Wading into the water...

I'm slowly wading into the water... I have no expectations at all as to the force that's about to hit me. It may be an insurmountable wave of 'something' that God will steady me through while I get my bearings and find myself in a turbulent and exciting sea of believers... or maybe I'll look up to find the most serene, quiet lake stretch out ahead of me as I slowly become equipped to do what He's calling me to do. Or to my dismay, this will always look somewhat like a river - ever-changing and never quite predictable. A place where I'll have to quickly shift my expectations and desires to whatever the next group of believers is 'needing' as they traverse through their own sanctification process on the way to eternity.

I say to my dismay because I don't really want to do this. If God's calling me to something, my dream is that it'd be predictable. I've done 'this' before - or at least the 'this' that my finite mind can conjure up. I've felt much like Jonah being called to Ninevah lately -- ok, in all honesty, I've felt it over the past 6 months. Kyle and I have felt, and spoken to the fact, that we are being clearly disobedient in our continuing to attend our most recent church. Our disobedience doesn't lie in being a part of something that God is not pleased with... our disobedience lies in the simple explanation that what God has called our family to is something different. And we haven't begun to explore the 'something different'.

Until this last Sunday morning.

I awoke as I do each morning (this one happened to be Sunday morning)... I watched as the minutes crept towards "7:00" and the kids were chatting in the next room over. I don't remember whether Kyle or I got up first, got the kids downstairs, started the coffee and began the 30-minute routine of getting our gears oiled for the day ahead. What I DO remember is thinking to myself (with the gracious help of the Holy Spirit), "are we going to keep doing what we're doing or are we going to be obedient?" Well, when you put it in those words, which are the exact words impressed upon my heart in the moment, the answer is rather clear.

OBEDIENT.

Kyle sipped his coffee and hung out with the kids while I reheated and re-proportioned the right amount of creamer to coffee in my mug... I drummed my fingers and stood at the island in the kitchen - I imagine looking somewhat disheveled with hair wisps creating a blond halo around my head - and watching my family... the minutes ticking by on the microwave. "get ready for church..." "get ready for church..." "get ready for CHURCH..." "GET READY FOR CHURCH..." "GET READY FOR CHURCH NOW!"

I popped. Not in anger or impatience - but in heart. My heart went from feeling caged up and needing to be stroked to a heart that was needing to face whatever God had for me... and it needed to finally happen.

"Kyle, I think we should stay home today." I said it. He looked at me as though God had just revealed to him that I was the woman he was about to marry. He was so pleased and I could see his 'visionary' side set at ease - or at ease as a visionary can set. "Katie has asked if we can invite all our neighbors over for lunch and my thought was that we should take time this morning to create, print out and let Katie color all the invitations for a neighborhood BBQ served out of our garage."

"That sounds great." For Kyle this is music to his soul. He enjoys the relationship built with the Lord through the unknown and gets excited about the visions that God lays out before us - day by day. I've come to enjoy the "year by year" visions... even THAT is a little too unpredictable - but I've learned to trust. He's always proven to be faithful as I was talking with my Mom about only hours before writing this blog! Kyle and I never bought that Jeep... Kyle and I never bought that house in The Falls... Kyle and I never... over and over again BECAUSE the Lord told us not to. Against what my desires (earthly or, in my own defense, somewhat spiritual) were, He always prevailed and His ways were true.

We spent the next couple of hours making invitations for a "32nd Dr SE BBQ" -- Katie picked the "flamingo theme" I assume (I never did ask Kyle if that was his preference of clip art, I guess I just assumed.)

Once invitations were done, showers were taken and kids were dressed, I went to the great lengths of creating something other than Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I made baked chicken with vegetables... and we sat around the table - all of us. Kyle and myself, Katie (almost 5), William (just turned 3) and Benjamin (just turned 1)... we each had our bibles out (except Ben who we entertained with food on the tray of his booster seat) and we opened up to the "Greatest Commandment" being

Matthew 22:37-39: Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your mind... Love your neighbor as yourself.

It was fantastic. The kids were expected to sit pleasantly, listen to the scripture being taught and then converse about how we are applying that commandment in our lives and how we are applying God's commandment to 'love our neighbor as ourself'... it was wonderful and hard at the same time. My excitement grew as I watched my family commune together and worship God in scripture and sharing a meal together with more intention than normal. It was hard because I wanted to begin putting parameters around it and create expectations for the coming weeks... but I couldn't. I do believe that in time other people will join us... but I don't know who and I don't know why other than they'll be called to be obedient to Him and they will find themselves around our table... what then?

Oh how badly I want to control.

I can guarantee you there will be a lot more to write about. You'll share with me in this adventure... for I don't know who else to go to.