We arrived just as I was thinking to myself, "maybe I shouldn't do this"... but I spent only moments thinking that way when I was suddenly embraced by the warm sunshine. I had by this time opened the van door and dropped one leg out as the sun and all its warmth spilled in.It was beautiful. But it was 11:30am and I knew that the kids needed food and they then would need sleep. I was riding on high hopes that the activity of the park would keep them alert and pleasant enough that we just might stay for longer than 45 minutes. We did -- but not alert and not pleasant. I know better than this.
It began with a semi-sleepy William climbing out of the van not sure of which way was up. But he was still awake! There was hope! Katie was beginning to smile less and drift into a starry state where she observes with little desire to interact. As you can see, I was fully aware of the children but still I continued to unlock the stroller, release the kids from their car seats and gather miscellaneous items. Benjamin had already started fussing a little and I was getting all the more nervous.
Rabbit trail:
See, for those Moms out there that have been more than encouraging with regards to my parenting skills and my "ability to cope" it all has to do with timing. I WILL NOT take my kids to the mall, or anywhere for that matter, if its past 12Noon until after they have napped. That's ridiculous. I would be in a constant state of chaos if I didn't run my life by my children's nap schedules. My expectations of them and their behavior are exceptionally high when they're NOT TIRED. The minute we hit the tired state I expect very little of them because it is MY job to get them home and in bed.
Done with the rabbit trail, thank you for listening.
So there we were, making our way into the swarms of Moms, Dads and kids. I told the kids that our first priority was to eat and then they would be allowed to play. They did. And they did it without argument. A simple "ok Mom" is what I expect them to say, and they did! We were doing good so far. A half-sandwich and a couple Oreos later, the kids began exclaiming what they'd like to do. By this time Ben was lathered in sunscreen and staring at his glistening feet as he sat in his infant car seat being pelted by the sunshine... he loved it. Things were definitely looking up.
We met up with some friends... talked a little... hung out under the sun-shade... rode the merry-go-round... and as it approached 12:30pm I noticed signs of melt-down. I rode the wave a little while longer until I was paddling a little too hard to keep up. My expectations of how a day should go with my kids are quite high -- a swift "discipline on the bottom" follows ANY disobedience and a pleasant, polite, and respectful attitude should be had towards all. Understand this behavior doesn't naturally 'ooze' from a child but is completely within the realm of possibility and I believe should be of greater focus for more parents!
I began calling William over and over again before he looked at me and responded... I don't do well when there's a lack of attention to me and my demands. Katie was beginning to get a little emotional with a side of psychotic (dancing around and squeezing Harper's or Benjamin's cheeks
whilst crying about being thirsty). All said I began to gather the chicks quickly. But once the fire starts its amazing how quickly it spreads... Ben began crying, William stopped listening, Katie's feelings got hurt by someone and she couldn't think straight enough to not melt down in a heap, they needed hugs and kisses from EVERYONE before they left, Ben was hungry and wet and tired, the dumb stroller was not efficiently packed with enough room to house all my children so some walked, some were carried and some (William) decided that he had had enough and sat strategically down in the middle of the path back to the parking lot screaming and pouting. Katie, recognizing that I was part way to psychosis, stared at me in bewilderment and fear as I walked away from my screaming son towards the car. I tried to reassure her with a smile that I would NEVER leave him although I had to meditate on that thought in order to remember not to leave him. I was running for cover mentally. Bombs were dropping all around me and all I could see was the bunker in the distance - my '01 Honda Odyssey. Once in the car with kids strapped in I was practically home-free. Wild animals were caged and I could think straight.
THIS is how I'm able to get through a day with three kids. I adjust my clock to theirs' and adjust their clocks to mine. They are up at 6:30am and I adjust to that... but they are in bed no later than 7:30pm and that is necessary 99% of the time and I've adjusted their clocks accordingly. Nap time is at 12:30 or 1:00pm and I adjust my clock... no shopping, no visiting (unless its at my house), no school, etc. because I know my children would not live up to my expectations of behavior if I didn't allow them that downtime at that particular time of the day.
Rabbit trail:
I'm nervous because now I have a third and he's only 12 weeks old but already becoming regular in his nap schedule. Either one nap between 8:30a and 11:30a or two naps during that time... one nap at the same time that Katie and William take theirs' at 1:00pm and than another one before bedtime! How am I supposed to keep up with all the activities that my 2 and 3 year old want to do when I have a child who takes 2-3 naps a day?! Answer: 1) cope with a child who is not able to live up to my expectations of behavior and allow my 2 and 3 year old the activities available to them or 2) accept the fact that I cannot allow your 2 and 3 year old to be involved in activities that impede on the younger one's nap times. Both can be argued for! But I need to keep my expectations realistic. I sure hope I choose the latter because I think there will be far less consequences in the future to deal with and a greater understanding of selflessness in my children. Does that make sense?
Done with the rabbit trail, thank you for listening.
We got in the car. William and Benjamin fell asleep. Katie was almost comatose. William transferred willingly and without a hitch as did Katie. Benjamin was fed and laid down and he is still asleep at 2:45pm. The older kids just woke up and now I am going to go out and lounge on the couch with them to watch The Bee Movie. I've decided I've done enough today and now its time to be lazy and lounge. Dinner will be in a few hours and then we'll get ready for bed... probably all of us.
Have high expectations of your kids at the right times.
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