Discipline is Love

The book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp has been revolutionary to me. Kyle and I's discipline of the kids has changed so dramatically -- not in our expectations of them but in our motivation. I've always told people that I want "children who are a joy to be around" which hasn't lost any luster for sure... but I'd rather that good behavior come from a heart that is ready to please his/her Maker before it's ready to please his/her Mom and Dad. I want them to be within the realm of blessing from the Lord and in their disobedience to their Heavenly Father they're missing out on that... it is my job, as they are so young, to keep them in the throws of God's blessing.

Today I caught myself hesitating before going upstairs to "spank" our 25 month old for grunting and burying his face in a pillow when I asked him to go put his pajamas on. He was being disobedient which required the appropriate correction. I have been questioned by family and friends in my husband and I's tactics as of late. The thought is that different behavior should require different discipline -- we agree wholeheartedly. The "behavior of disobedience" in our house requires strict and unwavering "disciplines on the bottom" (aka, spanks). Disobedience of the heart is sour in the Lord's eyes whether the behavior is not picking up your toys the first time asked or hitting someone when you know its wrong. Now the correction is a "discipline on the bottom" in our family whereas the consequence is a lengthier sentence.

For example, Katie was defiant in laying down and staying quiet in her bed this evening. She, in the least, received 5-10 "disciplines on her bottom" for the individual acts of disobedience. In that process, I (or Kyle) brought her into our room, swatted her on the bum with a spoon and then sympathized with her tears - it sucks to get disciplines but Mom and Dad are only acting in obedience to God as we are to discipline our children - then we revisit the "why" of the discipline, she has to apologize specifically for being "disobedient" and then Mom (or Dad) forgives. In short, the Gospel message. Its amazing to watch the softening of the heart in my children as we progress through these "steps".

After the first few disciplines, Katie decided she was still angry enough that she would continue the behavior of shouting and disturbing the household with her "unpleasantness". I calmly explained to her that she would receive "discipline on her bottom" this evening but she would also risk the chance of having girlfriends over this week for a "planting party" because she needed her sleep and the party would require missing nap time. If she wasn't going to get it now, she would need it then. She was broken-hearted, and justifiably so, yet still willing to be selfish in her behavior.

Isn't that how we are?

A girl chooses to disobey her parental authority at the age of 16 - she drinks and drives and pays the consequence of having a DUI on her record for years. A girl chooses to have a sexual relationship at a young age... the reprimand from the Lord is gracious and she walks away with scars that are only emotionally permanent. She confesses and repents of her sin (a sin is a sin is a sin, remember) and she moves on from there. Our mindset of putting our child in "time out" for one minor act and "spanking" for a more serious act doesn't seem to coincide with the hand of God, does it?

The act of disobedience of the heart deserves the same correction, repentance and forgiveness no matter what the behavior and we may be incredibly surprised by the outcome seeing as our behavior was "so much worse" or "not as bad" as the next guy... but God is to judge the heart. If I know my child is having a heart of disobedience than I treat it accordingly... God's Will for my child will span from there.