% savings

Question: Who am I? Please explain.

2009-01-12T13:56:00.000-08:00

Answer: Somebody with a long track record of being a little OCD and a lot Type A. I'm an ISFJ married to an ENTP. I'm a "feeler" but mercy is NOT my gift - maybe I'm more of a "selfish feeler"... hm. Anyways, I thought the best answer to that question might most accurately be answered by dissecting my 'to do' list and my 'want to do' list:

I need to buy sandwich bags, lightbulbs, milk and salt next time I go to the store.
I need to fold my two loads of laundry upstairs.
I need to put away my two loads of unfolded laundry.
I need to decide on what to have for dinner tonight.
I need to decide where to hang the two canvases I bought on SALE at Urban Outfitters.
I need to pick up my daughter Katie in one hour at school.
I need to buy a new Blood-Glucose meter.
I need to send a week's results of my BG readings to my OB/GYN.
I want to buy a console table/sofa table.
I need to organize my mail IN/OUT area of my home.
I need to create a mail IN/OUT area in my home.
I need to build my photography website.
I need to connect with another, more experienced, photographer to go on a shoot with.
I want to call Jesseca and see how she is!
I want to connect with Michelle D.!
I want to buy a couple nice table lamps for the living room.
I want to buy a house in a year. Ideally, 4-5 rooms, 2.5 bath, a bonus room, a den and a yard.
I want to want to have more sex. *You are a very patient husband, Kyle.
I need to put away my Christmas garland that's still hanging on the banister.
I need to reorganize my garage totes so that all the kids' clothes are in their proper storage places.
I want to buy more Queen-size sheet sets.
I want to put Ben in the kids' room for nap time and bedtime.
I need to burn and send the CD of Christmas photos to Lesley.
I need to file away all my coupons and cut coupons from this week's paper.
I need to schedule with a friend a weekend away at Cama Beach State Park.
I need to schedule a weekend away with Kyle at The Cave B Inn in George, WA.
I need to schedule a weekend away with the O'Sheas.
I need to read the material that arrived in Katie's school bag on Friday.
I need to get organized enough to re-enlist my children for preschool this Fall.

... and I'm sure there's more. Let me know if you have any thoughts or can help me in any way.

What once was luxurious.

2009-01-12T13:21:00.000-08:00

What once was luxurious is now the embodiment of efficiency. Everything has a purpose - dining out with the kids, although more costly than staying home, is becoming the means by which Kyle and I teach our children etiquette; sex, although a luxurious act in and of itself, is rearing its head in the craziest times and places just for the mere sanity it brings to our marriage - we'll take 10 minutes when we can get it; talking has lost its luster as I'm not much of a "chatter" by nature but everything that comes out of my mouth costs me energy and since my children demand quite a lot whether it be in the car... while I'm on the potty... while I'm trying to write an email... while we're just 'being'... I try to make each word purposeful; a glass of wine is to unwind - 3.99/bottle does the job; a sit-down meal means cutting my food into bite-size pieces so that I may dine one handed as I pass the table in the course of holding a baby, refilling juice cups, and wiping hands...

I love my life and I love where God has me, don't get me wrong... but I've realized that every minute of my day whether it be relaxation or on-the-go is intentional. Yes, even the 'unintentional time' is intentional... jumping in the snow, taking a wagon ride, making a fort, watching Ratatouille again and wearing my pajamas until after Noon.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

2009-01-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

WARNING: This post is not for the faint of heart. Its disturbing and could cause intense visceral reactions which, in turn, may cause you to call the authorities on me.

This morning was wonderful until the moment Katie decided to tell everyone how tired she was. I didn't think that was such a problem, she just needed to go have a lay down! Problem solved.

Not problem solved. In fact, she was tired and everyone needed to do her bidding in order for her to get some shut eye the way she wanted it and where she wanted it. I stood in amazement, half-dressed and mascara wand in hand as she laid down in MY bed (so that she could hear me while I got ready) and asked her brother to not look at her, talk to her or make any noise for that matter so as not to wake her up. I, in my puzzled state, told her quite matter-of-factly that William can look at her, probably will look at her, and the likelihood of him being silent during our morning ritual of play-while-Mom-gets-ready is rather slim. "Honey, if you're tired, go lay down on your bed in your room where its nice and quiet."

She flipped. Truly flipped. The covers flew back and as she continued to discuss with me her qualms about being in her room she only got more angry - no one was doing it her way and she couldn't handle it. She began raising her voice in annoyance as I stood there quietly and listened to her problem, nodding my head slowly. "Katie, please lower your voice. Your baby brother is sleeping the next room over and I'll be very disappointed if you wake him up..." She let out an ear-piercing scream and through it I could just barely make out the exact same argument that she'd already made seconds prior. In her disobedience, she was due a discipline and so I took her hand and led her out of the room -- she broke free from my grasp and rushed down the hallway, past Ben's room, screaming bloody murder as I followed her calmly. "I DON'T... LIKE... DISCIPLIIIIIIIIINES! I'M JUST... SO... TIRRRRRRED!" I took a deep breath, picked her up, and took her into the guest bedroom as she kicked and squirmed in my arms. She received her discipline and we spoke... but the change of heart did not happen. At this point my anger was coming into play and so I removed myself from her presence and let her bring the house down on her own. Ben was now awake and crying from fear that the roof was caving in... William ran around like a chicken with its head cut off in bewilderment as to what was wrong with his sister and I breathed and prayed on my way back to my bathroom.

I got myself together, picked up Ben and got William dressed for the day. All the while Katie screamed incessantly - still angry that she wasn't able to sleep like she'd wanted to because "no one would let her" and "she was so tired". I ignored her. I knew nothing was getting through and she just needed to exert all her energy before she would be able to think straight. The boys and I went downstairs and as I was walking out into the kitchen, Ben in my arms and William running ahead, I heard Katie's footsteps racing down the carpeted stairs as insanely fast as she could -- she was so mad. Not only was she not able to sleep but now everyone was ignoring her maddening pleas to get her way! "I WANT TO SLEEP IN YOUR ROOOOOOOM! I WANT YOU TO KEEP GETTING READY SO I CAN SLEEP AND HEAR YOOOOOOOUUU!"... "MOOOOOOOM! LISTEN TO MEEEEE!" She ran up and with, what I could feel in the air, an ounce of hesitation...

She hit me. Hard.

I spun around so fast and got down on her level. In my most demanding and feared voice I warned her, "Don't... you... EVER... hit... me." Her eyes welled up with tears and she continued the tirade. I turned around, continued into the kitchen and let her do her thing. She knew what she had done was just short of a death-sentence and she was, for a moment, a little more thoughtful. Simple screaming sufficed. As I made my way back to the stairs moments later to go up and get dressed, she followed me. She ran up behind me and again hit me as hard as she could... in my complete and utter shock, I whipped around -

and I slapped her. Not hard, mind you, but I slapped my 4 year old! I don't remember my Mom's hand on my cheek until I had bad-mouthed her at the ripe and unintelligent age of 16 years!

Katie's shock was not short of my own. Nor was my behavior short of hers. Unbelievable. Like Mother, Like Daughter. I believe we had both tread upon grounds unable to be forgotten. Two women in one house for another 13.5 years (no, I'm not counting) - two women with tempers, none the less.

I spun around again and continued my climb up the stairs, shaking my head. As for now, I would need to control the intense urge to let loose my anger so as not to give her any justification for her own intense urges.

Katie's tirade continued until she came to the understanding that she needed to go into her room and call me when her heart had changed. At that moment, I came into her room as she tried to catch her breath. Eyes swollen, cheeks flushed and hair sweaty she sobbed her way through an apology. She apologized for everything before I had the opportunity to remind her of what she needed to apologize for!

I stood and listened and the minute I made a move towards the door to go and quickly tend to William downstairs she simply asked for a hug... oh bless her little heart! The repentance came pouring forth the moment my arms were around her. She was sooooo sad that she woke up Ben, she was soooo sad that she made the choice to hit me and she was soooo sad that she had been disrespectful by screaming at me. It was incredible to watch as she became aware of, and owned, her behavior. As she continued on, with tears in her eyes, she talked through things like 'Mom, I think you are right. Prayer does work to help me not be scared at night...' hmmm, interesting that she's chosen this moment to express these views, but ok! I'll take it whenever I can get it! 'Mom, I think that when I'm really angry and I pray God can hear me and He will help me change my heart. I think you're right when you tell me that...'

It was a wonderful moment. Just she and I discussing the things of God and engaging ourselves in topics that I've dreamed of talking with my children about.

So many years ahead... so many more mess-ups to come... and so thankful for a God who is bigger than myself to rely on for strength and endurance.

"Dear Katie, you are definitely my daughter. I will try my best to teach you the ways of God when it comes to our untamed anger issues - I know I have learned a lot in the last 10 years of being married to your gentle, patient and gracious Dad. God bless his soul! He must have nine lives. Pursue the Lord and don't think for a day that you can make it without Him - He will bring you patience and sanity, joy and peace. God bless you, child."

Chad Lusk

2009-01-09T13:58:00.001-08:00

Chad Lusk

2009-01-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

The night was weird. Unlike any night I believe I've ever had... dreams were extremely vivid and unfamiliar. They were each compilations of scenarios that shouldn't belong together and people that don't make sense being in the same room. I tossed and turned sweating like a pig and awoke to the startling sound of my cell phone on my nightstand...

Let me take you back about 12 hours. Sitting at the dinner table, surrounded by my Small Group members, my phone rang in my purse. I saw that it was NOT the babysitter but instead the caller ID read "Berges Home" with a symbolic image of a little white home. I ignored the phone call and went back to my dinner... not more than 10 minutes later, the phone rings. I retrieved the phone from my purse knowing that my Mom would be the only one calling me more than once and I immediately walked away from the table into the kitchen. There could only be one reason why she was calling and I didn't want to hear it no matter how real it was... I answered with a bounce in my voice hoping that just maybe she would respond with Lottery news.

Her countenance was solemn and her words were to the point. "Chad's organs are shutting down," with a catch in her throat. "Dad cleared his appointments for the day and is on his way down there now." My soul is downcast and my vision blurs but I want to cut to the chase and quick so that I can begin processing. "Mom, are they thinking the night and that's it?" "That's what the thought is..." We both cry for a moment in silence and I thank her for calling... we chat a moment longer and hang up. I knew the next 12 hours would be long for everyone involved.

I reach over to the nightstand and answer the phone. My Mom's barely audible voice mentions that "Chad went home"... "about 4am this morning". I take a deep breath, knowing there's nothing to say and thank my Mom for calling. I hang up the phone and roll onto my side... I peer out the the windows as the storm that had been beating at the house all night slowly subsides... and I cry. A good hard cry. Not for myself but for those that will experience for the next few hours a void that has never been experienced. Chad Lusk, like a said before, 'a depiction of handsome meets mountain man', is gone and the lack of his presence will affect everyone who ever knew him.

Kathy, Amy, and Matt... our prayers are with you. What an awesome man your husband, your Dad, was and will always be to those that got to experience him.

Cheese and Wine.

2009-01-06T13:34:00.000-08:00

So, I thought it appropriate to share this fun link that I found on my friend, Rebecca's, blog being that my "lady's night out" is tonight. Its fun to look through! What I'm most excited about is that it clearly doesn't matter which drink you choose, Gorgonzola goes great with it. Mmmmm... ANY kind of bleu cheese is fine by me - be it Gorgonzola or Stilton or...

Here's the link:
Cheese Cupid

Enjoy!