Au naturel...

The yard is so much prettier with dandelions.

Type A... no B... no A...

Type A individuals can be described as impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure about their status, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation. They are often high achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about the smallest of delays. Because of these characteristics, Type A individuals are often described as "stress junkies. Type B individuals, in contrast, are described as patient, relaxed, and easy-going.

It has been told over and over again that I am very "Type A"... and since I have described myself that way for the last few years, I decided it would be wise to research Wikipedia in an effort to better understand some things about myself.

The above italicized paragraph was pulled from Wikipedia. What I found had everything from a definition of the "personality disorder" to the assessment and health complications. I would say that I fall closer to the Type A/B personality, which simply means there is not enough evidence in my behaviors to dub me as either -- meaning that I am 'managing quite well', if you will.

This morning was the first morning I had the privilege of watching a friends' children. I will be watching them twice a week come the beginning of June and I've been so excited. As we prepared to take Kyle and I's friend, Darryl, to the Everett Train Depot today, I gave myself a time at which I would shoot to be out the house by. Now this doesn't mean I look at the clock, see that is is NOW time to 'get out of the house by' and then proceed to have the children wrangled, shoes put on, coats grabbed and in the car... no, that means we are strapped in and in reverse at 9:10am. Darryl did a great job of making that happen as I was in the midst of a phone call at the time... but hours later, when lunch was eaten and school was about to start, I made sure we were wrangled, shoes on, coats grabbed, school bags in hand, strapped in and in reverse by 11:55am - which means kids are wrangled at 11:40am.

Yes, I have it down to a science.

And yes, I love it. It energizes my soul.

The Type B comes in when I receive a phone call at 9:00am (10 minutes before we needed to be in 'reverse'. I pause - Type A - thinking that I shouldn't be held up on the phone whilst trying to get out of the house in 10 minutes BUT I answer - Type B - because its a number I don't recognize and the fear of not knowing who it was would drive me BONKERS - Type A) and am asked if my 'offer still stands' for tomorrow. I excitedly answer that I "would love to have him tomorrow" because I truly would... I feel relaxed about having another 3 year old around tomorrow. Anything that needs to get done can get done with another child around. THAT seems Type B.

What I'm realizing is that my desire to have children around may stem from my Type A personality. Not that I'm Type A as a result of enjoying watching children... but that I enjoy watching others' children as a result of being Type A. It goes both ways because I do have a heart for children... but boy, it makes the world go 'round when I can organize them!

I will make a list so that I can check things off.

I will make a list for what errands I need to run and the 'route' I'll be taking to accomplish all my errands in one outing... (bank, post office, library, redbox, dry cleaning, preschool, home for naps) It speaks to my heart.

I've had 5 children today since 8 o'clock... we have played, taken our friend to the Everett Train Depot, played, cleaned 3 rooms (kids' room, living room, playroom), eaten lunch, taken 2 children to school and have 3 children at home and quiet.

I am Routine Queen to a fault. But oh, its at moments like this that I love my personality disorder.

"I just think things should work properly."

So, a couple friends of mine have not heard of the Kidco PeaPod travel beds which surprises me. Not because everyone's heard of them and they should be ashamed of themselves... but because I have heard of them, enjoyed the likes of them, and have come to find out that it makes more sense than a pak n play. The friends of whom I'm speaking are extremely savvy in the kids' products realm whereas I'm apparently content with being the Mom buying the last CLEARANCE item off the shelf before the "up and coming" items arrive. What's frustrating is that these two friends are women who appreciate the efficiency the "up and coming" items provide and I'm left with a few less features on mine (which I'm not willing to take back because I'd probably pay someone to just go pick up the new item for me while I try to Craigslist the old which probably wouldn't sell making it all the more a financially bad decision so I simply stick with what I have and try not to envy.)

If you haven't heard of the Kidco PeaPod and the Kidco PeaPod Plus (larger size - pictured above), then check them out. They are great for kids who are 1) little and don't know how to manipulate zippers yet 2) older and are deterred by the zipper 3) are old enough to stay in bed without a fuss (you can leave the zipper flap opened like a tent.)

Benjamin slept in the original PeaPod, William slept in the PeaPod Plus (with the flap open) and it was wonderful! They fold up into something the size of a large frisbee and are easily transportable.

I love them! If only I was pregnant again and in the midst of investigating the "up and coming" items... oh wait, I NEVER did that. But wished I had.

Efficiency is key. Right Kristen?!

Elizabeth

Elizabeth was a rollie pollie that came into our life a short 5 hours ago. She was round, lively, loved to sit on my shoulder as I walked around the house. It was quite adorable when Elizabeth would crawl up my arm - I would giggle and whisper sweet nothings to her like, 'oh you're so silly. Do you like my arm? Yeah? You can crawl on my arm. Are you having fun, Elizabeth?' William loved watching she and I interact and there were moments when I thought just maybe Elizabeth was part human.

It was during our errands this afternoon that Elizabeth's life came to a tragic end. It wouldn't have been so bad had it been quick but her little legs squirmed this way and that as she gasped for air after I drowned her with a water bottle cap full of water. I thought she was thirsty so I dropped a little into the holes my Mom made in the top of Elizabeth's jar. My Mom couldn't understand the sadness on my face until I told her the whole story of what happened - for a "special time" (that's what William and I call it when we get to do something we don't usually get to do) my Mom let me take the lid off the bug jar in the car and hold her to see if she could be revived. She slowed in my hand and eventually took her last breath... I asked permission to throw her out my window and immediately after exclaimed that I hope she'd be happy out there.

Moments later we were at home... Ben stayed in the car while William, my Mom and I searched quickly for another rollie pollie. We found one minutes before we left for school and gathered the perfect furnishings for her home. I took her to school today to share with all the kids for my Share Day...

Her name is Elizabeth 2.

Wading into the water...

I'm slowly wading into the water... I have no expectations at all as to the force that's about to hit me. It may be an insurmountable wave of 'something' that God will steady me through while I get my bearings and find myself in a turbulent and exciting sea of believers... or maybe I'll look up to find the most serene, quiet lake stretch out ahead of me as I slowly become equipped to do what He's calling me to do. Or to my dismay, this will always look somewhat like a river - ever-changing and never quite predictable. A place where I'll have to quickly shift my expectations and desires to whatever the next group of believers is 'needing' as they traverse through their own sanctification process on the way to eternity.

I say to my dismay because I don't really want to do this. If God's calling me to something, my dream is that it'd be predictable. I've done 'this' before - or at least the 'this' that my finite mind can conjure up. I've felt much like Jonah being called to Ninevah lately -- ok, in all honesty, I've felt it over the past 6 months. Kyle and I have felt, and spoken to the fact, that we are being clearly disobedient in our continuing to attend our most recent church. Our disobedience doesn't lie in being a part of something that God is not pleased with... our disobedience lies in the simple explanation that what God has called our family to is something different. And we haven't begun to explore the 'something different'.

Until this last Sunday morning.

I awoke as I do each morning (this one happened to be Sunday morning)... I watched as the minutes crept towards "7:00" and the kids were chatting in the next room over. I don't remember whether Kyle or I got up first, got the kids downstairs, started the coffee and began the 30-minute routine of getting our gears oiled for the day ahead. What I DO remember is thinking to myself (with the gracious help of the Holy Spirit), "are we going to keep doing what we're doing or are we going to be obedient?" Well, when you put it in those words, which are the exact words impressed upon my heart in the moment, the answer is rather clear.

OBEDIENT.

Kyle sipped his coffee and hung out with the kids while I reheated and re-proportioned the right amount of creamer to coffee in my mug... I drummed my fingers and stood at the island in the kitchen - I imagine looking somewhat disheveled with hair wisps creating a blond halo around my head - and watching my family... the minutes ticking by on the microwave. "get ready for church..." "get ready for church..." "get ready for CHURCH..." "GET READY FOR CHURCH..." "GET READY FOR CHURCH NOW!"

I popped. Not in anger or impatience - but in heart. My heart went from feeling caged up and needing to be stroked to a heart that was needing to face whatever God had for me... and it needed to finally happen.

"Kyle, I think we should stay home today." I said it. He looked at me as though God had just revealed to him that I was the woman he was about to marry. He was so pleased and I could see his 'visionary' side set at ease - or at ease as a visionary can set. "Katie has asked if we can invite all our neighbors over for lunch and my thought was that we should take time this morning to create, print out and let Katie color all the invitations for a neighborhood BBQ served out of our garage."

"That sounds great." For Kyle this is music to his soul. He enjoys the relationship built with the Lord through the unknown and gets excited about the visions that God lays out before us - day by day. I've come to enjoy the "year by year" visions... even THAT is a little too unpredictable - but I've learned to trust. He's always proven to be faithful as I was talking with my Mom about only hours before writing this blog! Kyle and I never bought that Jeep... Kyle and I never bought that house in The Falls... Kyle and I never... over and over again BECAUSE the Lord told us not to. Against what my desires (earthly or, in my own defense, somewhat spiritual) were, He always prevailed and His ways were true.

We spent the next couple of hours making invitations for a "32nd Dr SE BBQ" -- Katie picked the "flamingo theme" I assume (I never did ask Kyle if that was his preference of clip art, I guess I just assumed.)

Once invitations were done, showers were taken and kids were dressed, I went to the great lengths of creating something other than Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I made baked chicken with vegetables... and we sat around the table - all of us. Kyle and myself, Katie (almost 5), William (just turned 3) and Benjamin (just turned 1)... we each had our bibles out (except Ben who we entertained with food on the tray of his booster seat) and we opened up to the "Greatest Commandment" being

Matthew 22:37-39: Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your mind... Love your neighbor as yourself.

It was fantastic. The kids were expected to sit pleasantly, listen to the scripture being taught and then converse about how we are applying that commandment in our lives and how we are applying God's commandment to 'love our neighbor as ourself'... it was wonderful and hard at the same time. My excitement grew as I watched my family commune together and worship God in scripture and sharing a meal together with more intention than normal. It was hard because I wanted to begin putting parameters around it and create expectations for the coming weeks... but I couldn't. I do believe that in time other people will join us... but I don't know who and I don't know why other than they'll be called to be obedient to Him and they will find themselves around our table... what then?

Oh how badly I want to control.

I can guarantee you there will be a lot more to write about. You'll share with me in this adventure... for I don't know who else to go to.

Letting go of what we know...

When HAVEN'T I expected my child to be more astute than the average child? When have I allowed the general consensus to be what determines my child's abilities? I realized early on that the ability for a child to manipulate his or her parents begins at merely 9 months of age... maybe earlier. Studies have shown this. I have always treated my child as if they were a "step ahead of where they're at" age-appropriate-wise and I know that that desire for my child to continue to excel (though sometimes in an attempt to 'preen my own feathers') has been a desire for them to learn how to cope with the world surrounding them and attempting to persuade them at every turn.

Benjamin turned one year old on April 5th. That very evening he was put to sleep with his binkie and a bottle for the last time. Though many people think that's a bit too drastic of a step to make for one so little... I'm hesitant to expect anything less of him. Not because of some odd militaristic control that I want to have over my kids but simply because I know that I do better with the black and white and I do know that their little bodies can handle it if expected to! I truly believe this lack of fear of "expecting too much of my children" has created in them a sense of self-regulating and sensing the Spirit of the Lord in ways that are thought unimaginable by the world at large, sadly enough, including the Christian world at large.

When William was potty trained, I chose a "3 Day" approach. He was potty trained within the 3 days set aside and its been only during MY moments of doubt that has he ever backslid.

Benjamin is allowed free range on the stairs at 12 months 4 days of age... Katie (4) and William (3) are left downstairs while I go up to take a shower in the mornings... Benjamin does not get to wake up at the bright light of 6am but is expected to entertain himself in his crib until 7am when the family awakes... Katie, William and Ben share a room as there needs to be a room for guests in our home. They are a "team" and I want them to learn how to build community within our family and begin to understand the self-sacrifice it takes to serve each other well as naps are taken and access to "their quarters" is denied... someone is screaming and the others need to learn how to pray for them and ask God to give them peace - even if from selfish motivation, I can guarantee its more than the child sleeping soundly in the next room is going to have to learn! These choices are right for our family and now we're having to decide on influences outside our home -- oh, we've already thought about the secular influences and sadly enough, those influences don't have quite the negative impact that the Christian world at large can have.

For several years I've watched as the children of "the church" are entertained. They walk from their corral tagged with a fun craft and a "memory verse" that's been printed a couple hundred times above a half-colored picture of some bible character they may or may not have learned about that day. I take their hand with a cheesy grin on my face and hope to conjure up some fantastic principle that they learned that day in Sunday School. As volunteers in these classrooms we wipe noses, watch a video (yes even at church), and try to enforce behavior that is "acceptable" as opposed to create an atmosphere that teaches biblical principles such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. I'm not saying that those serving in these areas of the church should be ashamed necessarily, but what I am saying is that we've sold out on something short of what our children (whose heart will accept the Spirit) are capable of. We've begun to "sell to the masses" as a way of getting more families into the church as opposed to holding to the commitment we made at each dedication to "train this child up in the Lord" - training them to be 'distinctive'.

As a church, we are no longer distinctive. We have lost our 'saltiness'... and once that is lost, we lose our effectiveness.

How do we right this?

Like a lady.

It has been a long time since I've had a bra that looked sexy when it was thrown on the floor...

I have arrived.

I spent $190+ on bras at Nordstrom this last Saturday and I cannot describe the difference it makes when pulling a shirt over my head and down... I cock my head sideways and am rather pleased at what I see. What's so nice is knowing that moments of "spontaneity" with my husband won't be blindsided by the appearance of cantaloupes-turn-hacky sack inside something fit for a watermelon. These bras hold their OWN shape, they FIT appropriately and they make me feel fantastic - not to mention they won't enable the dried fruit to get worse like cheaper bras do... amen to the women who KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE and have chosen their life career to benefit women who are hurting, broken, lost and in search of a new soul.

If you haven't already, go to Nordstrom and get fit. It will change your life.

"Thanks me old mucker..."

To say "me old mucker" means my old friend. To muck about is to mess about. When you hang out and mess around that is to muck about and you do this with friends.

My Easter was spent with an incredible group of people. My best friend in high school was Jamie Hopkins. She went off to UPS in Tacoma, WA, and met the wonderful Brad Forbes. Her parents, Gary and Judy Hopkins (see photo left) were the Young Life Area Directors in the Tri-Cities and also spent this Easter with us! Well, Jamie Hopkins is now Jamie Forbes, a Mom of two young boys, Aiden and Oliver (Ollie) and living in the exotic London, England... (tongue in cheek - as she's laughed at peoples' perceptions of them whilst they've been here visiting).

Brad, Jamie, Aiden (3) and Oliver (1) flew over from London to visit family, spend Easter and 'check in' with the headquarters of Russell Investments in Tacoma WA (Jamie's current office is in Picadilly Circus, London - see photo) which is the company Jamie works for abroad. We felt so privileged that they chose to spend the Easter weekend with Kyle, myself and the kids - we vegged out, sipped glorious wine, watched golf, lost ourselves in wonderful conversations, celebrated Jamie's 30th birthday, shopped at Nordstrom where I became envious of Jamie's post-pregnancy physique - absolutely beautiful! - and slept under one roof for two nights in a row... it made my heart SWELL. It was wonderful and more so than I was anticipating even.

It has been a weekend of laughing about the things that never change... such as grey, GAP zip-up hoodies and white v-neck GAP t-shirts... GAP jeans and how easily cheer chants come to us after 12 years of being 'away'. I'm not necessarily advocating the 'cheer mentality' BUT I'm also not ashamed of that year in my life -- go Kamiakin Braves! **The following pictures are for Jamie -- I thought she'd get a kick out of them -- these are not for the rest of you. They do not know how Kanye got one of our lettermans jackets... funny, eh?**


We spoke of Maggie Sinclair - now Maggie Lynch, whose birthday is only weeks away. The moments the three of us girls spent together laughing and enjoying life. We were inseparable and to this day enjoy the moments we have to reconnect. Maggie is in Eastern Washington... I'm in Western Wasington... and its 'just like Jamie' to live in London, England. Not to mention, God just called her parents back to the states after four years of serving Him in Malawi, Africa. Aaaahh... the fun calls God puts on our lives. Isn't it fun to see common threads woven through families when it comes to His calling?? Jamie's sister in now in Malawi with her husband and I've yet to hear when they plan on returning to the states, if ever!


Brad, Jamie, Aiden and Oliver, Gary and Judy... thank you for celebrating this last weekend with us. You were each a breath of fresh air and I will remember Easter 2009 for the rest of my life as the Easter we partied with 'me old muckers'.

Benjamin Berges is Walking!

I have DREAMED of the day when my children will no longer NEED to be carried... living in Seattle does not make the crawling stage much fun as everything outside is consistently wet or muddy from the recent rain or perpetual mist.

Great job, my boy. You make a mama happy.

Today's favorite moments...

Runner-ups...

- shopping the 7th Avenue Fresh Produce (open air) Market today. There's something WONDERFUL about buying all my produce so fresh... and the kids ALWAYS choose a honey stick as we're checking out... its become a tradition.

- running into (literally and intentionally) Michelle O'Shea at Costco. I was hoping to catch her screaming expletives moments before her realization that it was me... but she was much too kind. THEN she realized it was me... and then expletives flew.

- all the wonderfully mannered people from street to store today. It was so pleasant in spite of the rain! People were quick to lend a hand, quick to let me into traffic with a smile and a nod, quick to smile at my children and wave, quick to wish the kids and I a 'Happy Easter!'... it was wonderful. People were patient and unhurried today wherever I found myself.

- my time with the Katie and William as we read the crucifixion story (most recent blog) and talked of the details of how painful it was but WHY He did what He did.

- Katie's prayer after we read the crucifixion story. She thanked Jesus for dieing on the cross to save us; she thanked him for being so brave; she thanked him for doing what he did because 'we want to see him' (I can only imagine that she was referring to life with him after we die) - it was beautiful and right from the heart of a child.

***AND THE WINNER MOMENT OF THE DAY***

[Mom] When we get home we're all going to go straight upstairs to our room for naps.

[Katie] Ok. I don't want a quiet time, I want to take a nap today. I'm tired.


[William - at the mere mention of a nap begins to cry uncontrollably] I'm not tired. Daaaaaaddyyyyy... I want my Daaaaaaaddyyyyy... (sniffle, sniffle, eye-rub, eye-rub) I'm not tired. I don't want to take a naaaaaaap.

[Mom - shaking her head and chuckling to herself. Amazingly able to handle the whining and crying] Ok William.

Upon arriving home, William was still crying. I asked him to crawl into his bed - which he did without hesitation and was asleep before I laid Ben down next to him.

It was awesome and predictable from the moment he began crying uncontrollably on our way home.

And I loooooove 'predictable'.

Good Friday

THE SUN STOPS SHINING
from The Jesus Storybook Bible

"So you're a king, are you?" the Roman soldiers jeered. "Then you'll need a crown and a robe."

They gave Jesus a crown made out of thorns. And put a purple robe on him. And pretended to bow down to him. "Your Majesty!" they said.

Then they whipped him. And spat on him. They didn't understand that this was the Prince of Life, the King of heaven and earth, who had come to rescue them.

The soldiers made him a sign - "OUR KING" and nailed it to a wooden cross.

They walked up a hill outside the city. Jesus carried the cross on his back. Jesus had never done anything wrong. But they were going to kill him the way criminals were killed.

They nailed Jesus to the cross.

"Father, forgive them," Jesus gasped. "They don't understand what they're doing."

"You say you've come to rescue us!" people shouted. "But you can't even rescue yourself!"

But they were wrong. Jesus could have rescued himself. A legion of angels would have flown to his side - if he'd called.

"If you were really the Son of God, you could just climb down off that cross!" they said.

And of course they were right. Jesus could have just climbed down. Actually, he could have just said a word and made it all stop. Like when he healed that little girl. And stilled the storm. And fed 5,000 people.

But Jesus stayed.

You see, they didn't understand. It wasn't the nails that kept Jesus there. It was love.

"Papa?" Jesus cried, frantically searching the sky. "Papa? Where are you? Don't leave me!"

And for the first time - and the last - when he spoke, nothing happened. Just a horrible, endless silence. God didn't answer. He turned away from his Boy.

Tears rolled down Jesus' face. The face of the One who would wipe away every tear from every eye.

Even though it was midday, a dreadful darkness covered the face of the world. The sun could not shine. The earth trembled and quaked. The great mountains shook. Rocks split in two. Until it seemed that the whole world would break. That creation itself would tear apart.

The full force of the storm of God's fierce anger at sin was coming down. On his own Son. Instead of his people. It was the only way God could destroy sin, and not destroy his children whose hearts were filled with sin.

Then Jesus shouted out in a loud voice, "It is finished!"

And it was. He had done it. Jesus had rescued the whole world.

"Father!" Jesus cried. "I give you my life." And with a great sigh he let himself die.

Strange clouds and shadows filled the sky. Purple, orange, black. Like a bruise.

Jesus' friends gently carried Jesus. They laid Jesus in a new tomb carved out of rock.

How could Jesus die? What had gone wrong? What did it mean? They didn't know anything anymore. Except they did know their hearts were breaking.

"That's the end of Jesus," the Leaders said.

But, just to be sure, they sent strong soldiers to guard the tomb. They hauled a huge stone in front of the door to the tomb. So that no one could get in.

Or out.

****

Kyle called me this morning moments after he drove away. He had forgotten to mention to me an idea that he had heard on NPR the other day. People were calling in to tell of traditions that they keep on Good Friday. One woman had fond memories of her mother always bringing her siblings in from whatever they were doing between 12:00pm and 3:00pm. They would sit quietly in remembrance of the time that Jesus died on the cross. What a brilliant idea! As Kyle acknowledged, what a neat way for the kids to experience the 'full circle' on Sunday when we celebrate His resurrection!

Today, in the midst of preparing for whatever festivities lie ahead, take some time out to be still - with kids or without kids - and pray, read scripture, worship in song and give glory to the King of Kings as what He did on this day was eternal and we are enjoying the rewards. Life with Him. Sinners forgiven and invited into His presence daily.