...with wailing and ear piercing screams - shrieky enough to make your hair stand on end, solidify, and fall out.Our lovely, angelic daughter, Katie, has found herself a good rhythm as of late. She's gloriously pleasant and almost eerily nice to her brothers and myself until the moment we walk out of her room at night. She pulls out the "I'm scared" card and blows the evening o' solitude to hell. It goes a little something like this:
1. "Goodnight guys!"
2. Katie whimpers sheepishly, "I'm scared..."
3. We calmly smile and say "goodnight bug, there's nothing to be afraid of..."
4. We leave and she lets out the most horrific scream - waking up the neighborhood.
5. We take her down off of her bunkbed and she is walked into another room.
6. She gets disciplined for screaming and keeping her brothers awake - she owns it and apologizes.
7. We forgive her and reiterate why we have to discipline her - because we love her.
8. We place her back in her bed.
9. The ENTIRE process is repeated.
William goes to sleep in Mom and Dad's bed for the first while because the poor kid can't sleep through the battle. I don't blame him.
Oh! We have a bedtime routine. Oh! We have the bathroom light on across the hall. Oh! We have sympathy for the fear that little kids go through when they're young. We've walked through the prayer time and the trusting God... trusting Mom and Dad... she even wakes up in the mornings singing God's praises because she didn't have the scary dream she was afraid she'd have! This is not me, in any way, minimizing the fear that she may be going through. This is simply me reiterating to her that in the midst of her fear she can't become unruly and disobedient but instead she needs to trust Mom and Dad when they show her an effective way of dealing with her fear. Talking... praying... trusting... being FREAKING rational...
My mother-in-law had a wonderful idea of playing music before bedtime for the kids as they drift off into slumber... I took her up on it thinking that was a novel idea! I chose a classical CD... maybe Katie would begin thinking about princesses dancing across a ballroom while William envisioned knights dancing with swords as they, in slow motion, battled to the death...
But no. Of course not. The music "scared" her. And don't empathize with her while you sit there envisioning intense murder scenes with classical music playing in the background - she hasn't seen such things... and if you're thinking, 'oh, on the contrary' than know that your intense reaction to her BSing is about the same as mine! Its ridiculous.
We put her to bed at 8pm tonight and she is still screaming upstairs. Some of you may think... 'its not working! Try another approach!' But I can guarantee you one thing, the consistently being inconsistent approach is what kills you in the end. I will take a week of horrible nights if it means I am teaching my children the art of self-control and proper behavior. She knows what is expected of her and she knows the repercussions if she doesn't meet those expectations... this approach has brought Katie and William to a place where they are actually making the comments, "Mom, I've changed my heart and it feels good" or "Mom, I'm so sorry for disappointing you today. I've changed my heart and I can tell that I'm learning to be nicer" or "Mom, will you teach me how to pray so I can change my heart easier" ... all the experience thus far has given Kyle and I the strength and endurance to keep our "way of doing things" consistent even when the short-term looks so daunting and insurmountable.
HAPPY FREAKIN' NEW YEAR! Pray for me...
8 comments:
You are doing great!!!! Persist...it will pay off...but you know that.
Oh Thank goodness we are not the only ones!! I am so irritated with one of our little angels because I have come to DREAD bedtime. We jump through numerous crazy hoops to no avail - but only every couple nights. He usually throws us a bone when I am about at the end of my very short rope.
Ahh the bedtime battles....
No wonder Will still needs a nap!
You're completely on target with knowing that changing your tactics at this point will not only set you back, but will also teach Katie she can break you. Maybe she can make a New Year's resolution to not melt down at bed time...if only it were that easy! Good luck, dear friend, good luck!!
My prayers are with you. And I'll say one for Will too!
Things never change! Your post reminded me of the bedtimes from when our kids (ages 27 and 24 now) were little. We played lullabies for Betsy but Ricky wanted something about dinosaurs. Betsy insisted on starting out in our bed because she couldn't sleep in her own. (Turns out she had an allergy to dust mites which live in large quantities in ones bed!) Hold firm! It will all work out and they will indeed go to college and be able to put themselves to bed.
bedtimes can be very rough but do you really think that this will work? It may eventually get your child to go to sleep but would you rather she goes to sleep afraid or go to sleep feeling loved? God has nothing to do with your children sleeping or not. He would want you to be compassionate. To make them feel loved and honored. I have two young children, I understand this can be a difficult time of day but rarely do my kids put up much of an argument before dozing. I think if you pray you will find a method or routine that you can both feel good about. Being a parent is not about "breaking" your child into a mold that is easy for you. They are people. You can teach them to fear you or respect you. You can't always be a friend but you can offer love. God is love not fear...and why would you grow up to love someone you fear? How would that help them grow in their relationship with God?
It sounds like you and I are on somewhat opposite ends of discipline and how we are rearing our children Burke -- I'm sorry that you feel we are instilling "fear" into our children instead of showing compassion because, in fact, that is not what we intend to do. We feel extremely good about our approach and please know that if you ever want to discuss some things I'd be excited to hear them. I'm always up for discussing strategies! Our strategy is based on the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and it is so biblically based that even I have learned quite a bit about the sin, confession and restoration aspects of OUR relationship with our Heavenly Father. Its been quite a wonderful read. I can guarantee you that our children feel a sense of safety and compassion around our home but also a sense of respect as to the authority breakdown -- something that teaches a small child much about the respect we are to have of our Heavenly Father in all decisions. The sense of authority and discipline is something I see severely lacking in our younger families today and I think our approach to rearing our children may very well ruffle peoples' feathers.
As a school teacher, I can tell you that far too many parents these days are allowing their kids to take control at home. As a result, they feel they can do the same at school. So, I applaud you for your efforts. I know they can't be easy. However, you're doing the right thing!
Although we have differences in culture, but do not want is that this view is the same and I like that!
Post a Comment