Oh-so-not-awesome anymore...

On Wednesday nights we have a recurring group of couples and kids that meet together and enjoy some wonderful food, easy conversation and intentional prayer - this is known as a Small Group. Our Small Group meets at the oh-so-lovely casa de Kalous where you walk in and immediately feel welcome... you WANT to take your shoes off, mingle around the kitchen island, munch on something wonderful that Rachel (Martha) has cooked up oh-so-easily (aka "thrown together") and enjoy the luxurious feeling of the vaulted ceilings, granite counter tops and beautifully chosen colors across the great room walls that compliment each other oh-so-well... by the way, Rachel is a Graphics Design Artist. Her house is her empty canvas... (puke, I can't believe I just said that.)

This evening as I plopped down on the floor to change my 7 week old son's diaper I realized I should probably do an outfit change as well due to the ungodly amount of spit up and stains that adorned his current outfit. I clumsily gathered my limbs underneath me and cautiously stood up -- don't know what it is but I still find myself physically acting as though I'm 9 months pregnant, hence the "gathering my limbs underneath me..." part. I walked the 10 steps over to my 10 lb. "purse" and begin digging through it when I lifted my head to a quite disturbing smell. I discretely walked around after retrieving my son's outfit from the abyss and sniffed doorways... areas of the room... trying to track down the source of the scent. It still "lingered" and I couldn't figure it out. I finally rested on the conclusion that it couldn't be anything other than "wetness-turning-to-mildew" wafting from the laundry room just beyond where my purse was sitting. A little disturbed, I traipsed back to Benjamin lying on the floor and sat down in front of him. As I shifted him, so as to change him with the most ease, I mentioned something about "the smell" to Kristen - another woman in our group. As she walked over she smelled the same smell coming from the same part of the house.

Now was the moment, when I knew something was amiss amongst the beauty and I should really tell Rachel... but I wouldn't want her to think that I thought she'd be so careless as to leave a load of laundry in the dryer if it wasn't true! And I'd really rather her find out on her own - thinking that nobody else knew (because that's how I would feel) - if it WAS true! It was the mildew-y smell I was smelling... I was fairly certain. (By the way Rachel would kill me if I mentioned to her that her house breathed perfection to me because we've known each other long enough that our "secrets" have been shared for the most part and I should know better... but she really does have incredible taste and a phenomenal sense of organization and put-togethered-ness.) As I opened my mouth and mentioned it to her I smelled the smell again. She was surprisingly excited that I mentioned "the smell" as she quickly walked over to her couch and pulled from it one of the throw pillows. "I've been telling Jeremy that something smells 'off' here... " and she hands me the pillow to smell. "Its not these throw pillows as much, I don't think, as the couch itself. I think it smells weird! Tell me if its the couch!" I was relieved to find that it might not be the mildew in the laundry room but perhaps the couch -- completely out of her control!

Its NOT the couch... and I cautiously mention that it almost smells like that "wet too long" smell and she simply says "like mildew" and I say, as though its all coming together right at that moment for me, "yeah... like mildew..." She squints while she's thinking and mentions that she doesn't have anything in the washing machine... and then it hits me.

SMELL YOUR SON'S CLOTHES.

I did. And they wreaked of mildew.

The scent must have exploded out of my bag due to being under pressure for so long and lingered long enough that Kristen smelled it too when she walked close to my bag. The clothes aired out somewhat by the time I got back to Benjamin on the floor and then it was all mysterious.

In a single moment a secret of mine was revealed: I hate that I so often forget about the load of laundry in the washer and have to re-wash it... it is embarrassing and I would NEVER want anyone to think that it was a recurring problem of mine! So much so that I couldn't bring it up to Rachel even though she could probably care less if somebody "caught her in the act".

I was feeling oh-so-not-awesome anymore... but just to prove my confidence and lack of insecurity in myself and my ability to make a home I threw that filthy pair of pajamas to everyone in the room so they could smell and we could all have a good laugh...

Oh-so-not-awesome anymore...

What a perfect moment...

This morning Katie and William were instructed to stay within the confines of the Master Bath/Bedroom area in order that I may bathe for the first time this week. They do a great job given a little freedom even if its only 150 square feet of freedom.

Upon drying off, squeegeeing the shower door and popping Benjamin's binkie back in his mouth I was curiously drawn to the increasingly deafening music coming from beyond my bathroom door... as I opened it and peeked into the room Katie was wearing an elegant gown of Mom's lace-trimmed shirts and William was wearing his Spiderman pajamas... they were awkwardly dancing - mixing dance moves like "the twist" with a side gallop, none-the-less, a little head banging and gyrations of the hips and booty... they are TOTALLY enveloped in the blaring music and the song was "Higher Love" by Steve Winwood (see lyrics below). It was blaring and I started crying and laughing at the same time because the moment was so... AWESOME. I simply stood in my doorway because I couldn't pull myself from the scene! It was so good. William continued to run over to the radio and turn the volume up a little more... he did this about 4 times during the song because I'm sure the pureness of the '80s was capturing his every sense. He couldn't get enough! He danced like a madman around the room - arms up and down, gallops and some sort of break dancing... the song just "oozed" with energy and in that William figured which "moves" were most appropriate for the moment... as did little Miss Cindy Lauper... off-the-shoulder layered bright shirts.

Remember the joy of the '80s... coincidently, the lyrics are perfect for such a moment:

HIGHER LOVE
Steve Winwood

Think about it, there must be higher love
Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above
Without it, life is a wasted time
Look inside your heart, Ill look inside mine
Things look so bad everywhere
In this whole world, what is fair?
We walk blind and we try to see
Falling behind in what could be

Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Wheres that higher love I keep thinking of?

Worlds are turning and were just hanging on
Facing our fear and standing out there alone
A yearning, and its real to me
There must be someone whos feeling for me
Things look so bad everywhere
In this whole world, what is fair?
We walk blind and we try to see
Falling behind in what could be

Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Wheres that higher love I keep thinking of?

Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Bring be a higher love
I could rise above on a higher love

I will wait for it
Im not too late for it
Until then, Ill sing my song
To cheer the night along
Bring it...oh bring it...

I could light the night up with my soul on fire
I could make the sun shine from pure desire
Let me feel that love come over me
Let me feel how strong it could be

Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Wheres that higher love I keep thinking of?

Our Sunny Seattle Weekend

Going to the Woodland Park Zoo... Washing cars... getting my planter garden started... grilling just because it feels good to grill in the heat of the sunshine... and then grilling some more with good friends like Luke, Jesseca, Riley and Regan Emerson... learning to pee outside... but unfortunately only if you're a boy (Katie didn't take that so well)... swimming in the blow-up frog swimming pool and mowing the lawn with our new Reel Mower...

Becoming a little "man"

After dropping Katie off at pre-school on Monday I had a handful of errands to run. Please remember I have a newly potty trained 25 month old in the car - until then we had had no accidents since the second day of potty training (except nighttime wetness) so I knew my odds of him having a sudden "urge" that couldn't be held was quite low. Needless to say, I LOVE that I have a newly potty trained kid that I can take out in public only 1 week after beginning his training... please read my previous potty training blog if you are wondering what method I used.

*****

Walking into the Mill Creek US post office I knew was a risk seeing as I've never had to use their restroom but I wasn't overly concerned. I walked proudly in - large package in hand and a stack of letters that held family photos I wanted to share with relatives. William held my other hand and Ben was comfortably sleeping in the Baby Bjorn. William brought with him a bouncy ball to keep himself occupied while I stood staring off into space while every once in awhile shifting my gaze from Ben and kissing his sweet face to staring at William and ruffling his hair reminding him gently to tell me if he has to go potty to...

"Mommy. I have to go pot-tee." He said it so matter-of-factly and in such a calm manner that it didn't quite sink in. I stared at him for a moment before repeating what he said. By that time he was already preoccupied running his grimy fingers across the front of the stamp display case and looking down at his feet as he stepped one foot in front of the other... he looked up when he heard me and said "yes" while looking at me expectantly. I wanted to say "Well! What do you WANT ME TO DO?! There's no restroom at the post office! You know that!" but biting my tongue and taking a deep breathe I quickly glanced from one end of the office to the other - nothing. No little black silhouettes of man/women signage, no promising doors that looked like they might lead to "you know where" even though its not meant to be used by the public - nothing. I glanced at the individuals who were glancing at me -- I'm not stupid. I could tell that they were, with all due respect, preying on this poor mother of two small children to be their "pick me up" during the lunchtime hour away from their mundane job. I know they were anxious to see what my course of action would be -- I defied all odds and was able to stay calm. I politely excused myself from the line and made my way outside, across the parking lot and into the van.

Now I know that the entire post office is one large window and I could feel the sympathy stares while I got in the van of all those people with nothing better to do while they stood in line. I left thinking out loud to myself and half instilling confidence in William that we'll "go find a place to go potty" - to my credit I never promised a toilet. We hopped in the van and as I began unplugging Ben from the Bjorn and telling William to jump in his seat I saw it... my Starbucks coffee cup. It was half full with my coffee but my time here at the post office was worth more than $1.50. I opened the door... poured the coffee out and with a deep breath began to explain to my son what was about to happen. He was about to become a little "more of a man". I pulled down his pants while he asked "Mommy what are you doing?" with a curious look on his face. I put the cup up to his little peep and said, "okay honey, go pee." He did. He wanted to do it again. He loved it. Of course he did. I smiled at myself and chuckled as I put the top on. We proudly pulled William's pants up, opened the side van door and backed out of the van. I stepped onto the pavement and held out my hand for William - of which he politely refused because he wanted to get out himself. As I grabbed the coffee cup I paused... I knew the stares were heavier now. Maybe they were all standing at the window making bets on me! Maybe they've gotten to know each other so well by now - coats off, shirts untucked, ties loosened. This had become the highlight of their day! There were probably those that thought I would freak out and they would see flame ignite from the inside of the van... maybe someone thought I would pull out in such a frenzy that I'd hit the Bentley parked across from me... or better yet, the police car! Maybe someone thought I would cry in my front seat without any solution for my little boy and become a victim to the complexities of motherhood. But NO ONE could have placed their money on me giving up my jo for my little boy! No one could have seen that coming. I hadn't!

Again, I walked proudly in - large package sandwiched in between my upper arm and body while I held a stack of letters that held family photos I wanted to share with relatives. I had a pincher grasp on a warm cup o' jo from Starbucks. William held my other hand and Ben was comfortably sleeping in the Baby Bjorn. William brought with him a bouncy ball to keep himself occupied...

I confidently dropped the cup of coffee to the bottom of the trash can with a THUD as people looked on. I smiled and nodded as I stepped back into line.

Discipline is Love

The book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp has been revolutionary to me. Kyle and I's discipline of the kids has changed so dramatically -- not in our expectations of them but in our motivation. I've always told people that I want "children who are a joy to be around" which hasn't lost any luster for sure... but I'd rather that good behavior come from a heart that is ready to please his/her Maker before it's ready to please his/her Mom and Dad. I want them to be within the realm of blessing from the Lord and in their disobedience to their Heavenly Father they're missing out on that... it is my job, as they are so young, to keep them in the throws of God's blessing.

Today I caught myself hesitating before going upstairs to "spank" our 25 month old for grunting and burying his face in a pillow when I asked him to go put his pajamas on. He was being disobedient which required the appropriate correction. I have been questioned by family and friends in my husband and I's tactics as of late. The thought is that different behavior should require different discipline -- we agree wholeheartedly. The "behavior of disobedience" in our house requires strict and unwavering "disciplines on the bottom" (aka, spanks). Disobedience of the heart is sour in the Lord's eyes whether the behavior is not picking up your toys the first time asked or hitting someone when you know its wrong. Now the correction is a "discipline on the bottom" in our family whereas the consequence is a lengthier sentence.

For example, Katie was defiant in laying down and staying quiet in her bed this evening. She, in the least, received 5-10 "disciplines on her bottom" for the individual acts of disobedience. In that process, I (or Kyle) brought her into our room, swatted her on the bum with a spoon and then sympathized with her tears - it sucks to get disciplines but Mom and Dad are only acting in obedience to God as we are to discipline our children - then we revisit the "why" of the discipline, she has to apologize specifically for being "disobedient" and then Mom (or Dad) forgives. In short, the Gospel message. Its amazing to watch the softening of the heart in my children as we progress through these "steps".

After the first few disciplines, Katie decided she was still angry enough that she would continue the behavior of shouting and disturbing the household with her "unpleasantness". I calmly explained to her that she would receive "discipline on her bottom" this evening but she would also risk the chance of having girlfriends over this week for a "planting party" because she needed her sleep and the party would require missing nap time. If she wasn't going to get it now, she would need it then. She was broken-hearted, and justifiably so, yet still willing to be selfish in her behavior.

Isn't that how we are?

A girl chooses to disobey her parental authority at the age of 16 - she drinks and drives and pays the consequence of having a DUI on her record for years. A girl chooses to have a sexual relationship at a young age... the reprimand from the Lord is gracious and she walks away with scars that are only emotionally permanent. She confesses and repents of her sin (a sin is a sin is a sin, remember) and she moves on from there. Our mindset of putting our child in "time out" for one minor act and "spanking" for a more serious act doesn't seem to coincide with the hand of God, does it?

The act of disobedience of the heart deserves the same correction, repentance and forgiveness no matter what the behavior and we may be incredibly surprised by the outcome seeing as our behavior was "so much worse" or "not as bad" as the next guy... but God is to judge the heart. If I know my child is having a heart of disobedience than I treat it accordingly... God's Will for my child will span from there.

Benjamin Berges Schei - 4+ weeks

3 Day Potty Training with Lora Jensen (and William McCormick)

Today is Day #3 of Potty Training. During my "quiet time" this morning I prayed specifically that today would be the day that it "clicks" with William. It did. We have had NO accidents... we have pooped in the potty TWICE and I've even been interrupted during a tension-filled phone conversation I was having with a dear friend with William wimpering loudly "mommy I want to go potty!" (tension-filled because I was FOCUSING on William the whole time and repeating every so often "tell Mommy when you need to go potty" over the mouth piece of the phone) His big sister is SOOOO proud of him - probably because every time he goes SHE also gets M and M candies to eat... just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Things are going well. If anyone needs advice on potty training don't come to me just go buy the ebook by Lora Jensen and be encouraged that your little one will be done with diapers in 3 days from now!