Recently, I have found myself progressively more challenged, almost burdened, with the concept of "church". The large Sunday morning gatherings are becoming less and less impressive to me if they are not, first and foremost, accompanied with the truth that "church" should just as easily be happening at your home and in your neighborhood around you as it is from 10:00 - 11:00AM Sunday mornings. It could be argued that most churches talk to this concept of church done at home - yet, and I ask you to be honest with yourself, is the congregation really doing it? I've witnessed a serious categorizing of home life and church life even amongst some of my closest friends. The 'awe of God' is gone and we have, in our personal lives, morphed Him into a predictable, limitable, and flexible God - which He is not. I swing from one end of the pendulum - enabling these behaviors - to the other end - desiring to hatefully, and without remorse, 'skin' these Christians of all their false fronts only to leave them beaten and bloody and full of disdain towards me. In the midst of finding the appropriate tension between these two spectrums, I wrestle with the uneasiness of not knowing what I feel God is calling us to. When I say 'us', I mean Christians as a whole as well as Kyle and I personally.
In my struggle with the categorizing between daily life and spirituality, I have been confronted with a continuum of events that has only furthermore given me clarity in living the Christian life and this idea of 'church'. Within the past few days Kyle has turned down an opportunity to be on the pastoral staff of a large and steadily growing church in the area while at the same time we have struggled with an aversion to a proposal that has been presented at our current church. Both of these options, were I to go into more detail, look so 'promising' to the person who is sitting back assuming that God is NOT moving and is about to reveal His provision. And to that perspective, I'd like to call 'bullshit'. To clarify, this perspective is almost as natural to us as breathing. We do not find ourselves, even Christians, swerving to miss the miracles happening all around us, thinking of communicating with a Higher Power to make even the largest of life's decisions, or even questioning the purpose of our presence on this earth. No, instead, we see what's in front of us... the alarm clock to arouse us, the kids, the house, the boss - and quite often, what we have to look at in our lives is 'not enough'. Therefore, we are in a constant state of WANT and that WANT begins to taint our perspective of what God's provision is. Or on the contrary, when we begin to attain time, wealth, health, etc., we consider that God's 'provision' for us - and I would have to say that, although it sounds as though I'm "splitting hairs", I would rather think of these things as God's blessings, above and beyond his provision.
God's PROVISION has already been established in his Son. Our ability to commune with the Living God whenever we want and the ability to choose Him as the Savior (He is the only reason we have hope in life) and Lord (He is the only thing that is Truth in this life and should be revered as such) of our life IS the provision of our Heavenly Father. As for daily provision... as for worldly provision... as for finite happenstances that we need God's help with, yes, He is there. And yes, He cares. Kyle and I have seen a continuous flow of money come in from one thing or another allowing us the opportunity to pay our bills, feed our family, get our car serviced, etc. For the ability to make ends meet, we give God glory - yet were we not able to pay for our bills; were we not able to get the car serviced and therefore found ourselves on the side of I-5 with a toddler in the backseat; were we not able to make up for financial mistakes that we've made in the past - I would not dare shake my fist at the God of the Universe and claim that His provision is lacking. Yes, I would cry. Yes, I would wrestle with living in this world and living amongst all the expectations this world delivers to my doorstep every morning of every day. Yes, I would question. But would I claim that God is not providing for me? No. Would I claim that He is not moving? No.
This God that I speak of is present and actively working amongst His creation. He is offering to partner with us. Yet due to our inability to clear our conscience for a second, a minute, a day - we miss it and are quick to find fulfillment elsewhere. I bet that if we stopped and began a journey of seeking the Living God, we could live in a smaller house and be around more often... we could drive the '85 Toyota that we just sent to the wrecking yard instead of exchanging it for a $375.00 car payment... we could rent a house without the daily concern that we're not being 'wise' with our finances... we could leave the house dirty and go to the park with the kids... and God forbid, we could give up the 2-3 weekly bible studies that we're a part of at our local church and instead have our neighbors over for dinner - he cusses like a sailor, she smokes like a chimney and they're not married, by the way.
Am I making ANY sense? Am I getting through on any level? As I struggle with the idea of being a part of an established church with it's own doctrinal statement and membership hoops to jump through, I also struggle with the lack of accountability that comes with not having ANY hoops. You've got the church-goers smoking in the hallways and drinking at the Small Groups in some kind of rebellion against the traditional North American church. This is just as detrimental. And therefore, I war with the concept of church and am trying, in humility, to seek the most beneficial way of glorifying God in community, commitment and accountability to one another.
A couple of months ago, Doxa (our home church), decided to kick the prayer movement of the church into high-gear. Most churches have a 'prayer ministry', this is true. But we decided to go from a ministry that you COULD get involved in, if you so desired, to a calling that everyone SHOULD be involved in. Five pieces of paper were handed to each person. You were to write your name on each piece of paper then move from your comfy pew and begin praying for God to reveal to you who was supposed to pray for you during the coming week. You approached each of these people individually and asked, "(Name), will you pray for me this week?" Uncomfortable? Yes. Humbling? Yes. Enriching? Yes.
A place for the 'non-christian'? Absolutely not.
I have decided in my own heart that the cultural idea of 'church' - Saturday/Sunday services involving worship from the stage and words from the pulpit - is NOT for the non-believer. I have yet to attack the entire Word of God with regards to this idea, but have begun seriously seeking some foundation for what my spirit is telling me. In reading through Acts, I have become more and more aware of the personal ministry being done in neighborhoods and on street corners as opposed to the temple. The temple is where the 'believers' gathered -- it is where the 'non-believers' came AFTER they became believers on the streets of the city! The street is where the ministry was happening! My heart longs for, and the bible continues to affirm my desires, that church should be where we can gather in aweful worship to the Living God, seek genuine prayer, talk openly about pornography addiction, abortion, and alcoholism and other diseases without the weight of whether or not we've offended someone. My desire is to reach a place of authentic communication amongst the believers so that we can be a network of support as we reach the community around us. THIS is what I want for 'church' and I'm beginning to believe that God is calling Kyle and I to something not unlike what my heart is screaming for.
I cannot sit back and assume a restful position as of yet, these are simply thoughts that knock around in my head day-in and day-out and fine-tuning is needed - likely up to the moment I see God's glory for myself. Please know that my heart simply dreams of something different then what I'm seeing at the neighborhood churches around me... I long for Katie to know and understand the stories of God through interaction with the kid down the street as opposed to the felt-board stories of Sunday school... I dream that the prayer I pray over her every night - that God would continue to reveal His love, His grace, and His spirit to my daughter - would become such a tangible experience for her amongst this anti-supernatural culture she lives in that she will be SHOCKED that not everyone sees it...
Oh... am I naive? You wonder why I can't just be pleased that non-christians are walking through the doors of a church and are about to interact with people who will love and accept them. You wonder why it can't be that you should be praised for inviting your neighbor to church - "what guts that takes!", you say. But I beg you to see it differently. See your home as the place for ministry - don't use the church building as a scapegoat to not be seeking the Living God on a daily basis and instead leave it up to the pulpit and whoever's behind it on Sunday... see yourself as the teacher, the pastor, the priest and recognize your personal priesthood when it comes to sharing God's grace, love, forgiveness, and acceptance. And one thing more, walking through the doors of a church is no 'accident'. There's no reason to dumb-it-down for the non-christians! Pray out loud, let church go longer than an hour and read the Word verbatim if need be! The newcomers will not be shocked... in fact, they will most likely be relieved - seeing as the last 3 churches they've visited began with a puppet-show and ended with a secular song but provided no Truth. They've needed to know who to talk to about the affair, who to run to instead of the addiction, who to lean on for accountability and who to talk to about the consequences of a decision they are about to make...
Let God move.
No comments:
Post a Comment