Untouchable Moments

When I say "Untouchable Moments", I really mean it. Have you ever had one of those moments where you wish there was some OTHER form of expression besides what is already available to you as a human being? Maybe it was in a moment of joy, maybe it was in a moment of anger, maybe sadness or depression -- I think the only time that I have been able to try and contemplate a 'moment' like what I'm trying to describe to you is when I've been worried that something has happened to Kyle - something fatal. The gut doesn't know what to do at those moments, does it? There's no sufficient expression of your reaction to the 'moment' at hand.


That happened today - a few times. One of the moments was joy, the other was exhaustion. Yes, both derived from my lovely, yet sometimes high maintenance, ham of a daughter. You know the term, "I just want to eat you up, you're so freakin' adorable!"? I believe that saying came from a moment not unlike the one I'm about to describe to you, but that saying still would not have been sufficient - nor appetizing. So, I blog.

Katie has (at the point of the story I will begin from) unpacked her diaper bag, unzipped her Emergency Kit and extracted everything from a thermometer to an alcohol swab. She has in this process thus far tried to stick the thermometer in her own armpit, clip her own fingernails (which I put a stop to rather abruptly) and medicate her own self by actually walking to the medicine cabinet WITH her medicine dropper and signing PLEASE and EAT. But her favorite item is, and has always been, the bulbous nose de-boogerer -- I don't know what the technical name is, but she loves it! With this in hand, she attempts to put on her own winter hat which lands itself a little too low on her forehead, and backwards none the less. I believe in an effort to keep me laughing she begins chasing the dogs throughout the house screaming and growling, landing on top of them whenever possible, pretending to be asleep on their pillow, stealing their chew toys and throwing them, and last of all, grabbing their tails only to have them dart off so fast that Katie is inevitably thrown face down on the floor in a heap of laughter after attempting to hold on even when the outcome looked bleak. The picture up and to the right was taken once all the drunkeness seemed to be slowing a little...


The other moment - exhaustion. Why does Katie need ME when she's got Geoffrey the Giraffe, Duckie, Avocado (the frog) and her "blankie"? At a moment like that I just stop and stare at her with this look of absolute BLANK on my face... there is no sufficient reaction to how I felt at the moment I snapped this picture of her on the couch after OUR too short of a nap...

I'm sure I will continue to have these kinds of moments - moments when I can't express the gratitude I have for the health and lively spirit of my daughter or the downright exhaustion of being tired, sick, 8 months pregnant, AND trying to parent a somewhat DRAMATIC little girl of 16 months.

Intentional Time

In the past week I've made a new discovery - one that should, and could, have been discovered much earlier had I chosen to try. Our family gets rollin' in the morning at approximately 6:30am - sometimes sooner for Katie, but she is left alone until, you guessed it, 6:30am. It has been awesome to watch her little body clock adjust - 6:31am she is awake and calling for us! (I also think the furnace in the house is a pre-cursor to her body deciding to wake-up because that comes on at 6:00am -- hmmmm, kind of like my parent's dog, Leo, smelling coffee brewing at 5:30pm - the same time at which he is routinely fed - which in turns sends him into nothing less than a spinning, salivating canine chomping at the bit for his meal... this whole Pavlov thing... I think I will reschedule the furnace. I've just discovered ANOTHER new discovery.)

Anyways, back to the original thought. A week ago our morning routine was getting Katie up and out of bed at the time she awakens, bringing her into our bed with the dream that she'll fall back asleep with us for a few more hours only to discover for the umpteenth time that she won't EVER do that unless she's comatose at which point I throw on my sweats and slippers, begrudgingly walk out into the kitchen with Katie in my arms, pop her milk in the microwave and go sit with her on the couch. My hand inevitably reaches for the remote to watch the morning news and there I sit with my brain in a daze and my cup of freshly brewed coffee glued to my lower lip - a lifeline.

See, at this time Katie has already decided that she's ready to get her day going and is not at all thrilled with Mom's inactivity and even less thrilled with the bloody television becoming the alternative to playing blocks, reading books, or simply conversing with each other in what could be an incredibly intellectual conversation! Therefore, she stands facing the couch with her sippie cup of milk staring at me and signing everything from EAT to BOOK; from trying to talk about Dad and the puppies in the backroom to whining and crying... all for the purpose of getting my attention. At that time I - pardon my french - half-ass my way through giving her attention all for the purpose of getting her to stop whining and violating every sense that I have... doesn't she understand that I'm NOT IN THE MOOD?!

No, she doesn't.

Katie needs our time. She needs to know that she is Mom and Dad's joy; that she is wanted; that she is intriguing and interesting; that she is ENOUGH. God convicted me of this just in the last week and I have experimented with spending my first awake moments of the day investing in my daughter. We wake up, I throw on my already-laid-out sweats and slippers, I walk into Katie's room and lift her out of her crib anticipating the next hour that we have together and talking about what worship music to play and whether to read books or play blocks. We get our milk and coffee and turn on the music. We each grab a big floor pillow and she grabs the tub of Mega Blocks -- we begin building something not unlike the new Seattle library in the middle of our living room. Katie dances and talks gibberish - luckily she regularly interjects a few animal sounds that are familiar to me so that I can understand where she's "going", and in turn, help to initiate further conversation. This becomes the highlight of my day -- and soon enough Kyle awakens to our craziness in the living room finding nothing less than me holding my belly in laughter while Katie climbs all over me with fearlessness or smiling while she learns how to say new animal sounds or...



Yes, even in the last 7 days I've discovered a new level of joy with my daughter and I could continue to list off all the moments for you but I won't. You'll have to experience those on your own - with your own family and friends.

Now it is 9:15pm and Kyle just got home. I must wrap this up because now is my time to be intentional with my husband - it works for marriage too.

Blue's Clues Slippers and a racquetball...

Party for Jacob Aaron

Jacob Aaron Smith, due to arrive on January 24th of this year, surprised his parents and arrived 11 weeks early on November 16th, 2005. Weighing in at 3lbs. 3oz. and measuring 16" long, he was a good-size and the doctors were pleased with his condition considering the incredibly early arrival. He is now 7lbs. 6oz (measured yesturday) and continuing to develop rapidly. The hope is to bring him home within the next 2-3 weeks and I can't imagine how anxious Aaron and Becky are to have this happen!

So, considering the events of the past few months, the baby shower for Jacob was rather forcibly moved from November 12th of 2005 to today, January 14th, 2006. It was a lovely time of encouraging Becky as she has transitioned so rapidly into a rather unusual Mom role, playing ORIGINAL baby shower games, sipping on incredible libations and devouring fine cuisine such as quiche and scones, coffee cake and fruit, deviled eggs and sausage... simply delicious. Held at Becky's sister's home in Carnation, also known as Beau Jardin, we found ourselves enveloped with relaxation and good company; gorgeous grounds and a 'hostess with the mostest'. It was a wonderful three hours - they simply flew by.



Aaron and Becky (left), you have done so much in Jacob's life already and he loves you and KNOWS you, I'm sure of it. Continue to be consistent and persistent in your love towards this little man and may God bless you. Thanks for letting me share in such a wonderful celebration of his life.

The "Lifers"

I am extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to reminisce on my college days with overwhelming bliss. No, it was not full of booze and boys or skipped classes and barely passing grades - it was the growth of kindred friendships and side-splitting laughter; of college-age marriages and raw conversations; of usually-clean practical jokes with usually well received repercussions; of promises to never lose touch and the committment to get together for weekend celebrations once the post-college years arrived.

This year's 4th of July weekend was spent in Dustin and Jenny Haferbecker's backyard in Portland, Oregon. Considering their 850 sq. ft. of living space withIN their home, Jenny suggested everyone bring a tent and we would turn the backyard into our own personal campground. Now realize for just a moment that this is a group of individuals coming from Richland, WA, Seattle, WA, Bellingham, WA, and Portland, OR, just to invest in the lives of those they care deeply about. No, there were no great plans for the weekend, but that's usually the case. We all arrive at the agreed location out of absolute faith that each others' company will be the highlight of our weekend - possibly the highlight of our year.

Let's see, there's Dusty and Jenny, Chad and Lindsay, Scott and Holly, Kyle and I (with Katie), Geoff and Amy (with Emily and Ethan), Tim and Leah, Darryl, Dave, Shawn and Holly, Steve and Cindy, Ben and Jessica - most with the intention of not missing out on a 'get together' - wherever and whenever it may be.


That weekend was full of memories such as roman candles wars, a pony keg of only the best microbrew in Portland (we don't do macrobrew except for Rolling Rock), plastic cups with your weekend-use nickname in permanent marker (labeled lovingly by Dusty and Kyle), baby monitors and late nights on the patio, Otto sausages, the chimnea, Tim Dillman humor and naps in the hammock hanging from the cherry tree.


In three weekends from now we will all meet out on the Olympic Peninsula for a weekend away - all the kids will be with their grandparents and the respective parents will be enjoying a couple evenings as non-preoccupied persons nurturing the friendships that have proven to be solid even after the babies were born; the newly-weds will spend their first evenings amongst the group with their "married" status - which means a whole lot of things; the single(s) will still be single, falling victim to harmless verbal abuse about their marital status which they will battle with untouchable wit; and as a community of close knit lives we will continue the practice of loving each other, luckily in close proximity, for three days.

These are the "Lifers" - we'll be committed to each other for the rest of our lives. We'll continue to expect genuine concern, high priority, unconditional love and transparency from each other without question. I hope you can relate.

Christmas in January

Kyle here. Throughout our marriage we have traded Christmas Holidays between our two families. It is the best way we can think of keeping our holiday from being too hectic. This last Christmas was spent with the Schei's while the Berges' family unveiled a new level of organization. Each of us drew the name of one person to buy gifts for. It helped gift buying remain manageable for everyone. Then we agreed to exchange gifts after we could get everyone in the same town. So here we are from Cleveland, Western Washington, & Central Washington to perform the last element of Christmas. After staring at untouched, skillfully wrapped gifts for two weeks, Krista & I will now get to reap the reward of giving perfectly choosen gifts to our recipients. Sounds prideful... maybe. But you don't know what we bought. We'll let you know how it turns out.

Pragmatics

Early on we taught Katie baby sign language. We started at about 5 months with signs like MORE, MILK, EAT, JUICE, BATH, etc. At 9 months of age she began to catch on. Her first sign was CEREAL. She signed it with the expectation that we would understand that she wanted a sandwich baggy of Cheerios... we did understand. As time went on and her vocabulary increased, we realized that MORE and EAT and BOOK (which meant she wanted us to read to her whatever book she approached us with) were no longer sweet, but a bit demanding and annoying. It was at that moment I decided that PLEASE needed to enter into her vocabulary. It took a while for her to understand that PLEASE needed to be replaced with the whining as opposed to being coupled with the whining... she has eventually begun to understand. So much so that she now uses PLEASE (palm flat on your chest, moving in a circle) as a universal sign for I WANT... sometimes followed by the appropriate sign, other times followed by diverting her eyes to some arbitrary spot on the wall in hopes that I would understand that she would like me to play 'flashlight on the wall' like we had been doing at dinner last night. Because I'm her Mom, I usually get it.

Now, where was I going with all of this? Pragmatics - social play. As you see in the picture above, both Katie (on left - 15 months) and Chloe (on right - 16 months) are positive that the doll is her's. Yet there is only one doll. I'm embarrassed to say that Chloe DID have the doll first and my lovely daughter stole it which began this great struggle.

Sharing - another abstract concept such as PLEASE. Any suggestions?

What? Oh yeah. That's Katie at it again. Kaeden Potts is a little perturbed, understandably. And what did I do?Laugh and take a picture.No better way to deal with things that need to be dealt with!

In need of your wit...

Due to either my 7-month pregnant state or my lack of wit, I am unable to come up with a worthy caption for this photo. I need your help. You know, something like: "Santa?!" or "It was all fun and games until..."

My life... as good as it gets

On any given Friday, Saturday or Sunday after Katie is in bed, you will most likely find me with either a good book in hand (currently "The Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis), typing away on this here blog, catching some mediocre show on the television or simply trying to pass the time researching new recipe ideas on the computer (whose ingredients are inevitably too expensive and are therefore substituted with some generic brand of some cheese that was the same color as what the recipe called for, altogether likely resulting in what we call a "casserole") while Kyle works hard running a restaurant in West Seattle for the evening - The Flying Lion Cafe.

He takes Wednesdays as his day off and we enjoy a relaxed morning around the house sipping coffee and laughing at Katie while keeping our ears peeled to what KING5 News is reporting on the television. We regularly take the afternoon running errands as a family, indulging in some McD's burger and fries, then retreating back to the house for a much needed family nap-time.

In addition to all this goodness, we know our neighbors. Not because we're trying to "one-up" the now average American who doesn't know their neighbors, but simply because that's what we know! That's what we were raised in! We've got Jim and Anita to our right, across from them is Ray and Inge, directly across from us is Rick and Melissa, next to them is Sherry and Ed, and to our left is Mike and Tony... all with quite unique lives of their own. When I say unique, I really mean it. Some with interesting social tendencies that we will never quite comprehend and others with very sick spouses and incredibly selfless lifestyles as they care for the one they're committed to. Jim hates our dogs and may kill them one of these days - Kyle and I have accepted the inevitable. We walk to our mailbox everyday and 50% of the time a neighbor is walking there too - yes, the old kind of mailboxes withOUT a key and unique from the other five boxes to the right and left of it. We chat and catch up on what's happening in our lives. By no means are we best friends, yet their telephone numbers are in my cell phone in case something quirky happens in the neighborhood! Remember those days? The cranky old guy who worshiped his kelly-green lawn, the lady who had 1/2 cup of sugar because there's no reason you should stop baking cookies and run to the store, and last of all, the friend who had the underground pool so that's where you spent your summer days? Do YOU know your neighbors? Let's get back to that life. So pleasant, so fulfilling. So NOT ignorant, so intentional.

Just another great reason to wipe one day a week off your "have to be productive" list - the people around you just might need a minute of your time.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy PARENT

There is hope for the sleepless parent!

In my proactive attempt to FULLY enjoy raising my daughter Katie I began reading just about everything I could get my hands on before she was born with regards to 'babies and sleeping'. It just so happened that the first thing I got my hands on was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth - and that was the only book I needed. If you are a parent and have not read this book, I strongly suggest it. He educates you in the first few chapters of how sleep works biologically then transitions you into a range of options as to how to get your baby/toddler to begin sleeping in a healthy manner which, in turn, allows you the sleep you once fully enjoyed as a non-parent!

Now, you may be wondering where on the spectrum of "coddling to neglecting" I fall as a parent... and I would say that I'm dangerously close to neglect. Before you get all hot and bothered, please understand that I have based this answer on a society that has bombarded me with the idea that babies actually know what they need more than the parents do. On the contrary, as I began molding Katie's sleep habits, I realized very quickly that she did NOT know what she needed and she did NOT know what was best for her! She didn't understand that a good sleep would rejuvenate her... she didn't understand that being alone is ok and mom knows everything is safe... she didn't understand that the process of putting your own self to sleep was a habit that needs to be learned as a child or it would be with you into adulthood... she didn't understand, so I had to enable her to be a healthy sleeper by making all those decisions for her.

Oh believe me. The moments still arise when Katie is crying and I have to run through the mental checklist:
Does she have a clean diaper? Yes.
Is she sick? No.
Is she in any danger? No.
Is she hungry? No.
Could she be dying of some unknown cause that I can't come up with right now? The likelihood is rather slim.
Can space heaters all of a sudden erupt in flames? Maybe. But her's is rather new.
Do outlets ever explode? Probably not.
Did she pull Geoffrey's eye off (her stuffed giraffe) and choke on it and now she needs me? If so, the sounds coming from her would probably be different than wailing at the top of her lungs.
Did she explode out of her diaper and is now rather unhappy? Very possible, but she will eventually fall asleep inspite of it and I would rather not interrupt the 'soothing herself to sleep' process now that I've come this far.
Is she pissed off that Mom is not with her to hold her and rock her? Yes.

By the looks of it, we're on the right path and she will eventually fall asleep again. Thanks to my wonderful rock-of-a-husband for being my sanity when I think someone has crawled through Katie's window and taken her even though our "guard" dogs don't seem to be bothered...

No, it's not always easy to instill these habits in your new baby, but it gets easier and easier as you notice the benefits. We now lay Katie down at 6:30pm after a bath and cup of milk and she falls right to sleep. We don't usually hear anything from her until 6:30-7:00am. I have an incredibly energetic, sleep-loving toddler that is confident and happy -- not to mention her Mother! My husband and I's space/time is predictable and our marriage continues to be "spontaneous"... I love our life!

Christmas Photo 2005

Kyle, Katie and I in December of 2005. Our baby boy "on the way" - we sent this photo out to all our family and friends with a summary of what we've been up to in the recent year. We'll see if I can keep up with the annual tradition of a "Christmas letter"... hope you all have had as wonderful of a year as we have.