When HAVEN'T I expected my child to be more astute than the average child? When have I allowed the general consensus to be what determines my child's abilities? I realized early on that the ability for a child to manipulate his or her parents begins at merely 9 months of age... maybe earlier. Studies have shown this. I have always treated my child as if they were a "step ahead of where they're at" age-appropriate-wise and I know that that desire for my child to continue to excel (though sometimes in an attempt to 'preen my own feathers') has been a desire for them to learn how to cope with the world surrounding them and attempting to persuade them at every turn.
Benjamin turned one year old on April 5th. That very evening he was put to sleep with his binkie and a bottle for the last time. Though many people think that's a bit too drastic of a step to make for one so little... I'm hesitant to expect anything less of him. Not because of some odd militaristic control that I want to have over my kids but simply because I know that I do better with the black and white and I do know that their little bodies can handle it if expected to! I truly believe this lack of fear of "expecting too much of my children" has created in them a sense of self-regulating and sensing the Spirit of the Lord in ways that are thought unimaginable by the world at large, sadly enough, including the Christian world at large.When William was potty trained, I chose a "3 Day" approach. He was potty trained within the 3 days set aside and its been only during MY moments of doubt that has he ever backslid.
Benjamin is allowed free range on the stairs at 12 months 4 days of age... Katie (4) and William (3) are left downstairs while I go up to take a shower in the mornings... Benjamin does not get to wake up at the bright light of 6am but is expected to entertain himself in his crib until 7am when the family awakes... Katie, William and Ben share a room as there needs to be a room for guests in our home. They are a "team" and I want them to learn how to build community within our family and begin to understand the self-sacrifice it takes to serve each other well as naps are taken and access to "their quarters" is denied... someone is screaming and the others need to learn how to pray for them and ask God to give them peace - even if from selfish motivation, I can guarantee its more than the child sleeping soundly in the next room is going to have to learn! These choices are right for our family and now we're having to decide on influences outside our home -- oh, we've already thought about the secular influences and sadly enough, those influences don't have quite the negative impact that the Christian world at large can have.
For several years I've watched as the children of "the church" are entertained. They walk from their corral tagged with a fun craft and a "memory verse" that's been printed a couple hundred times above a half-colored picture of some bible character they may or may not have learned about that day. I take their hand with a cheesy grin on my face and hope to conjure up some fantastic principle that they learned that day in Sunday School. As volunteers in these classrooms we wipe noses, watch a video (yes even at church), and try to enforce behavior that is "acceptable" as opposed to create an atmosphere that teaches biblical principles such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. I'm not saying that those serving in these areas of the church should be ashamed necessarily, but what I am saying is that we've sold out on something short of what our children (whose heart will accept the Spirit) are capable of. We've begun to "sell to the masses" as a way of getting more families into the church as opposed to holding to the commitment we made at each dedication to "train this child up in the Lord" - training them to be 'distinctive'.As a church, we are no longer distinctive. We have lost our 'saltiness'... and once that is lost, we lose our effectiveness.
How do we right this?
4 comments:
good stuff!
I love how you focus on equipping your children to deal with uncomfortable situations. I am naturally motivated by fear, and my desire has been to shield my kids from anyone/thing that is unpleasant. Thank you for helping me see that it is more important, and more beneficial to them, to teach them how to work through these difficult situations that are sure to come.
As for church, I think you are absolutely right. They will rise to the bar that is set for them.
As the excitement of having a baby has worn off, I have come to realize that David and I are completely responsible for raising her. A scary thought at times. Then I also realize that you are a phone call away, and it is so good to talk to someone who has done this before and who shares a lot of the same views on parenting I do!
There is no "norm" anymore. You can't' even conform to it. All we care about is being comfortable. That is our "norm" that is our "idol" as a society. Because we care more about making ourselves and others comfortable, we are "dumbing down" the future generations without intending to or realizing that we are.
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